Sports

How Bad Does Phil Simms Wanna Put Peyton Manning In The Bone Zone?

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After Deflategate all we heard about whenever Tom Brady was mentioned, was how his legacy was tainted and how he was a cheater and blah, blah, blah. Yet earlier this week it was revealed that Peyton Manning has been receiving HGH from ISIS, via his wife, and no one seems to care. Didn’t hear it mentioned once during the Broncos-Chargers game today, because the NFL is OBSESSED with blowing Peyton Manning every chance they get.

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And they had plenty of opportunity to point out that he’s a proven cheater, because for the first time in a million years, Peyton actually got to play today. Brock Osweiller sucked today, and the Chargers were losing 13-7 in a game that would give them “home field” throughout the playoffs. So Gary Kubiak made the switch and brought in the NFL’s interception leader to do one job – NOT fuck it up. All he did was hand the ball off to Ronnie Hillman and CJ Anderson a million times and they took care of the rest. But make no doubt about it – if Peyton tried to win that game for them, they would’ve lost.

On a critical possession in the 4th quarter Manning got sacked on a two man rush. He literally had all the time in the world and he just stood there and went down like a ton of bricks. Check out what Phil Simms says about him after that:

“Peyton Manning did the smart thing and took the sack.”

Wait….what? How bout trying to throw the ball away. How bout finding an open receiver since you had an hour and a half to get rid of the ball. Nah, lets just slobber all over this guy because Roger Goodell told us to instead.

Want more proof that the NFL can’t get enough of this guy? Listen to Phil Simms give Peyton Manning credit for the running game:

“Peyton Manning’s throwing which was very good today, but the running game – what he did for it – was part of the story.”

Ya got that? They’re giving Peyton Manning credit for handing the Goddamn ball off now. This is how obvious their Peyton felatios have become.

Here’s what ESPN wrote about it:

Manning replaced Brock Osweiler in the third quarter Sunday and led the Broncos a 27-20 win over the San Diego Chargers that clinched the top seed in the AFC playoffs for Denver.

He “led the Broncos.” How the fuck did he “lead” the Broncos? He said hike and he handed the ball off to his running backs who ran through gaping holes paved by their healthy offensive line.

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All I’m saying is that this is probably the best thing that could’ve happened to the Patriots. Everyone with a brain knows that Osweiller is better than Manning right now. Now Kubiak has no choice but to start Manning in the playoffs – Peyton Manning’s least favorite place ever. The regular season was traditionally Peyton’s safe space, and he’s not even good there anymore. Picture how bad it’s gonna be in the playoffs. Nightmare.

So in conclusion, today was a great day for Patriots fans. The Broncos think they’re the shit, they’re gonna use Peyton and get eliminated against whoever they play at home, and we’ll have home field in the AFC Championship game and cruise to the Super Bowl. God works in mysterious ways, but every day it becomes more and more obvious that he loves us with all his heart.

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2 Comment(s)
  • wabbitt
    January 4, 2016 at 6:25 pm

    If Phil Sims sucked any more, his name would be Chris Collinsworth.

  • WormtownorBust
    January 4, 2016 at 5:08 pm

    Phil Simms boner was visiable from space.

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