• Caption Contest For $10 Smokestack Barbecue Gift Certificate: The Ware Vibrator Bandits

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    So as a new feature we’re gonna start doing a weekly caption contest, sponsored by Smokestack Urban Barbecue on Green Street. What we’re gonna do is pick one picture from Turtleboy blogs from the past week and give turtle riders a chance to come up with the funniest caption for it. The winner gets a $10 gift certificate to Smokestack Urban Barbecue.

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    This of course means we would have to have the ability to reach you if you win, so if you leave caption the picture then you’d have to use a real email address and not some of the nonsense people use now, like “[email protected]” The easiest way to caption the picture is by commenting on the Facebook page though.

    We will choose the winner by picking from the captions that get the most likes. Since you’re more likely to get a lot of likes by commenting earlier, we won’t necessarily pick the comment with the most likes. This week’s picture is of the infamour Ware Vibrator bandits before and during their crime of passion.

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    Go!!!

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    Discussion

    1. Beavis Christ "Superstar"


      The difference between when your vibrators have batteries and when they run out.

      1. GoneWest


        Anyone else see last night that the original caption contest was for the girl taking a shit? That blog was deleted pretty quick. Which is lucky for you guys because I had gold and would have swept this contest.

        1. FiestyLawyerLady


          Negative, mine was better. I laugh at my own jokes though so……… no trusting me.

        2. Rational Person


          I thought mine was pretty good too!

          1. FiestyLawyerLady


            What did it say?

            Mine was, “Local Worcester teen volunteers to fertilize garden much to tenants disdain, those ain’t plants there weeds ya fucking losah”

            *Ba dum chee!* It was late, I find anything funny after midnight.

            1. Rational Person


              It was something like, “Damn! That BBQ sauce was hot!” But funnier.

            2. ProfessorM


              Mine was “Life is a crap carnival, with shit for prizes”

    2. Turtle Rider


      (In the voice of the Dunkin Donuts baker): “Time to buy the vibe.”

    3. Most interesting turtleboy reader


      “We don’t normally steal vibrators, but before we do we like to take selfie’s on our government issued cell phone”

      1. Turtleboy


        We were gonna pick this one, but whoever wrote it used a fake email address so we have no way of contacting them.

        1. BobnMic


          Turtle pick a regular rider dude. Not someone that’s anonymous doubled down on an anonymous blog? That’s all kinds of 007 secret kind of shit. They could be KGB and how would we know?

          Then we would have to call the Pentagon, get permission, then start bombing stuff everywhere. That would not be good at all.

          Lol…

          1. BobnMic


            Just fucking around.

    4. Rational Person


      Why did you remove the post with the girl shitting in the driveway???

    5. Gronkmonster


      We got the soft one this time the last one chipped all my teeth when I used it

      1. Rochambeau


        or

        Pic 1: We chipped our teeth!
        Pic 2: I’d like to speak to the manager.

    6. Jon


      Idiots rob CVS: Originally thinking CVS sold ammunition (which they planned on using in trade for crack cocaine) they soon discovered, the only “bullets” sold there were the ‘marital aide’ type; they decided to take what they could – including copious amounts of KY lubricant, on their way off the premises.

    7. Jafreese


      “Just act natural…”

    8. Turtle boy fan


      Jail: bringing couples closer since 2016.

    9. Bill P.


      I kept staring at the photo trying to think of a caption, and I suddenly started feeling nauseous.

      Sorry.

    10. George C


      How many dicks does it take to get to the tootsie roll center of a hoodsy thot? Let’s find out.

    11. BobnMic


      Caption:

      Before stealing a dildo you should think long and hard…

    12. Ronzo


      Bus fare _ 3.00
      Matching Tongue rings 19.98
      Bootleg Yankees hat 10.00
      Having your face plastered all over the Internet because your a grimy bitch who steals vibes and lube because your skumbag boyfriend can’t get his come dick hard ….priceless

    13. Jon


      Local dildo and lube retailer, CVS, was recently robbed by three local crack heads. More at 11

    14. Devils Mouthpiece


      “Duh, which way did they go” best I could conjure up with these two.

    15. JoeMomma


      Dildo’s…..When your dick does not want to touch her.

    16. BlackandWhite


      Meet the Dildoes

    17. Kyle


      Next week on “How I Met Your Mom”…

    18. ItsAllABadDream


      As if the tats and piercings weren’t ugly enough, check out these faces!

    19. Judge Smails


      “Women claims that CVS would not allow her to buy a dildo with her EBT card, so she had to steal it.” Congressmen Jim McGovern petitions federal government to change the laws allowing needy dildo deprived families access to much needed sexual devices. Jim feels that the less fortunate should be able to purchase the same dildos that his wife has been purchasing for years without fear of persecution. In a statement to the T & G Mrs. McGovern said that she would even give her old dildos to any needy Massachusetts family because she has been ” riding the lightning for years” and will always help then less fortunate.

    20. Talisman


      Fragrance of Tuna Boat Shithouse in the air? Summer’s Eve is just a little further down the aisle.

    21. Del Griffith


      Aww thshit, we forgot to thteal the damn batterieths!!

    22. Heather


      we had to get mom something for her birthday….

    23. wabbitt


      When the tremors settle and you need and actual vibrator.

    24. Fatfingr Lou


      We shoplifted the Toy Dept at CVS!

    25. Big Papa


      I guess our white privilege doesn’t include lubes and vibes

    26. Charredgoose


      I think everyone here has it wrong. In our time of unisex bathrooms, we have missed something. We automatically assume the kinky sexlets were for our sex crazed, suicide girl wanna be. I have a theory that the toys were for the boys. Inamy instance, they might have had better luck at home depot lifting power tools and plungers…

    27. JonnyBlazer


      “Great men of geniussssss”

      “Great men of genius”

      “this time we present ‘wicked pathetic dude who has to steal vibrators and lube with his girlfriend and some other guy cause he can’t get it up”

      “he’s so pathetiiic”

      “here’s to knowing ur buddy cant get it up either”

      “he just cant do it”

      “great men dont steal lube…they, buy it!”

      “gonna have tons of lubed up sex tonight”

      “great men of geniusssss”

      1. JonnyBlazer


        Fuck…i mean “real men of genius” god damn it…fucking booze.

        change all the “great”s to “real”s…i could give two shits about the gift card, this is just for my pride.

    28. The508


      “Piercings, Tatted and totally fucked!” #Literally #NotByHimThough #CameUpShort #HornyLivesMatter

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