All-Star Criminals

22 Year Old Danielson Father Of 3 Caught By Cops Right Before He Was About To Bang His 14 Year Old Girlfriend In A Dodge Neon

Nothing about this story is surprising based on that mugshot.

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Here’s another winner out of the magical land of Danielson, CT:

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It’s all good officers, I didn’t drill her yet. Thanks to you. Don’t get me wrong, we were definitely about to. But I was just teasing her with an appetizer of Danielson mushroom tip soup. No harm, no foul.

Just look at this creamtacular specimen.

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Good God. He looks like every Holy Name grad ever. With a face like that there’s a 99.9% chance Zachary Mineau makes people call him white chocolate. With a chinstrap like that you’re DESTINED to use your Dodge Neon, which obviously has rims, as a statutory date-rape-mobile. These are the kind of morons that go to the barber shop every other day to get touched up, because God forbid that pubestache he’s got going on becomes uneven. But God forbid they get a real job or date chicks their own age.

My question is, how do you even start courting a 14 year old? Where do you even meet them? Because I think we can all agree that this asswipe wasn’t her math tutor. I mean, obviously he can’t do 9th grad math. Obviously.

And what do you even talk about with a 14 year old? Sooo…….how bout that SnapChat thing? Pretty hip!!! And that Drake guy is really swag too. I know he keeps me woke. How bout you bae? You down with OPP? No? Girl, bye.

Too bad we found this story a couple hours after he took down his Facebook page. I’m sure it was legendary. But that mugshot pretty much paints the whole picture.

Anyway, the free my boi crowd was nowhere to be found, but we did have a couple pedo-excusers:

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Yea, I’m not gonna defend this guy. I’m just gonna go on record as saying that I don’t think he’s a pedophile if he sticks his baloney pony in some girl who wasn’t alive on 9/11. I know if I was accused of a crime like this I’d want someone like this coming to my defense:

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Then there’s this theory:

 

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Hot take alert!! Yea, just because she’s not legally able to make the choice to allow this failed grease monkey’s giggle stick in her hoo-hoo, it doesn’t mean she’s not at fault.

Oh, and even better news – this winner has already reproduced three times:

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Yup. Real life. A guy with three young children saw nothing wrong with sticking his love hog in someone else’s little girl. Not one, not two, but three innocent children have the misfortune of looking at this shitstain and calling him Daddy. Don’t worry kids, I’m sure the child support will be rolling in once his impending rap career takes off.

 

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19 Comment(s)
  • Pistasheo
    January 5, 2017 at 7:37 am

    This article had me at Dodge Neon….

    • CallMeADoctor,ImDyingHere
      January 7, 2017 at 9:53 am

      Agreed.

      Red. Dodge. Neon.

      I’ve got it visualized right now with some cheap ass spoke chrome wheels and the rear brake drums painted yellow.

      14 yo girl was impressed though, “The car is older than me, it’s a freakin’ classic”.

      My sides hurt.

  • Sloppy
    January 4, 2017 at 10:34 pm

    What do you call that Puerto Rican haircut (that apparently white trash are sporting now too) where they have right angles shaved in above the temple?
    I was thinking of getting one myself. Would look dope in the photo on my EBT card…

  • wabbitt
    January 4, 2017 at 4:54 pm

    Dude looks more like a chimp than that drug dealer from the other day. His hairline is WAY too low for him to be totally human.

  • EBT boy for sure
    January 4, 2017 at 4:36 pm

    Is it a low-life rule, they have to drive a Dodge Neon, preferably red ?

  • Brenda Hackett
    January 4, 2017 at 3:55 pm

    got em

  • Talisman
    January 4, 2017 at 12:28 pm

    What’s his rapper name?
    Lil Teen Poker?
    Whitey Waterhead?

    Would be good if some girl’s dad split that alien looking skull with an axe.

  • KJDS
    January 4, 2017 at 8:52 am

    Shades of ‘Dazed & Confused’ –

    “That’s what I love about these high school girls, man. I get older, they stay the same age.”

  • LLC
    January 4, 2017 at 8:16 am

    “Was he ya man? ”

    “No my kids father.”

    Bwahahahahahaha.

    Scholars everywhere.

  • Justice
    January 4, 2017 at 7:44 am

    I agree. Where DO you meet a 14 year old when you are 22? I can just see it now…him hanging around parking lots with high school kids and a 40 ounce (GIQ to us old folks) of Colt 45. Not defending him one little bit because the law says a 14 year old is “not capable” of consenting to sex, but come on…she’s got to be a piece of work….sneaking out of the house, hanging out with people older than her, willing to have sex with the quintessential missing link . I’d say her parents (IF they are normal parents) are going to have a run for their money with this one. She’ll be knocked up by 16 and on welfare. Check, please!

    • Ryan
      January 4, 2017 at 9:00 am

      Tinder. You meet them on tinder.

      • wabbitt
        January 4, 2017 at 4:57 pm

        Really? All I keep seeing are 300 pound black chicks and white bitches who have about 3 teeth left.

  • Between the Riv and the Bed
    January 4, 2017 at 6:32 am

    Where’s the flat brimmed bulls hat? Where’s the rest of the baby momma’s?

    And I know this pantywaste was going to be donating some of his winning spunk to the little girl. Maybe he was just trying to get a good babysitter? Maybe this was the the only way he could pay her because what 14yo doesn’t want to be knocked up by this king among men.

    I would like to know how old the other baby mamas are, and what were the pickup lines that led them to believe that rideing the ol’ liberty stick of his bareback?

    I’m just saying.

  • Chris Hansen
    January 4, 2017 at 6:24 am

    Won’t you please have a seat over there….

  • WHATEVUH
    January 4, 2017 at 4:02 am

    22 with 3 kids, my guess is the cops didn’t find any condoms on him either

  • Wwy
    January 4, 2017 at 1:26 am

    Bill Clinton Jr.

  • Dgaf
    January 4, 2017 at 12:05 am

    Why would anyone want others to know THATS your kids father

  • ChrisInShrewsbury
    January 3, 2017 at 11:34 pm

    I just checked out his baby mama’s FB page and found this . . . . It appears that Miranda Pipkin was aware that he was “foolin’ around” with a 14 year old girl.

    “Miranda Pipkin: I kept telling him and kept telling him that sooner or later he’d be caught, now look smh I just feel so stupid”

    • JUSTICE
      January 4, 2017 at 8:20 am

      If this is true, she should be charged and jailed for aiding in child rape. He should be castrated, then sent to gen pop.

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