• Goth Chick Wendy’s Employee Leaves 5 Hilarious Voicemails For Turtleboy Threatening Internet Lawsuits For Blog About Fitchburg Prison Visitor



    Goth Chick Wendy’s Employee Leaves 5 Hilarious Voicemails For Turtleboy Threatening Internet Lawsuits For Blog About Fitchburg Prison Visitor

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    So this chick evidently did not like our recent blog about the Fitchburg emo chick who was offering to trade weed and Subway to any stranger who would give her a ride to visit her murdering friend Tia Ludwick in a Maine prison:

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    Shocking, I know. She looks like such a jolly lass.

    Zahrah left, not one, not two, not three, not four, but five separate voicemails on our Facebook page (didn’t even know you could do that), and she’s coming at Turtleboy HARD!!

    Here’s her list of grievances:

    • Turtleboy is insulting to real journalists who go out and find real news
    • Turtleboy is extremely childish
    • Just because someone bought a t-shirt and mug from us doesn’t mean we get to be the Fitchburg and Leominster king of douchebags
    • The comment section is riddled with comments from men who look like they’re probably going to commit a sexual assault at some point in their lives
    • She screenshotted the men who said they would do unspeakable acts to her friend Tiara
    • The first amendment doesn’t protect Turtleboy from defaming someone with a past of extreme mental illness
    • If Tiara was to hurt herself in a response to our “long page wind sesh” then we could be liable for “a lot of things”
    • Turtleboy is not invincible
    • She is not at all like the people who have commented on our inbox. She is well versed, knowledgable on what she’s saying, knowledgable on the legal actions and rights that Tiara has regarding this blog
    • Turtleboy is wasting space where we could be spreading knowledge to the public

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    Triggered!!!

    Alright, let’s do a Snopes style breakdown to see if her grievances are legitimate.

    Grievance: Turtleboy is insulting to real journalists who go out and find real news.

    False. Turtleboy has broken several huge stories due to investigative journalism. Most recently WWLP and the Hampshire Gazette picked up on our story about High 5 Friday at Northampton elementary schools being cancelled because it traumatized kids. Turned out to become national news and literally everyone reported it. Oh yea, and NBC Boston also used as a source a couple weeks ago on our car insurance scam investigation.

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    Grievance: Turtleboy is extremely childish. 

    Debatable. We do use the word naniburger a lot. But we also use grown up words like fupasloth. So, could go either way on this one.

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    Grievance: Just because someone bought a t-shirt and mug from us doesn’t mean we get to be the Fitchburg and Leominster king of douchebags. 

    True. The Fitchburg King of douchebags will always be the murdering former mayoral candidate known as “he who shall not be named.”

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    Grievance: The comment section is riddled with comments from men who look like they’re probably going to commit a sexual assault at some point in their lives. 

    Debatable. Although, isn’t that stereotyping? I’m triggered by her microaggression. Someone find me a safe space.

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    Grievance: She screenshotted the men who said they would do unspeakable acts to her friend Tiara. 

    False. Seems to be mostly chicks commenting. Can’t find anything “unspeakable.” Don’t even see the usual comments about finger blasting. Seems like one of our tamer crowds.

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    Grievance: The first amendment doesn’t protect Turtleboy from defaming someone with a past of extreme mental illness. 

    False. That’s actually exactly what it does. We are not required to find out how many times someone threatened to cut themselves before writing about them.

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    Grievance: If Tiara was to hurt herself in a response to our “long page wind sesh” then we could be liable for “a lot of things.”

    False. If you kill yourself because we wrote a blog about you, then you’re obviously mentally unstable.

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    Grievance: Turtleboy is not invincible.

    Debatable. He who shall not be named seems to be the only one able to penetrate our shell.

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    Grievance: She is not at all like the people who have commented on our inbox. She is well versed, knowledgable on what she’s saying, knowledgable on the legal actions and rights that Tiara has regarding this blog. 

    False. Her legal training includes working at Wendy’s and formerly busing tables at the Olive Garden.

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    She is exactly like 99% of the people who message us with imaginary lawsuits. Except she’s dumber because she left a voicemail. Five of them.

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    Grievance: Turtleboy is wasting space where we could be spreading knowledge to the public. 

    False. Turtleboy spreads knowledge on a daily basis. Troglodytes like this just don’t like hearing the truth.

    And in the least surprising turn of events ever…….

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    Your friend was willing to take a ride to a prison in Maine with a total stranger who she was enticing with marijuana and Subway. But please, tell me more about how two white girls from Fitchburg are “SCARED FOR OUR LIVES” because of Trump. Ya know who should be scared for their life? That guy up in Maine who your friend killed.

    Anyway, we used to have winners like this back in the 90’s. They all wore capes and said they were “different,” just like all of their friends. We rightfully made fun of them and threw eggs at the outside the Espresso Bar as they listed to goth poetry. Good times.

     

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    Discussion

    1. Mr Butthurt


      Would not cause that is the most annoying voice on earth.

      1. Turd Burglestein


        I concur with Mr. Butthurt. Her voice is worse than nails on a chalkboard.

    2. Archie


      Last pic — nice little dumper on her….

      1. Turd Burglestein


        She’s probably got worms…that’s why she’s skinny enough to hang glide off a dorito.

      2. ZephyrCat


        I fucked an Iranian 18 year old woman in the ass around 2000 in California. She did this trick where I stayed still while she backed into me. It actually looked like her asshole was eating my dick. Very experienced so I could only deduce that middle eastern women learn anal sex early. Something about preserving her virginity while still allowing the camelboys to get off. Does this sound familiar Zahrah? Do you have a similar skill?

    3. TheRealZephyrCat


      I’d like to commit a sexual assault on her face! Whack ’til you splat!!!

    4. Turd Burglestein


      Can you put those voicemail clips into a youtube video so we can hear all the bullshit that came out of that cum belching gutter slut’s mouth? That would be awesome.

      1. Turd Burglestein


        Sorry…didn’t see you already had done that.

    5. TheRealZephyrCat


      Zahrah Errishi, OMG, what nationality are you or is that a microaggression? Sorry guys, I just listened to her voice and I disagree. SO HOT!!! I’m literally sitting here wanking and thinking of tying her up, tying her down and smackin’ that ass. That get you goin’ ZAH-RAH?!? Trace me girl. I’ll leave a cum trail outside your door so you have some DNA to investigate. SO HAWT you little tigress! I see your name means blooming flower in arabic. Oh, please speak arabic, it’s such a sexy sounding dialect with the hacking sounds and such. Hey, would you be allowed to dress like that if you still lived in Allah-land? Is your pussy as dry as the desert sands of your homeland? So many questions, so little time.

    6. FatFingr Lou


      Oh no.. I can’t go to sleep….Billy Mays..Billy Mays..Billy Mays.

      I invoke you to protect me and wash this foul thing away with cleansing chemicals and superior citric acid cleaning technology!

      The Power of Bill Compels You! The Power of Bill Compels You!

    7. Merrimack Valley TB


      Love it when dumb chicks try to sound smart by over annunciating big words.

    8. Zahrah


      First off I’m North African. Also hiding behind a computer screen while threatening to sexually assault me is almost as bad as the linguistic skills used in TBS articles. You’re insults are tired and cater to an audience with the combined IQ of Koko the gorilla. You got referenced as a source three weeks ago and if that’s crowning glory I would reevaluate your career path. This article uses my looks and my place of employment in an attempt to hurt my feelings when in reality I’m quite confident in my intelligence and in my being as a whole. I’m glad I got under your skin so deeply you took time out of your day to compile my pictures and form a rebuttal laced heavily with the taste of butt hurt.

      1. Brian Albrecht


        I’d like to give you some butthurt. You didn’t answer my question. You got anal skillz too?

      2. PROUD AMERICAN


        No dipshit you are American. If you don’t think you are, or want to be do us all a favor and GO THE FUCK BACK TO NORTH AFRICA.

      3. UsualSuspect


        Zahrah, it appears you actually have a brain in that head of yours. Speaking of reevaluation of career paths, nonconformist is a poor look for you. Lose the piercings, blue hair, and emo crap; get an education, buy some professional clothes, and move onward and upward in life. Growing up is tough, twenty years from now you will look back and thank me.

    9. wtatnuckgangsta


      She looks like every chick trying to get laid by Static X members at Locobazooka circa 1999.

    10. Hanginpossum


      I never appreciated the signs kids make to bring to the DCU center for a WWE event until now. They take their love of wrestling a lot more seriously than this chick takes whatever cause she stands for

    11. yesterday


      Blue hair with a duck face.

    12. Logic machine broken


      “Ya know who should be scared for their life? That guy up in Maine who your friend killed.”

      How can he be scared if he dead?? Really makes a ni️️a think

    13. Skit


      Waste of air…..

    14. ZephyrCat


      Wood!

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