• The Gun Parlor

  • Fall River Snaggle Ratchet, Who Blasted Nameless Meter Maid With Homophobic Slurs, Begs Desk Girl For The Form, Blames Us For Her Poor Choices



    It’s been a while since Abi landed a good one for us!

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    Abi Horowitz, the Turtleboy Desk Girl, has been in and out of the hospital with her labiatic pustules for weeks now. She’s been away from the desk so long that we were starting to have to deal with these people ourselves. Uncool.  While I take sport in making Deskie’s work life a living hell… My days were felling pretty empty without her.
    However, Deskie came back just in time for Turtlerider Deb to recommend Abi’s stellar customer service.

    If you happened to miss who Sarah Snaggle Snatch is – read her homophobic poetry here:

    She was eaten alive after making this post:

    Such refinement! Such class! You’ll notice that Sarah changed her name the day she got put on blast. She claims that she Facebook married the guy who buried his dick grill in her grimy cavern.

    Personally, I think she didn’t like that I called him “sperm donor.”
    Well, Sarah went to Abi to beg for blog removal. Abi, as always, was happy to help. Deskie really believes that we don’t check the messages to see what she says to people about us. It works well in our favor as she really doesn’t read the blogs we write. She hates us more than the ratchets we blog about do.

    Alright, I’m going to stop you right here, Snaggles. If something happens to you it’s because you were clinically unstable and shouldn’t be roaming around pretending to be a parent. What you people don’t understand is that the shit you post online has consequences. If you dislike those consequences it’s on you – NOT us. People who use threats of self-harm as manipulation tactics are the lowest of the low.

    Ah yes. The good ol “I’ve been having an IBS attack” excuse. That almost has more shit than Sarah telling us that we posted pictures of her kid. We don’t do that here at TBS. Even if your family picture has baby daddy wearing a grill:


    As you can see there is a bag of sadness over the innocent child’s head. I guess my choice of bag caused Snaggle to cry “deformation of character.” It’s too bad Abi gave her the idea to call the law. You can almost see the light go on in Snaggle’s head as soon as Abi said “lawsuit!”


    She already “had depression.” As if it’s something you can just catch and get rid of with a “bye Felicia.” It’s our fault neither of them work. It’s our fault she posted the homophobic rant because she was too cheap to drop a quarter in the meter. We even made up the arrests, for domestic abuse and stealing metal, we found on them. Wait… No we didn’t!

    Here is where even Abi, the ratchet whisperer, begins to realize that she can’t communicate with the level of stupidity. It’s like knocking on the branch of a dead tree.

    Now this is where things get fun. She pulls the “but I have <insert group of those insulted> friends!”

    She can’t be <term for hater of whatever group was insulted!>

    But when Sarah tried to do some damage control on her own Facebook page – one of her “gay friends” told her that they didn’t think she learned her lesson. If you ask me… Sarah doesn’t sound very sorry.


    Of course Abi didn’t know any of this at the time.


    Wearing a grill isn’t a “style.” It’s a giant sign that says “I don’t have a job, knock up everyone I ram it in, and don’t oh child support.” 

    Honey, I don’t think you’ve ever seen a medal. Lezbehonest here. You were stealing “metal” to clearly feed some kind of an addiction. We got many messages about her liking the diesels. I’m kind of surprised she still has her kids.

    Here comes Abi’s first true love! We love Cleatus!

    Don’t worry Sarah. Abi didn’t lie to you. She really thinks we don’t read her interactions with people. She still, to this day, has no idea that’s she’s famous for her customer service skills. After all, she doesn’t follow our negative blogs.

    Poor Turtleboss Kevin. He was using the same crapper as Abi and managed to catch a vag cyst on his poundable exit. Who knew those things were contagious?!  Guess when his Latin lover went to go to town on his hindquarters the damn thing popped. No need for lube when you’ve got a volcanic lava infection greasing the prostrate wheel, eh?

    When Turtleboss Kevin never responded to the form Abi submitted for Sarah -Snaggles  started just making things up to say she was in danger. Like when her ex boyfriend LOL’d about how he knew that she would someday be Turtleboy Famous and she spun that in to a murder threat.


    Seems legit.

    Again, let this be a lesson to all of you ratchets who think blasting their anger and homophobia off in public space is a good idea – Deskie is always here to help.

    It’s the rest of us turtles that rubbing salt in the wound.

    South Shore Turtlegirl

    [email protected] Covering the dirty South Shorw and South Coast. Email me with tips, send me some hate mail, or just say hello!

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    Discussion

    1. johnnyb


      “Well, The form is the first step to a new life” A TBS Instant classic line!

      1. Rochambeau


        I still prefer, “Rate the blog with an emoji:”

        You know what sells it? The colon. Not a semi-colon. No. Full colon.

    2. The Executioner


      The Church Lady says,”Could it beeeeeeeeee? K-A-R-M-A karma?! And what do you think is in the future for the Sperm Donor with all of his threats? MY…MY…can’t blame this one on Fall River!”

    3. Jack Mehoff


      Bernie voter I bet.

    4. Maggie the Cat


      Seems to me that Turtleboy & staff will some day bring back civilized behavior. Public shaming is such a good idea, and there are so many opportunities that TB&Friends will have employment forever! Well done, TB&Friends.

    5. Muff Diver


      I would

    6. TBFan


      I think you need a new deskgirl *hint*

      1. johnnyb


        I hope You’re not implying they should let Abi go. Poor Abi will have to go back to posing online with dogs, with no insurance for her ill mom. Not to mention her very public battles with IBS and clam warts. Every office should/does have an Abi..

    7. They call me Ponch


      I work so hard.
      How do these people just shlep along day to day?
      Train wreck after train wreck.
      Everything’s a struggle.
      Yeah. It’s my fault. Me and my privilege.
      FU

    8. They call me Ponch


      “Snaggle Ratchet ”
      Signing your name correctly is 60% of the exam.

    9. Jimbo


      Way way too long. Couldn’t get through half of that. Eye balls bled out. But hey Deskie! Get well soon kid!! I think you are funny as hell!! Do I need a form to verify this?? Seriously get well. Plus I will fill out that form if necessary.

      “She’s been away from the desk so long that we were starting to have to deal with these people ourselves. Uncool.”

      Ya ok hot shot. “These people.” Only a lonely angry unemployed Mom elitist wannabe would come up with a line like that. So sitting around eating bon-bons all day long writing for TBS makes you holier than thou? What a shallow existence you must be apart of SSTG and I wonder what color the sky is in your world? Stick to daytime Soap. You’ll be a happier person for doing so.

      1. jtw100


        Jimbo, you need to get a job. Failing to understand what this blog is about and making jabs is why we get entertained daily. YOUR type feeds into the fun. It is no wonder the country is like it is, you take things literally and fail completely to comprehend a thing. Start by “these people”. Get a grip.

    10. StuntPeenie


      I’d be depressed too if I let the doofus in the baseball cap fill my love cavern with his man spooge. A real “catch” he is.

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