All-Star Criminals

Cape Cod Boutique Posts Pics Of Shoplifters In Hopes Of Identifying Them – Get Threatened By No Snitching Crew and Internet Lawyers

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Sundance Clothing, a little boutique in Chatham, is looking for a little help in finding some skeezebags who stole a bunch of stuff from their small business. Chances are the chick that stole all the merch are tourists so the farther this spreads the better chance we have to catch them. 

We are happy to help spread the word but the amount of flack they are getting for shaming the suspects is UNREAL. You all know that we are big fans of small businesses and police departments bringing back the shame game and using their social media presence to help them catch the bad guys. 

The best part of this is that only one of the idiots who have a problem with what the store is doing are local. The other Chuds are from Florida or New York. GTFOH. 

Look at these winners: 

Now Natalie, a New York native who probably summered here once, is clearly from the hard streets of Elitist White Girl.  She comes from a world where snitches get stitches from horrid plastic surgery. She thinks defending a small business from being robbed deserves a death sentence to those on the right side.  Not surprising. She’s probably never worked a day in her life. She’s too busy buying derpy headbands. 

Next up! 

I bet you Milli, who is a DUDE, has a specialized law degree in Internet Rightness. You know, when he’s not the fluffer for the Depeche Mode coverband playing at his local dive bar in New York. 

Oh, that’s a visual I won’t be able to get back. His pretty necklace was clearly acquired when he joined the Sophia the First Fan Club.

I don’t think it’s right for you to use Facebook to show off your sexy man eyeliner and Disney Junior accessories. See how that works? 

Then we have Cheryl Siple. Normally I would have a number of things to say about this prime hunk of Florida hog cheese but her pictures really speak for themselves. She’s chiming in from the worst place in the US because she needs to let our police how to do “there job.” 

Looks like she could use the fashion advice of the pretty ladies at Sundance because… lord. 

One local guy decided to throw in his two cents as well. He’s from the hard streets of Hyannis. 

Reek Havoc. I wonder if he knows that means he smells and not that he is a force of thug nature. It’s hard slinging pancakes all day when yo heart belongs on the corner. 

Something told me that I should do a search on this kid to see how dope his street cred is. Turns out he’s got oodles of Google Trophies from that time he was an accomplice in a murder and more!

I can understand his distaste for snitching now. I just think he’s kind of losing his cred by showing his ass on a pretty little boutique’s status. Most real thugs wouldn’t be caught dead on such a girlie page. 

Just remember folks, before you start crapping all over a small business for doing what they have to do to survive, don’t forget the Turtle is watching. 

Call the Chatham Police if you know who the thief is. Feel free to just laugh at the other idiots. 

10 Comment(s)
  • Michael
    July 25, 2017 at 3:00 pm

    I feel bad for whoever wrote this article. Like most people on cape cod you have nothing better to do with your life except concern yourself with other people along with their opinions and problems. Judgemental cunt. Youre probably 400 lbs with blue hair and acne who only gets sexual attention from desperate bitch boys, if that. Dumb Cunt. Youre not a good person, youre a disgusting troll like human being and if this were someone else writing shed say “go kill yourself worthless Cunt.” Its people like you who make cape cod a shitty place to live. Yea theyre wrong for stealing but that has nothing to do with you. Become a better person and get a fucking life

  • July 25, 2017 at 1:26 pm

    IF the chick is of legal age can I strip search her before I snitch her? Just stirring the pot. I’m betting you can find dudette in P-town. Just saying. By the way, I know Tyreek and that man busts his ass for his money. So what if he has an opinion. Fucked up thing is posting all his shit here to try and discredit an OPINION!!! FUCKTARDS. Go right ahead and post my shit also. You’ll find plenty. Lets see if you post anything good or just the arbitrary shit. Turtleboy…..what the honest fuck kind of name is that? Lmmfao!!!!!!

  • Renee's Chin Drippings
    July 24, 2017 at 9:10 am

    Luv the titty-tats. Those are the mark of a woman with a lot of class.

  • MIKE D
    July 24, 2017 at 8:36 am

    Cheryl was in cry-baby with Johnny Depp!! I know that’s her!!

  • FatFingr Lou
    July 23, 2017 at 7:34 pm

    Call it Cape Scrod…you can catch something, but you don’t want it.

  • Deloris Clitoris
    July 23, 2017 at 7:28 pm

    Thief is a ginger woman, go figure.

  • Andrew P
    July 23, 2017 at 6:58 pm

    Cheryl Stiple looks like MIMI from The Drew Carey Show!

    • gfldgadfly
      July 23, 2017 at 7:12 pm

      But without a professional makeup crew. She can’t even put her lips on straight! Looks like a three year old playing with grandma’s makeup collection.

  • wabbitt
    July 23, 2017 at 6:58 pm

    That chick’s lips look like an inflamed monkey’s asshole.

  • cherry cherry
    July 23, 2017 at 6:31 pm

    Cheryl Siple —- “It puts the lotion on it’s skin”

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