One complaint that the critics like to use against Turtleboy Sports is that we’re too negative about Worcester. Look, I’ve lived in Worcester my whole life. So have the majority of our writers. There’s a reason we’re still here. For a mid-sized city, it’s really not so bad. It’s not so good either. It’s just Worcester. And believe me, you can do a LOT worse than Worcester living in the Bay State. As a matter of fact, we’ve decided to compile a list of 21 towns and cities in Massachusetts that are bigger dumps than Worcester. You find yourself in a weird position in some of these places because you don’t know where you are. You wanna go up to a cop or a someone who seems to be able to spell their name, and ask them where you can find the dumpiest parts of town? You know, with all the crime. But you couldn’t because they’d definitely think we were looking for drugs.
Disclosure: Obviously one person did not travel to all ends of the state for this. We sent multiple people to check out over 50 towns and cities and we all came to a consensus as to which were the dumpiest based on the photographs. The purpose of this isn’t to shame or embarrass anyone. If you town, city, or residence appears in this blog, then tell your local government to get their shit together. Because it looks like crap. If we can shame the city into getting Vernon Hill cleaned up, why not try to help the whole state get their act together too?
Here they are….
If you’re not a guido or someone who enjoys spending their time at the trashiest beach in America all summer, then you’d hate Revere. It’s wicked crowded, planes fly everywhere, and there’s terrible traffic that forces you have to sit there and look at boarded up buildings:
And this right here is what they we call Revere State Swimming Pool:
Hot. Other than that Revere is a never ending stretch of marshy land that takes you from Logan Airport to Lynn. Either way you go, you’re fucked.
20. New Bedford
I’m not gonna lie, I was expecting much worse. New Bedford barely made the list. New Bedford is an old whaling and mill town, which means tons of breathtaking scenery. Particularly if you like looking at gigantic brick warehouses:
It’s also got a lot of fenced in vacant lots, but be warned – you can NOT dump there:
Charlemont is in Franklin County – the county where a lot of the Springfield hippie protesters drove down from. I assumed that everyone who lived up here was rich and wanted to hide their money from the government. All of the towns are small, including Charlemont, which has a population of about 1,000. And presumably 990 of them live in one gigantic trailer park on Route 2. Because that’s all Charlemont apparently is – an oversized trailer park in the middle of nowhere.
One of the things I like about Worcester is the West Side. Probably 50,000+ people live on the West Side and we try to keep it looking nice. If you were to take Worcester and subtract the West Side, what you would have leftover is Lowell. There are much worse places to live in Massachusetts than Lowell, but you’ll probably crash two or three times driving down the Lowell Connector and then having to come to an abrupt stop for some reason:
I don’t wanna live in any place where the highway ends at a light. Lowell is a whole lot of what it is. A bunch of wannabe Mickey Ward’s roaming the streets with no purpose
Run down factories and vacant lots:
Some beautiful rolling hills
A nice trash park
And of course people chillin:
Warren might be the oldest looking town you will ever see.
Every house looks like there’s no possible way it could pass a home inspection.
It is a very rural town, but no matter where you go there will be a lone man in a hooded sweatshirt walking down an isolated section of road:
It has a vibrant downtown:
North Adams is the big city up in northern Berkshire county, and is an honorable mention for this list. But when you can’t hack it in North Adams, you just pack up and move down Route 8 to regular Adams. It’s a magical place filled with world class shops:
Some majestic alleys
It has some beautiful condominiums, which are the all rage in the coal mining community
And the front porches are covered in the world famous Adams pricker bushes:
or unused grills, which can be used for imaginary Adams barbecues:
You might recognize Lynn from the 10:00 news. They usually headline with one of their world famous unsolved murders. Lynn is known for it’s aspiring artistic community
wide acceptance of EBT cards
boarded up buildings
random shady white kidnap vans from the movies:
world class shopping malls
barbed wire fences protecting abandoned lots from loitering:
and best of all – $0.99 Natural Light 25 ouncers:
Show me a place in Worcester where you can buy a 25 ounce Natural Light for your morning slum sociable. You can’t.
14. Fall River
The Riv is a prime example of what a city looks like when their entire economy revolves around an out of commission battleship. This former mill town is widely known for it’s state of the art factories:
As a matter of fact, pretty much every street in Fall River ends because it runs into an abandoned factory
And with a skyline like this, is there any wonder why Chris Herren got addicted to oxycotins?
It has some abandoned lots, which are a great place to meet up with some old friends and shoot some heroin
The Rive also has the highest concentration of satellite dishes in a concentrated area:
Tons of upscale shopping opportunities:
Some guys chilling in cut off denim jackets
And a carpool lane for the can guys
Speaking of places to score some drugs, Webster is like Grafton Hill with a big ass lake. There are some nice areas the closer you get to Douglas, but the closer you get to Dudley, the more magical the town becomes. I wouldn’t recommend buying a house in Dudley right now, because property value is through the roof (no pun intended)
They call it the Paris of Worcester county because some big shot developers are investing in property along the French River
It also has a lot of special features, such as the nationally renowned Webster yard sales:
There are some auto-body shops right on the sidewalks so you can get your 1995 Minivan souped up for the holidays
There are some world class mansions protected by stolen shopping carts
I definitely wanted to trespass all over that house. Luckily I saw the sign and realized this was against the rules. And of course Webster is the perfect place to raise a family. After all, what kid wouldn’t wanna grow up playing in a Webster jungle gym?
And what vibrant city would be complete without a hot nightlife scene downtown?
Colrain is like Charlemont without all the fancy trailer parks. This place is what Jerry Springer would call a “gold mine.” Sure, some of the houses are fixer-uppers
But there’s plenty to do downtown
And in Colrain you get to bring your trailer home with you
Oh yea, and I hope you like snow and giant orange cones, because they never go out of season in Colrain.
When people think of Boston they think it’s this emerald city where rich people go shopping on Newbury Street. That’s because you’ve probably seen about 5% of Boston. The North End and the Back Bay are not the real Boston. That’s tourist Boston. The real city is where people actually live. and that’s in Roxbury, Hyde Park, Dorchester, Southie, Charlestown, East Boston, and where we visited – Mattapan. If you think the Boston Common is nice, wait until you see Central Park in Mattapan:
The skyline is sublime
And the streets are vibrant and full of rich culture
Appropriately named, Pittsfield is the armpit of the Berkshires. If you play your cards right, you could get a job at the factory!!
There are tons of playground in Pittsfield
Free couches and baby strollers
And a never ending supply of boarded up buildings
I’m sure Dudley residents are thrilled that they live smack dab in the middle of the Webster to Southbridge express. Because as you know if you follow the news, Southbridge is where you move when you’ve hit rock bottom in Webster. It’s where dreams come true in southern Worcester County. Try to tell me that you wouldn’t wanna live here
You can’t. It’s just too pristine to stay out of. Oh yea, and there’s free TV’s for everyone!!
The local art scene is off the hook!!
There’s tons of jobs
Urban renewal is in full swing
And who needs a Market Basket when you’ve got yourself a Big Bunny Market?
Athol is a great place to get rid of a body. That whole part of the state is one giant casting call for MTV’s hit program “16 And Pregnant.” Orange, Templeton, Winchendon, and Gardner were all candidates too, but nothing exemplifies the Route 2 area of Western Worcester County than Athol. As you drive down Main Street you will be greeted by the homes of Athol’s most prestigious residents
One person in particular has turned his lawn into a rummage sale
And everyone is welcome in Athol. Except for Obama of course
And just like any gentrified area, Athol has plenty of old, run-down mills
And in Athol, it’s ALWAYS Christmas!!
The dirty burg is one hilly shmorgisborg of enchantment. If you like traffic, street lights that don’t come on at night, boarded up buildings
random grain elevators
and a never ending supply of empty lots for Moose to hang out in
Then Fitchburg is the place for you!!
Brockton might sound familiar, because it’s where a 100 person melee erupted over a basketball game the other day which resulted in three stabbings and a fatality. Naturally then they fancy themselves the “City of Champions”
And just like a lot of the other wonderful municipalities we’ve seen, Brockton has a never ending supply of abandoned lots surrounded by barbed wire
Random old guys training on the sidewalk like they’re Rocky Marciano
Dudes drinking 40’s in broad daylight at noon
No trespassing signs on houses that you had absolutely no desire to trespass in
Shopping cart watch dogs
And of course dudes chillin on broken down appliances
As someone who was born and raised in Worcester and went to Worcester Public Schools my whole life, I consider myself somewhat “street smart.” And by that I mean, I know how to not get killed, and possibly who to ask for drugs. But that’s the difference between Worcester and Springfield. I wouldn’t last five minutes in Springfield. Because unlike Worcester, Springfield as no good parts. You know you’re in the wrong part of town when you come across the Mission Church. They don’t see these things up unless there is some MAJOR sinning going on
Springifled is also the place where basketball was invented, so naturally they have some world class basketball courts
Their fences are about as effective as the Rio Grande River
There is a never ending supply of chillin going on
And of course plenty of boarded up homes
If I were a Level 3 sex offender, I would definitely move to Ware. It seems like a great place to blend in and no one will bother you as you put the pieces of your life back together. I mean, why would anyone pay attention to you when your neighbor’s house looks like this?
Plus, no one will suspect you of any sort of criminal behavior so long as the guy down the street is driving the shadiest orange rape van you’ve ever seen
There’s plenty of alleys to smoke crack in
abandoned lots for mischief
A vibrant downtown, filled with growing industry
A general store
A car dealership
Great neighborhoods for kids to play hopscotch in
This could all be yours if you move to Ware!!
I don’t know why Holyoke is shaped like a mixture between someone giving a middle finger and a flaccid penis, but it certainly couldn’t be more appropriate or fitting. From it’s never ending supply of abandoned, barbed-wire protected parking lots
to it’s highly desirable housing projects
Nothing screams “American Dream” more than Holyoke
I’d never been to Chelsea before, and I’ll likely never go back because I wanted to kill myself the entire time I was there. It’s not very big, but the people are packed in like sardines.
If you’re the entrepreneurial type there are plenty of places to set up a thriving corner heroin dealership
There are some really nice waterfront properties
And I hope you like falling asleep to the sound of 727’s flying over your head on the way to Logan Airport, because there are a never ending supply of those in Chelsea.
Lawrence if the official winner of Turtleboy’s dump tour 2015. It has all of the elements of a craptacular existence. You’ve got your old, run down, abandoned factories
Fences protecting abandoned lots
An endless supply of bike gangs
Including eight year olds in wife beaters doing wheelies
Barbershops and unlicensed vendors
And a never ending supply of gorgeous property.
Congratulations Lawrence, you are the dumpiest city in Massachusetts. But all 21 of these places are easily worse places to live than Worcester. So cheer up folks, it’s not so bad here after all.
Honorable mentions: Orange, Spencer, Quincy, Everett, Saugus, Haverhill, Winchendon, Shirley, Gardner, Malden, Medford.