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  • Groton Basic White Chick With $200 GoFundMe Because “Douchey” UVM Cops Stole Her Bong And She’s “Freaking Out” Without Weed Goes Full “Fuck The Police”

    Groton Basic White Chick With $200 GoFundMe Because “Douchey” UVM Cops Stole Her Bong And She’s “Freaking Out” Without Weed Goes Full “Fuck The Police”

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    This is the most basic white chick GoFundMe of all time out of the murder capital of the world – Groton:

    “guys I lost like $250 worth of stuff to this douchey cop who “saw my bong through my window” and now I have to pay like $500 in fines and not to be dramatic but I’m gonna freak out without weed and I just spent $100 on a new bong that got taken and I’m very distraught and so yeah basically fuck the police and If u want to donate me even a dollar I’m such a broke bitch now and I’m barely surviving college and all those fuckers left me was a fireball nip :(“

    I think the most remarkable part of this rant is that it’s written by a college student.

    That’s a longer sentence then a Deval Patrick appointed judge has ever given any criminal that has ever stepped foot in their courtroom. No wonder she’s freaking out without weed – she’s on her period. And I mean that literally – she’s sitting on a period, couldn’t find it when she needed it, and that’s why she turned a sentence into a paragraph.

    Yup, you read that right – this is a GoFundMe because the “douchey cops” took her bong. I’m sure that’s the whole story too. A cop just randomly walked by her dorm room at UVM, the biggest pothead school that has ever existed, and took $250 worth of her shit and locked her ass up. And none of it is her fault for publicly displaying her bong for the world to see or failing to keep a low profile. It’s all the cop’s fault because……fuck the police.

    But yea, she’s wicked “broke.” This chick right here is really struggling without her purple haze and bong:

    Oh, and she wants you to pay for her birth control.

    Sure, she could just get a 10 hour a week job swiping student ID cards at the campus center so she could have a little weed and booze cash like every other college student that has ever be in her situation. But why should she work when she can just get her idiot friends to pay for the mess she created?

    According to her she has a job though:

    So I guess she has money, she just wants to use other people’s money to pay for her weed.

    Newsflash – we’ve all been there before. Sometimes you run out of weed or devices to smoke it out of. Back in ought one there was two solutions:

    1. Scrape the bowl and take resin hits. It’s not the greatest thing in the world, but it sure beats not smoking anything. Make sure you hold it in for a while before exhaling, because the hits won’t be as good and it’s gonna go faster than normal. So you really wanna make sure you get the most value out of each puff.
    2. Find some dirty shwagg from Webster that K-Von is selling down on the 3rd floor of Coolidge for five bucks, roll it up with two ply toilet paper, lick a tiny bit so it doesn’t burn too fast, and let the good times roll.

    But GoFundMe? More like Go fuck yourself. It’s amazing that she got all these idiots to donate over $100 to her already. Jake gave $40!!

    Sorry dude, it’s not gonna get you laid. Not for $40 at least.

    My friends would’ve told my scavenging ass to pound sand. But that was back in the day when you could tell people the truth without hurting their feels.



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    1. Tim

      Would. Definitely would.

      1. Wowza's friend

        Nice body and decent face. Would keep me happy for a few months till I grew bored of having her. I’d support her weed habit for those 6 weeks or so.

    2. name

      Whats sad is that she will get the money. Shes essentially a millennial style prostitute.

    3. Michael Hutson

      Parody account-has to be

    4. Bill Clinton

      She could smoke my bong any day

    5. Independent Thinker

      Does she really think that someone will actually hire her after reading this post?

    6. Troubled Nostrils

      When I was in college, I made my own bongs.

    7. Brian

      Give blow jobs like any other dirty white like yourself would do to raise $500

      1. Brian

        Meant to say dirty whore

    8. Sue

      this is the problem with gofund me pages. People use it for the dumbest shit ever. Back when I was in college we figured out how to smoke whether we had a bong or had to make one with a soda bottle a pen and some tin foil. an empty toilet paper roll works even better. But starting a go fund me over some shit like this is wrong and sad on many levels. While kids are suffering with life threatening diseases and other people have “REAL” problems.. she needs money for a bong. Smh

    9. Steven Stover

      How do I just know that she will leave college in huge debt but can’t get a job over minimum wage cause she took stupid social courses.

    10. They call me Ponch

      Give up the 5-hole and you get dinner and $250 . ( then you gots to go)

    11. Troll McTrollsky

      In this chick’s defense, she’s being pretty honest with us. She’s not making up shit about a “sick child”, or asking for money to help her go through an unclearly defiend “rough patch”. The girl wants to smoke pot, and begging for pot money she is.
      I wish everybody else was this straightforward about their motives, lol.

    12. The Vorlon

      UVM must be SO proud of their students.


    13. Jessica

      At least she’s honest and not trying to get money for her “dead relative” or “friend who lost her house and everything in a fire”. As for the fuck the police. Everyone’s entitled to their own opinion. Do better next time and don’t get your stuff taken away.

    14. Turtleb0z

      Man, the Turtleboy readers don’t need much to show their chauvinistic tendencies eh? “Need money? Perform Sex acts.” Nice, guys!

      1. Bill Clinton

        They don’t call it the “world’s oldest profession” for nothing.

        I would know.

      2. They call me Ponch

        You obviously overlooked the sarcasm and intent with your Misog-goggles on.

        Take them off and realize how out of bounds her request is.

        Strong female role model.

    15. drax

      I think everyone here is overthinking this. Shes just a girl who got upset cause she lost all her stuff and is gonna get in a shit ton of trouble. I doubt this go fund me was meant to reach the greater public. I’ve made similar ones just for my friends who would feel similarly and know me to throw me a little cash for what happened, you guys are taking her efforts way too seriously, relax…

      1. Sue

        Gofund me is something for play

    16. Sue

      *is not

    17. Mojo Cracker

      WTF? Time to take your stupid ass back to Georgia.The ATL always has room for “one mo crack ho!”Cause Danielle, crack ho is what you are fast becoming.Begging for $$$ to buy drugs,on the net??
      Student at UVM??I bet your parents and family are proud of you, you dope headed SKANK!!!!

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