All-Star Criminals

Duckfaced Webster/Thompson Junior Smokeshows Arrested For Driving Drunk Over 100 MPH Into Oxford, Caught Hiding Under Tarp

Duckfaced Webster/Thompson Junior Smokeshows Arrested For Driving Drunk Over 100 MPH Into Oxford, Caught Hiding Under Tarp

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Wait, wait, wait. These chicks were going over 100 mph on Route freaking 12?? And they still couldn’t get away? How dumb can you be? Do they not realize that they just crossed into a state where weed is now legal? (yea, I know they’re not 21, but I feel like cops don’t even wanna deal with weed anymore) If they had just pulled over at worst they would get a DUI. You call up our boy Tony Salerno and he’ll get you the best deal possible. But instead they decided that they’d make their getaway into Oxford. Because the cops would never think to look for your shit for brains in Oxford.

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And for what it’s worth, these chicks probably could’ve duckfaced their way out of a ticket. Because Alyssa Groh and Teryn Johnson are quite possibly the only junior smokeshow extraordinares we’ve ever publicly shamed on here. .

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Would. Obviously. These aren’t your typical Webster/North Grovesnerdale trap queens.

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It’s cool though, because even though Teryn Johnson easily could’ve killed someone in her bootleg getaway attempt, she gets a free pass because she saved gay people by changing her Facebook profile picture after the Pulse Nightclub shooting:

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I have to admit, I’m impressed with the fact that these chicks were actually willing to run into the woods in the middle of December. Because let’s be honest, these bootleg hoodrats don’t look like they could survive for 20 minutes in the wild. Well, at least one of them ran into the woods. The other one wasn’t as smart:

“A short time later, 20-year-old Teryn Johnson, of Quaddick Town Farm Road in Thompson, emerged from beneath a tarp by some barrels next to a building.”

Oh I see, she was treating the Oxford Police to a game of peek-a-boo. They’ll never find me under this tarp!!! Poor Teryn’s childhood record in hide and seek must’ve been worse than the Cleveland Browns.

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Anyway, we can all agree that these girls are gigantic dildos for doing what they did, right? Oh wait, you mean people were lining up to make excuses for them? Shocking….

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Ahh yes, the “everyone makes mistakes” guy. Usually he’s followed by the “only God can judge” hoodrat and the “were you there?” Rhodes scholar. And don’t forget the “worry about yourself” people:

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Putnam’s finest, coming through with the hot takes!! Newsflash Justin – we ARE worried about our own lives. Your two twatwaffle friends easily could’ve killed anyone else out on the road that night because they didn’t wanna get a speeding ticket.

Then there’s this. Can’t say we’ve ever seen this one before, but it’s a good one:

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But of course!!! That totally explains why they had to drive drunk 100 mph on a public street. Because the cops were trying to rape and/or murder them. It all makes sense now that the Putnam town rocket scientist has explained it to me. Because this is the face of a man who who clearly knows more about our judiciary system than anyone.

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Uh-oh, looks like someone’s been doing some reading on Cop Block!!! These girls had no choice but to run from the cops because the alternative was being killed in jail and having your murder look like a suicide. Of course privileged folks wouldn’t understand what poor, oppressed souls like Teryn and Alyssa have to go through.

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Anyway, we really, really need to do a bone ride down through Northeastern Connecticut after Christmas. Seems like a gold mine for Turtleboy material.

 

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30 Comment(s)
  • Turtle rider
    December 24, 2016 at 12:02 am

    Turtle..don’t you know to never post pics of hot girls on your blog?! You’ve got these boys all fired up. Now, quickly, post a blog of ugly chics! Calm these rockets!

  • BobnPaul's Chat Shack
    December 21, 2016 at 7:48 pm

    I can neither confirm or deny I was one of the responding officers, but let’s just say the old nightstick still has the sweet smell of poon on it.
    Why was a retired Worcester LEO in Webster, you ask? Well, I was southwest of Worcester gathering evidence against Turd Burglestein’s coke ring. Any day now, I’ll get the big break… and then it’s curtains for Turd!

  • Mr Butthurt
    December 21, 2016 at 7:34 pm

    OMG would hammer both of them tag team in mud.

  • December 21, 2016 at 7:03 pm

    Cant seem to spot any SmokeShows in this post.. but your article was weak sauce bro.. you could have done so much better

    • The poop hole loop hole
      December 21, 2016 at 7:53 pm

      I love the guys who claim there aren’t smoke shows present in stories, here or other sources. The kind of guys who comment on supermodels and say they’re not so super. I’d love to see any of their wives or girlfriends.

  • Ayy
    December 21, 2016 at 6:40 pm

    Damn, that brunette is fine as fuck. 10/10 would eat her ass.

  • wabbitt
    December 21, 2016 at 6:30 pm

    Webster has been cranking out the hot takes the last couple of days…

  • December 21, 2016 at 6:16 pm

    smoke shows???? JR or otherwise? I think TURTLEBOY is feeling the holiday Spirit and being VERY KIND…. The THIRD girl you have pics in there with these other 2 will grow up to be a hot chick someday soon….the other 2 , speedy and her partner, not soo much….unless your Jack Tripper and his buddy Larry…then you can find these 2 at the REGAL BEGAL someday soon…lol

    Merry Christmass to all! (even these avg chicks from CT)

    • Sarah
      December 21, 2016 at 6:36 pm

      I’d like to see a picture of your gene pool.. yikes

      • Turd Burglestein
        December 21, 2016 at 6:59 pm

        I can show you a picture of a pool of my genes.

        • JillMarie
          December 22, 2016 at 10:56 am

          Brilliant. Simply brilliant. I’m in love ❤

  • Christi berry
    December 21, 2016 at 5:58 pm

    Poor choices could of result in that could of cost them there life’s. public safety and the safety of others. Glade no one got hurt but now there choice is going to cost them more then it would of if they just pulled over. Lesson to be learned it’s cheaper to hire an attorney

  • Turd Burglestein
    December 21, 2016 at 5:30 pm

    Would…just saying.

  • Eric
    December 21, 2016 at 5:21 pm

    How much of your life did you waste writing this article??? How pathetic :/

    • Eric is a butt pirate
      December 21, 2016 at 5:38 pm

      How much of your life did you waste being a fag?

      • Eric
        December 21, 2016 at 5:41 pm

        Better then having no life like all of you girlfriendless scumbags :/

        • Eric is a butt pirate
          December 21, 2016 at 6:47 pm

          Better than having 2 gay dads take me to Pleasure Island instead of Disneyland on those trips to Orlando. Did you attend many nambla festivals?

        • GoneWest
          December 21, 2016 at 7:02 pm

          Eric is trying to break out of the friend zone

        • Rk
          December 21, 2016 at 9:42 pm

          “girlfriendless”. Gtfo of here you fucking child

        • Tommy V
          December 22, 2016 at 10:44 am

          You’re right, we have wives.

          • Duke Westwood
            December 22, 2016 at 12:45 pm

            Wives for the week (and girlfriends for Saturday night…)

      • Sarah
        December 21, 2016 at 6:34 pm

        You guys really don’t have anything better to do than this??? All a bunch of scummy drug addicts sharing and liking this. The guy who does this is a old Shepard hill teacher, who would ever let this douchbag around kids?? I see why he’s doing what he’s doing now..

        • BobnMic
          December 21, 2016 at 6:57 pm

          Are you the Sarah in that Hall & Oates song Sarah Smile? Did you know I helped write most of the lyrics on that song back in the day when I was a famous DJ in the Boston club scene while working on an underground mission with the Army Seals. Say, you’re really pretty. Would you like to have lunch with me sometime this week…in San Francisco? We can take my private jet that I bought from my stock gains in Verizon where I was a founding partner.

        • PW
          December 21, 2016 at 9:55 pm

          So…you are saying it is alright to drive (literally) 100 MPH? And it is alright to drive impaired? How about impaired AND 100 MPH?

          If they had hit and killed someone, would you defenders still say, “Oh well, don’t judge, everyone has done worse?”

          Morons.

        • Selfie time
          December 22, 2016 at 12:31 am

          Sarah, where did you learn how to do the question mark thing ? Really interesting, a three and a two. Enlightening, two periods to finish off the teen story.

    • wabbitt
      December 21, 2016 at 6:32 pm

      How much of your mother’s life did you waste by not dying at birth, you failed abortion?

  • tanya
    December 21, 2016 at 5:11 pm

    Everyone makes a mistake…A mistake is forgetting to shut the coffee pot off,my kids live, and drive in Oxford…They could have killed people…That’s not a mistake.

  • Noseface
    December 21, 2016 at 4:55 pm

    Alright, the Brunette is without question a smoke, the blonde however looks like she may have a moderate case of fetal alcohol syndrome. If her eyes were any further apart she would be an iguana. Not saying I wouldn’t shoot a couple ropes across her face, but it was worth mentioning none the less.

    • How much ?
      December 22, 2016 at 12:22 am

      Both princesses to me, probably the two best in the world. I love the way they adore themselves and are so self-absorbed.

  • Small gene pool
    December 21, 2016 at 4:27 pm

    The male genius has the inbred look, that’s so prevalent in the former mill-towns. Many behave like each other too !

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