Sports

Boston Bruins Suck Right Now, Luckily It Doesn’t Really Matter

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Some people have been messaging us about the Boston Bruins and our lack of coverage. Sorry but we’ve been bogged down with the three headed monster of protesters, deflategate, and snow. Everyone’s all freaking out because the Bruins are pretty much the definition of mediocre this year. And the debacle against Calgary last week was just plain emasculating. But what’d you expect? That’s what happens when your GM is a moron. Seriously, how were you supposed to get that into this season? I had a conversation with my good friend Andy Brickley in July about this team right after they let Jarome Iginla walk away. I told him I thought they were saying “fuck it” for next year. He disagreed. He was 100% positive that they had a big trade or signing in the works. Instead they traded Johnny Boychuk for a bag of pucks.

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But here’s the good news for Bruins fans – it doesn’t really matter as long as we get in the playoffs. Because the NHL and MLB postseasons are complete crapshoots, whereas the NBA and NFL postseasons are completely predictable. Top two seeds made it to the Super bowl this year. The Heat and Spurs were 2 and 1 seeds last year and made the NBA finals. Meanwhile in MLB the Royals somehow made the World Series against the Giants – two wild card teams.

The NHL works the same way that baseball does. They’re both games of luck in a way. In baseball you rally behind some fat guy who can’t stop crushing home runs (Papi, Panda), and in hockey you just ride the hot goalie. When’s the last time the top seeds from each conference made it to the Stanley Cup Finals? Oh yea, never (yes, I know it happened in 2000-01 but hyperbole sounds way better). As a matter of fact here’s the rundown of where each of the Stanley Cup finalists has finished in their conference since the 2001-02 season:

2013-14:  NYR 5, LA 6,

2012-13: BOS 3, CHI 1

2011-12:  NJ 5, LA 8,

2010-11: BOS 4, VAN 1,

2009-10: PHI 7, CHI 2

2008-09: PIT 4, DET 2

2007-08:  PIT 2, DET 1,

2006-07:  OTT 4, ANA 3,

2005-06: CAR 2, EDM 8

2003-04: TB 1, CAL 6,

2002-03: ANA 6, NJD 2

2001-02:  CAR 8, DET 1,

As you can see the Eastern Conference Champion might as well be picked out of a hat year in and year out. I have no idea what the average conference winner is, but my ballpark guess is a 4.5. Right in the middle. Seeds don’t matter. You get in. Your goalie gets hot. You win the Stanley Cup. Can Tuukka Rask be that guy? I don’t see why not. Nobody though Jonathan Quick was that guy in 2012. So calm down Bruins fans and wake me up when it’s April. I’ll start paying more serious attention after the greatest tournament in world history ends – March Madness.

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2 Comment(s)
  • Finnish Goalie
    February 20, 2015 at 9:50 am

    A more consistent offensive ability is their primary need. The game does change come mid-April, and the Bruins grinding style will help them when goals become all the rarer, but if you continue to miss open nets and hit posts night in and night out, it’s not going to matter.

    I think as long as they can avoid Montreal, they might make some noise. If someone else bumps off the Habs? Man, who knows.

  • Yes
    February 20, 2015 at 9:37 am

    Seriously though, guys- who would ever choose to live in Worcester?

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