All-Star Criminals

Fupasupial Crams 18 Bottles Of Booze In Her Guntaroo Pouch And Waddles Out Of The Store – Says The Hustle Made Her Do It

Careful, they normally have a strict diet of Hennessy so this one might be rabid. 

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We need a break from all the reality and what better way to do that than watching a surveillance video of a 300lbs woman robbing a liquor store blind! 

Sekonie Jones is a ghetto gift in these dark times. The video of her cramming EIGHTEEN bottles of booze in to her overdeveloped snatch, knock-off purse, and sweaty fun bags in a Louisiana store is one of the most hoodrattastic things my two eyes have ever seen. Her shirt says “Glam” when it should say “Ham.” I needed her in my life. 

Can you just imagine going to crack open that fine bottle of stolen Cuervo, have it begin to omit this fat-funk-cheese-smell? Sekonie isn’t a small chick. It’s AUGUST in Louisiana. That thing probably reeks like microwaved break room fish and the soggy foot scrapings from a ped egg. I wonder if she told everyone that she was a mixologist and the smell was just the bitters she was using while she dumped her hijacked cooch hootch in to a slurpee cup. 

Don’t even give me the crap about fat shaming. Homegirl utilized her literal chub pouch to steal hundreds of dollars worth of frivolous shit she didn’t need from a small business. So spare me the whining. She’s not on the endangered species list so hunting season is wide open. 

Anyways, after the video took off on the Internet like a shirt after someone offered it Mardi Gras beads – this amazing gem turned herself in to the Shreveport Po Po. 

Before she waddled in the to clink she had some serious philosophical words to throw down on the Facebook machine. 

She blames it on the hustle and admits she’s been bagged shoplifting before. So she knows the ropes. 

Whatever, as long as it’s not murder, right? 

#shamed #blessedtho

Well Sekonie, when you walk in to a store with a giant empty purse, fill the damn thing, and then wedge another bottle in your vagina, and another in your sweaty bra, what did you think was GOING to happen? You live in an area where crime is rampant. You think there isn’t going to be one of the most high-tech security systems in place? You aren’t a hustler. You’re a moron. A moron with stank liquor. 

[email protected] Covering the dirty South Shore and Coast. Email me with tips, send me some hate mail, or just say hello!
11 Comment(s)
  • September 4, 2017 at 2:27 am

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  • September 3, 2017 at 5:02 am

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  • September 2, 2017 at 8:51 am

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  • September 1, 2017 at 2:13 am

    Really when someone doesn’t know then its up to other visitors
    that they will assist, so here it occurs.

  • Moooooooooosa!
    August 25, 2017 at 8:33 pm

    300 pounds is being too kind. This fat whore is at least four fitty.

  • Ghandi
    August 25, 2017 at 7:46 pm

    At least she looks female, unlike Obama’s “wife” Michael…

  • Sonny's Mom
    August 25, 2017 at 5:53 pm

    This is why the “as long as it’s not hurting anyone else” excuse is such BS.

  • Barry
    August 25, 2017 at 3:02 pm

    The trunk space on Fupasupial just put that weak ass dime bagger Moby Trick to shame.

  • #chimpinout
    August 25, 2017 at 1:57 pm

    Hot damn didn’t anyone notice this woman chimpin out with her 200 lb bag of clanking liquor? The two accomplices need questioned, no doubt they are in on it. “Let’s use the big fatty, they won’t question what she’s doing because she looks retarded and that would be fat shaming in a way, we got you fam”
    I could understand if she was stealing food, or even toiletries, but this heffa stole alcohol, something not needed for everyday life, and it wasn’t random alcohol, it was specific brands and sizes. No doubt she was shopping for a bunch of people.

    • Vaughn
      August 25, 2017 at 10:58 pm

      The Hustle made her do it?!! What like the song by Van McCoy? Da da da da da da da da da – da da da da da da da da da

    • Savage Squaw Bitch
      August 29, 2017 at 2:33 am

      I almost died when I saw your user name AHAHAHAHA!!!

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