By Far The Dumbest Commenter On The Quincy Assault Video Says The Milton Kids Deserved It For Spitting, Which Is A&B With A Dangerous Weapon
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So the vicious, videotaped assault of four Milton kids by some Quincy hoodlums at Marina Bay has spread everywhere. As usual, pretty much no one is giving the Turtle credit for reporting this story first. No biggie. We’ll just keep breaking real news and they can keep pretending they didn’t see it here first. If you haven’t seen it, here it is again:
We’ve identified three of the boys from this attack, but we are still trying to get some more intel on pony tail. We know his name is Cedrick, but that’s about it. Someone out there has to have some screenshots from his social media. Send them to us. You will remain anonymous. Pinky swear.
Anyway, this video has provoked some of the dumbest commentary in the history of Turtleboy on our Facebook page. But no one has ever posted a series of stupid comments quite like Jennifer Milligan.
Here’s how she started:
So many brilliant thoughts rolled into one comment. Don’t know where to start:
1. She saw an unconfirmed second hand anecdote about the Milton kids spitting tobacco on the Quincy kids was posted on Instagram, therefore it’s true.
2. They deserved what they got for “disrespecting” the Quincy maggots.
3. Spit is a dangerous weapon.
Alright, let’s crush this whole, “the Milton kids spit on them” thing. Obviously they did not do that. Ya know how I know that? Because I’m not fucking stupid. Small white kids don’t go around picking fights with older, much stronger kids from Quincy. They don’t spit tobacco at them. And even if they had, why didn’t they get their asses beat then? And where’s the proof? They videotaped this but not the spitting incident? Yea, that story checks out.
In reality, the savages who perpetrated this attack are looking for a way to justify what they did. This is the best they can come up with. Only a moron would believe them. And even if they had spit on them previously, only a swamp donkey like Jennifer Milligan would ever think that they “deserved” to get stomped in the head and sucker punched repeatedly as they refused to fight back.
Nevertheless she persisted:
Boys will be boys. Ya got that? This is all part of growing up in America. Sometimes you just have to kick the shit out of four kids who aren’t fighting back against you. It’s all part of the American experience. Newsflash Jennifer – you are human garbage for trying to normalize this. I get what you’re doing. You’re trying to show the world that you’re one of the “good white people.” That’s why you mentioned your “diverse community.” And you think that standing up for ANYONE who is of color, makes you one of the “good ones.” But it doesn’t. It just makes you look like a moron.
Oh, the Milton kid stated they didn’t press charges? Well that was quick. Weird, because I thought when people were arrested it was the state that pressed charges, not the victim. What’s the victim’s name by the way? Where was this mentioned? Must’ve missed that press release. Oh right, she probably read it in a comment on IG. Therefore it’s true.
That’s when Jennifer Milligan busted out her Internet law degree:
Oh look – she knows how to Google!! Law school is overrated anyway. But I got bad news for you Jennifer. You said spitting was assault and batter with a dangerous weapon, and you linked an article about assault and battery without a dangerous weapon. Kind of a big difference. Nah mean?
She was just getting warmed up though:
Unfortunately for her there is only room for one Internet attorney in the comments section, and we all know who that is:
She’s very well educated folks!! She even knows how to use Legal Zoom!! On weekends she moonlights as a doctor by patrolling WebMd.
Turns out she was right because she consulted with not one, but two online attorneys:
Uh-oh!! Things are getting serious!!
Anyway, maybe we should make this a Turtleboy feature – dumb commenter of the week. You win this week Jennifer Milligan!!
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