Nudniks

Chud Who Punched A Woman 39 Times In The Face Because Her Boyfriend’s Junkie Brother Stole $30K And His Own Grandfather Ratted Him Out

Chud Who Punched A Woman 39 Times In The Face Because Her Boyfriend’s Junkie Brother Stole $30K And His Own Grandfather Ratted Him Out

Want to advertise with Turtleboy? Email us at [email protected] for more information.

Screen Shot 2017-02-27 at 10.14.48 AM

 

 

 

 

The other day we blogged about this cockwhistle Jordan Lamonde who was arrested for viciously attacking an 18 year old woman in the Planet Fitness parking lot in Rochester, NH:

Well, it turns out he’s a MUCH bigger pussy than we assumed he was. As if it was possible to be a bigger pussy after punching a woman in the face 39 times. Here’s what else we now know:

  • He waited outside of Planet Fitness for 8 hours while she worked inside.
  • He was seen on film moving his car closer and closer to her car as cars came and went in the parking lot.
  • He was ripped off for $30,000 by a guy named Joe Bunch. The victim’s boyfriend was Joe Bunch’s brother Steven. So he got revenge on the guy who fucked him over by brutally attacking the girlfriend of the guy’s brother.
  • Moron left his sunglasses at the scene of the crime, and he’s wearing those sunglasses in a Facebook picture.
  • He had facial hair when he attacked the victim, but when they questioned him at his grandparent’s house it was shaven.
  • His grandpa dimed him out: However, police asked Robert about Jordan’s facial hair, and Robert said, “Jordan usually has facial hair but just shaved a couple days prior.”
  • Bail was set at $150,000 cash on Monday.
  • On Tuesday he waived his arraignment and signed an agreement to be released on personal recognizance.

Unreal. How the hell does a chudstuffer like this get let off on personal recognizance? How do you got from $150K on Monday, to free bail on Tuesday? The dude is obviously a dangerous threat and needs to be caged like the animal he is.

Seriously, this nudnik didn’t even have the balls to go after the guy that boned him out of $30K. Nor does his incredibly tiny penis allow himself to go after the guy’s brother. Instead he chooses to go after the guy’s brother’s girlfriend. Like a bitch.

This is Joe Bunch, the guy who owes him $30K:

Guess which one he is? If you guessed the guy in the Chicago Bulls flat brimmed hat, then you’re obviously familiar with the type of people who choose to put these caps on their head. It’s like a gigantic sign that says, “I am a chud, and will fuck you over in a heartbeat.” Anyone with a brain knows never to trust someone like this.

But he trusted him anyway. And instead of just owning up to the fact that it was a bad idea to give the guy who is probably an addict and took a package of H he was supposed to sell and ended up doing it all by himself, he took it out on an 18 year old woman.

Here’s Joe with his brother Steven, the boyfriend of the victim:

I’m sure Erin McCarthy, the victim, is a lovely girl. But I could’ve told you from a mile away that dating a winner like this would eventually lead to trouble:

The best part is how his own grandfather ratted him out. Someone forgot to tell Gramps that he dindu nuffin. All I know is, if this guy doesn’t get at least 10 years in the can then it’s an outrage. If he’s not worthy of a stiff sentence than who is? He’s a drug dealer. He’s a woman beater. He’s a cancer that will never, ever become a valuable member of civilized society. Lock him up and throw away the key.

 

 

 

We urge you to support the following local businesses. 

Screen Shot 2015-12-01 at 10.29.56 AM

Screen Shot 2017-02-27 at 10.14.48 AM

Screen Shot 2017-03-31 at 2.17.19 PM

screen-shot-2016-12-05-at-8-36-43-pm

Screen Shot 2017-02-01 at 10.32.58 AM

4ba27317-991b-4352-b70d-f489eadcfdef (1)

Screen Shot 2017-03-25 at 8.48.23 PM

5 Comment(s)
  • Sloppy
    July 27, 2017 at 2:14 pm

    I like how he’s a wealthy white kid from a good home in Portsmouth and he wishes he was a Puerto Rican from Holyoke.

  • Publius
    July 27, 2017 at 12:22 pm

    TB is the go to news source for news worth knowing.

  • Me
    July 27, 2017 at 12:49 am

    I bet he’ll get probation. Meanwhile , addicts who steal get 2 years in jail and told they deserve to die

  • Brand
    July 26, 2017 at 7:18 pm

    All i can see and shit going to shits

  • The Executioner
    July 26, 2017 at 1:11 pm

    Strong candidate for the high-noon gallows entertainment…bring it back!

Comment on this Post

*

RELATED POSTS
Nostalgic Facebook Commentators Are Really Pissed Off About Snow Days For Kids
Guy Who Tried Hiding In Tree To Flee Cops on I-290 Earns Moron of the Week Award
Auburn Fan Who Refused To Bet On Florida State Loses Chance To Win Free $25,000 Is Giant Moron