It seems we have a lot of catch up on in the world of the Fall River Guttermuppet Cassandra Bosworth!
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I can’t believe I am sitting here writing this. Honestly, I’m in shock. I thought it was gone for good. I thought it had buried itself in the crazy vault and would never resurface. The Fall River Guttermuppet is BACK and looking sexier than ever.
I had chosen to stop blogging about her once her children were removed from her custody. That’s the reason all of us watched her like hawks. Her two kids were in danger and we all knew it. However nothing will stop the crazy of Cassandra Bosworth/ Brittany Merlino. Once she was free from the burden of children she went buckwild. This is the update everyone has been waiting for.
For those of you who are new to riding the Turtle, Guttermuppet is one of the most infamous, most blogged about, ratchets that we’ve ever seen here at Turtleboy. She was runner up in the Ratchet Brackets. She had become an icon of idiocy. The only thing that beat her was the girlfriend of a cop killer.
To give you a quick synopsis on who she is I’ve broken it down and simplified this winding story of infinite horrendous for you.
You remember her from part one: When she started a GFM because she’s a single mom, asked the entire city of Fall River to co-sign a loan for her because her car got repo’d:
Or when she went straight crazy, recording us a hysterical video diary, we found out her husband was a toddler rapist, and her mom sold her out to Turtleboy for being a pathological liar:
Or when she was searching for her estranged pedophile husband, with his 16 year-old girlfriend, because he allegedly got hit by a snow plow and was dead in a snowbank somewhere:
Or when she was scamming on yardsale sites by selling broken shit and blocking people when they wanted their money back:
Or that time she was looking to give her kids away for the weekend on a Facebook yard sale page because she wanted to go play hide the mushroom with her assumed-dead pedophile ex-husband. That’s when a bunch of Turtleriders tried to intervene, to keep the kids safe, by setting her up and calling the cops:
And the final chapter was when she was in a homeless shelter and the mandated reporters witnessed ungodly acts of abuse upon her children and DCF finally removed them:
So what has Cassandra Bossworth aka Brittany Merlino aka Guttermuppet been up to since we all celebrated the removal of her children?
The short answer is…. whoring and jail. The long answer is a twirling display of drama that would make even the most devout of our fans gasp in shock.
Yep, we got word from not one, not two, but three sources very close to her that she started turning tricks on the app Zoosk.
When Guttermuppet had her children removed she was no longer allowed to stay in the family shelter in Brockton. Her mother Carole, once again, took pity on her and brought her back to momma’s house in Plymouth. The children were placed in two separate foster homes. Cassie agreed to get help and go check herself in to the crazy farm and I said I wouldn’t hinder her progress.
But Cassie never got help. Now she wasn’t weighed down with two kids to abuse and was free to do as she pleased.
Things were okay for about a week and that’s when Guttermuppet met two skanky friends online. She glued herself to these two fine specimens.
Guttermompett Carole knew something was going on because Cassie would leave to meet the friends at the end of the street. She would bring a bag of clothes with her and come back dressed provocatively and sloppy. Think of this doing the walk of shame. Ugh.
When Carole confiscated Guttermuppet’s phone she found out that her daughter had found a new way of earning money. She was whoring herself on the Zoosk app!
Mmmmmmm delicious. I can just imagine this coming to slurp my knob. I think if I had a penis it would curl up like the Wicked Witch of the East’s feet when the house fell on her.
I guess that wasn’t cool with Guttermompett and she pitched a fit that Cassie would have to leave the house if she didn’t get her shit straight. Cassie didn’t like that and left the house. She was hysterically crying to all her old friends, some of whom she hasn’t seen in decades.
When one of them, specifically, said she would not let Cassie stay at her house, or pick her up, Cassie threatened to kill herself. She then messaged the friend, pretending to be Carole, saying that Guttermuppet had thrown herself in front of a bus and was in a coma. Carole, the mother of the muppet, found out about this and took full advantage of trying to get her daughter sectioned and used the bus suicide threat to have her thrown in the funny farm.
Angered by her mental hospital sabbatical, Cassie shut Carole out. Guttermuppet was going to go live with her friends who got her whoring.
But that didn’t last long. After a few days in the crazy farm, Cassandra went right back to Carole’s house and continued her fit of crazy.
Cassie got a job at Wareham Home Depot, started dating a carriage boy, who she claimed was the owner of Turtleboy, and begged her mom for money to buy a used Subaru.
Yeah, she’s looking great in that pink lipstick. Oh, and this picture cracked me up because she has replaced her abused children with an outback.
Things seemed quiet for a little while. It was just the calm before the storm.
Cassie, being fuck-all crazy, decided to go after her mother. Angered by her daughter’s violence towards her, Carole kicked her kid out. Guttermuppet was forced to live in her unregistered, uninsured car in the Home Depot parking lot.
That didn’t work too well. Guttermuppet, salty about car sleeping, filed a restraining order on her mother, claiming Carole hit her, and then had her arrested when Carole wandered in to Home Depot, while the muppet was working, and wanted the money for the car back.
That’s when Guttermuppet called the cops again on her mother, claiming that Carole had beat the balls out of her in the parking lot, and had her Mom thrown in jail for (as far as I can tell) like ten days.
Oh, I wish I was done. Carole was bullshit over having to sleep in a cell and threatened to flee the state. Cassandra had her by the balls and could call at any time to have her arrested. Why? Because the state will just hand out restraining orders to anyone.
That’s when Cassandra was arrested for driving without a license, and having an uninsured and unregistered car. She never showed up for court and a warrant was issued for her arrest. The same day her mother fought the restraining orders and had them thrown out.
I guess Guttermuppet felt the walls closing in on her. She was fired from Home Depot. She had no money and a warrant out on her. She called another friend, who had helped her in the past, with an elaborate story about how she was sleeping in her car when four people (two guys and two girls) dragged her out of the Subaru and raped her in the Home Depot parking lot. This, of course, was all a lie.
It turns out that story was just to get her foot in the door. Cassie had left some baby supplies at the friend’s house after being kicked out of her apartment, and she wanted to sell them. The friend offered to bring them to her.
The friend and the muppet scheduled a place to meet. Carole, who knew of the meet up, waited across the parking lot looking for her daughter. When Cassie showed up to get the goods, Carole called the cops and had her kid arrested for the outstanding warrant while she watched from afar cackling.
So the muppet, last I heard, was playing tooth decay is the new black in a jail cell. She’s had quiet a busy couple of months and I’m very much looking forward to seeing what she comes up with next. She keeps going like she has been and she will never get her kids back and I’m fairly certain that’s a blessing in disguise.
Until next time.