All-Star Criminals

Connecticut Man With Legendary Fanny Duster Busted Going 119 MPH On I-395

Connecticut Man With Legendary Fanny Duster Busted Going 119 MPH On I-395

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More magnificent creatures emerging from the Connecticut Corridor:

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Excuse me sir, I mustache you to slow down when driving on the highway. Good God, just look at that thing:

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It’s one of the most magnificent collection of post-pubic hair I’ve ever seen. He also adds the manbun to his repertoire on special occasions.

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Eat your heart out Voke-stache mafia.

My question is, why did he bother pulling over? Dude, you’re going 119 mph. They ain’t catching you. The whole purpose of driving that fast on a public highway is because you know the cops aren’t gonna endanger everyone else by chasing you. So what was the point? I mean, who wants to get to Webster or Putnam that badly? You might as well just get off at the next exit and turn around. Then again when you have such an legendarily groomed and manicured womb broom, you have to assume the trooper will be so impressed that he lets you off with a warning.

 

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13 Comment(s)
  • Massif
    February 10, 2017 at 5:14 pm

    Better yet cross the border & hit some strip clubs! With a stache like that the girls will pay YOU for lap dances!

  • Paul
    February 8, 2017 at 6:20 am

    He’s from Canterbury. Of course he looks like that.

  • Mistressveila
    February 8, 2017 at 5:14 am

    Oh yeah and I’d kill for that hat, He’s wearing in the first pic, seriously
    I’d look better in it anyway

  • Mistressveila
    February 8, 2017 at 5:10 am

    Hey he’s a ren-fair, re-enactor enthusiast
    Actually I think he’s pretty good looking
    He just likes to drive fast
    And when you do you get caught

  • wabbitt
    February 8, 2017 at 12:04 am

    The worst part is – the other day my five year old nephew said he wanted a handlebar moustache when he grows up.

    I wanted to slap him then. After looking at this poonstachio I want to beat him senseless.

  • Fastmark
    February 7, 2017 at 10:04 pm

    I didn’t know a chevy cavailer could do 119.

  • Reddog
    February 7, 2017 at 9:17 pm

    I would dust Fiestys fanny

  • Jacob Malachi James
    February 7, 2017 at 5:07 pm

    I really wanted to be a circus strongman… Hence my kickin’ Pringles guy ‘stache!

    But life circumstances got in my way… So I’m a lumberjack. And, I’m OK. I sleep all night and I work all day. I cut down trees. I skip and jump. I go to the lavatory. I put on womens clothing and hang around in bars!!

    • Maura Healey (D)
      February 7, 2017 at 8:25 pm

      Just like my dear MAMAAAA!

  • BobnMic
    February 7, 2017 at 5:04 pm

    Maybe I need to go down to the station and question this individual for suspected ties to this Burglestein character. My investigation is coming along nicely. Soon my pretties, soon.

    BobnMic
    DEA Agent

  • BobnMic
    February 7, 2017 at 4:57 pm

    So this is what Turd Burgelstein looks like.

  • ZephyrCat
    February 7, 2017 at 4:30 pm

    He wasn’t speeding. He’s was time travelling from the 1800’s. Can’t get on the man for rockin’ the handlebar!!! At age 22 no less. He can always get a job at Colonial Williamsburg!

  • Turd Burglestein
    February 7, 2017 at 4:00 pm

    [email protected]!!

    I would eat your turd Fiesty!

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