• The Gun Parlor

  • If You Enjoyed Our Blog About The Auburn Mall Fight But Have A Problem With The Water Street Ratchet Fight, You Might Be A Gigantic Hypocrite

    Last month everyone laughed at the cheesehogs who fought in front of Santa at the Auburn Mall. Now these same people are defending a white girl who basically did the same thing except without Santa around.

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    Couple days ago we wrote this story about a local woman named Alexis Aslanian who violently attacked another woman while she was being held in a chokehold by the attacker’s much larger friend. Her hair was pulled from behind while she was being held, she was slammed down to the pavement, and then violently assaulted in front of the cameras.

    Afterward the Water Street Ratchet Queen of the week stood in front of a camera and famously said, “gang shit my nigga.”

    It’s like the Gettysburg Address for hoodrats.

    I thought we could all agree that this is classic ratchet Webster behavior. I mean, remember the Auburn Mall cheesehog fight that Santa watched?

    Everyone had a good laugh about that. Literally no one stood up for them. And that’s pretty rare, because the “free my boi” crew never misses out on the opportunity to defend one of their sisters in arms.

    But I guess things are different when it’s a white girl with West Side connections. Because a lot of people have been sending us messages about a post someone made on Facebook in defense of Alexis Aslanian, that’s led to some serious butthurt turtle bashing in the comments. We’re not gonna show you where the post was made because we’re really not trying to drag this story on, and we don’t need an army of turtle riders invading it. But we do need to talk about the topic of discussion, because it’s been liked and commented on hundreds of times. Here’s what it said:
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    Alright first of all, everyone likes Turtleboy until someone they know is featured in it. We get it, it sucks. But if you watched in glee as we gave the play by play of those oversized Beanie Babies going at it in front of Santa Claus, and now all of a sudden it’s a problem because someone you know is featured, you might wanna sit down and think about they hypocrisy of what you’re saying.

    First of all, stop calling 19 year olds children. How did this become a thing? Where does this end? Are 21 year olds children? How bout 23? Or do we only get to arbitrarily decide who is an adult based on how well we know the individual? Because that makes tons of sense.

    As for the “she was wrong and she knows it.” Here’s what she messaged us:

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    If she had messaged us, told us she was in the wrong and that she deeply regrets her behavior, we could’ve at least considered taking it down. But this is not admitting you’re wrong. This is justifying your actions. This is you blaming us for reporting something you did. She doesn’t regret doing it because it was wrong. She regrets the fact that it blew up.

    Does this look like someone who regrets what they did?

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    How bout this?

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    She doesn’t regret anything. She was PROUD of it, until her name was mentioned.

    And proud of what? That she acted like a savage? This is not a normal part of growing up. This is not some rite of passage for 19 year olds. This was a vicious attack that could’ve seriously injured the other girl. Watch the video again. She yells, “I will fucking stab you”

    The brunette is put into a headlock, leaving her completely defenseless, and Alexis violently pulls her down by her hair, bashes her head into the pavement, and then repeatedly punches as the crowd looks on and does nothing. Finally someone stepped in or else she never would’ve stopped.

    Newsflash – this is NOT FUCKING NORMAL!!! What planet are you people living on?

    Of course the biggest cop out was this claim:

    “People who may be jealous of her just for her looks.”

    See that? That’s the problem right there. She could be 500 pounds and people would say the same thing. Normal people were disgusted with with her because of what they saw in that video, not because she happens to be physically attractive.

    It’s just ridiculous because all of a sudden she’s the victim now, and the messenger is the bad guy. Keep in mind, the girl she fought is clearly a person of color. And you have this blonde chick who just savagely beat her with the help of another white friend, telling the world, “gang shit my nigga.” There is an epidemic of white millenials who think they have license to use that word because their favorite rappers do. Newsflash – that word is racist. You can’t justify using it, and you look kind of bad when you say it right after you and another white person jumped a person of color. 

    Now, you know Turtleboy is the last person to play the race card. But how can you not in this case? This is what SJW’s are talking about when they say “white privilege.” If Alexis Aslanian was some Puerto Rican chick with hoop earrings and a pot belly, she wouldn’t be presented as some naive kid who is “growing up.” But I guess when a grimy looking tellatubby does something like this they’re ghetto, but when a pretty white girl acts like a savage it’s “growing up.” Every single fraud who is outraged about this blog, stood in silence as the Auburn Mall cheesehogs were ripped apart by the masses. Let’s see what some of them had to say in the comments…..

    It started off hot with an Internet lawsuit:

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    Come on down Jordan Wriker, you’re the next plaintiff in Turtleboy Internet court!!

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    Next we had the “only God can judge” takes:

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    Then we had the “I drink craft beer and wear hipster glasses, therefore everything offends me and talking about lowlifes makes you a bigger lowlife” crowd:

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    Followed by “Turtleboy is a coward for using free speech”

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    It’s cowardice to punch and run away? Funny, because that’s pretty much exactly what Alexis did in that video. She pulled a defenseless woman down by her hair and beat her repeatedly before running away and yelling “gang shit my nigga.” But please, tell me more about how people who live 50 miles from here aren’t allowed to have an opinion on something because someone else happens to know someone in the blog.

    Then there was the common refrain of “everyone makes mistakes” and “we’ve all been there”:

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    No. No we have not all been there. Fair fights are fine. This wasn’t a fair fight. The tape doesn’t lie. I’ve seen many people I know involved in fair fights, I know what they look like, and this isn’t it. Ya know what none of the people Turtleboy knows said immediately after getting in a fight? “Gang shit my nigga.” Not once. Sorry, I cannot relate to that. Maybe you can, but the only people who talk like that are ratchets in my book. Maybe I’m just sheltered.

    Oh, and this is not a mistake. This is a pattern. Just ask her friends:

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    We got dozens of messages from people who have similar stories. Notice once again Alexis retweets it. Because she embraces her role as the girl who constantly gets in fights. Therefore it wasn’t a “mistake.” It’s the type of adult she has become.

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    If you watched that video and came to the conclusion that Turtleboy was the one guilty of a “vicious attack” then it makes sense how this woman got this way. No one has ever told her that this type of behavior is deplorable, therefore she continues it. And the people who do call her out on it get told that THEY are the ones doing the attacking.

    But then again, we didn’t know her since she was 2:

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    Because that changes everything.

    Then there’s the “Kick his ass Sea Bass” patrol:

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    Does it get any more hypocritical than that? Woman beats up other woman. Turtleboy criticizes woman. Woman’s friends advocate physical harm to Turtleboy. Can’t make this stuff up.

    Oh, and when you realize that everything you stand for is baseless and has no merit whatsoever, just make shit up about molesting kids and post links to a Buffalo blog written by a homophobic, mentally unstable drunkard from Buffalo:

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    Hey guys, sorry to burst your bubble, but this is the source you’re quoting about the “I know who Turtleboy is and he’s a child molester” stuff:

    Sorry, but anyone who thinks Turtleboy Sports is just one guy at this point is delusional. I mean, you’d have really want to believe that to think that.

    Then there’s this:

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    Ahh yes, another “mistake.”


    When someone actually did try to chime in and suggest that maybe Turtleboy isn’t the problem, they were immediately told that their opinions were not welcomed:

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    Finally Mom chimed in:

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    Wait…what? Arrested? For what? Having opinions about someone you love? You know why people take their lives on daily basis? Because they’re mentally ill. And some of them have actual, real life, physical bullies who drag them down by the hair and pummel them in front of people.

    That’s why these people are being hypocrites. Not one person on that thread showed any sort of compassion for the other girl. Not one. It was all about making Alexis feel better about herself.

    Just to be clear, we’re not “attacking” Mom here. We’re disagreeing with her. Obviously we feel sorry for the Mom in this situation. But at the same time, why do you think her daughter had a “lesson learned?” Because remember, this is what she was posting before we wrote the article:

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    Does that sound like someone who has “learned their lesson?” Nope.

    Newsflash – she learned her lesson BECAUSE we wrote a blog about her. Your daughter was on a path directly going to jail. She got into drunken fights A LOT. Ask her friends, who she proudly retweeted. Eventually she was going to seriously hurt someone or herself. While she was doing this where were all these people to tell her to stop tweeting out garbage like this? Why weren’t they concerned when she was getting in fights every weekend? Where was the intervention? Nowhere. Because it was easier for these FRAUDS to write meaningless shit on the Internet about what a great person she is than it was to confront reality. As a result she thought she was doing nothing wrong and it spiraled out of control until she ended up on our blog. You wanna blame us for this? You could’ve stopped it. But you didn’t. So we did. You can thank us later.

    Some people have mentioned we might lose advertising because of this blog series and her family’s “connections.” Let me be perfectly clear – we do not give a fuck. We will not stop telling the truth no matter how much business it costs us. Because this is the kind of thing that scares you off, you probably weren’t ready to advertise us to begin with. Have fun pissing your money away on Pulse Magazine so you can support an accused pedophile like Paul Giorgio. In the meantime we got the Telegram and Gazette running ads on our site so our bills are covered.



    We urge you to support the Turtleboy Sponsors by doing business with them. Without them none of this is possible. Click on any of them to check out their sites or Facebook pages.

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    1. BlackandWhite

      Paging Ronda Rousey. You are needed for some Mass ass kicking.

      1. Strata

        When you google “Alexis Aslanian” the first thing that shows is the TB blog on her. It will be tough shaking this one for those in the future that google her name ….

    2. Turd Burglestein

      Man…I need to find out where these comment wars are going on because I didn’t see this where turtleboy posted the story on his FB page. I would troll the shit outta these butt nuggets.

      1. Talisman

        DO IT! These judge-not fucks would go to judging immediately, but they’re too stupid to see the irony in any of it. Part of the problem with public shaming is these assholes have none and will defend the most moronic behavior under the guise of “we’ve all been there”.
        Having been in few alterations myself, there’s nothing like staring down the barrel of a pistol to make you reevaluate things. And my situation didn’t involve anything physical. My only mistake was banging a chick with a stalker. But I guess I shouldn’t judge him for shoving a handgun in my face and threatening to kill me. I mean, that’s not really not who he is, right?

        1. Talisman

          Not really who he is, that is…fucking phone…dammit

    3. Justice

      The mall ratchet fight was funnier because the blog was funnier. WAY funnier. Whoever wrote that is the one who attracted us to TBS with his take on Busgate. LOL Funny, funny, funny shit right there.

      1. Justice

        Seriously? What are you giving that comment a thumbs down for? Because I said “Mall Fight” was a funnier blog than “Gang shit, my nigga fight?” LOL You people are crazy. One hint of something your feeble minds THINK is an insult to TBS and you are all over it. LOL it was a COMPLIMENT oh simpletons.

    4. Sista

      I for one am not sticking up for her. She has a drinking problem for sure…or is well on her way to having one. That’s on her and those who serve her illegally. She can be as west side as she wants, she’s trashy. No different from the mall rats.

    5. EL

      So many ppl are worked up about this story because this is what happens when you mess with a privileged snowflake.. lets all laugh at the hoodrats tho

    6. old tb fan

      I frequent both Barstool and Turtleboy. At this point the facebook jerry springer fights from turtleboy are getting kinda sad. When Barstool goes at people they at least use their real names, they don’t hide. I will gain a lot more respect for you guys if you can someday come out of the shadows.

      1. Justice

        Except for the fact that TBS goes after such hoodrats, that coming out from the shadows could be dangerous…if not for them, then their families.

      2. Mirror Mirror

        Barstool is for adolescent boys and guys that peaked in high school.

        TB is for adults – unless it’s liberal TB or about some stupid fakebook feud.

    7. Talisman

      Funny how the “no judgement” crowd tends to be the most judgemental. Judgements and decisions are what determine whether or not you are smart enough to learn from mistakes, continue to be an asshole, or even continue to be alive. These are the biggest hypocrites on the planet. Yes, she made a mistake, but all mistakes are not equal. Sometimes, they land you in a pile of shit that is hard to surmount. That’s why you need to make a reasoned “judgement” on whether or not the action you are about to take is an intelligent one. If she continues to want to play the badass and takes on the wrong person one day, she’ll really regret it, or her family will.

      One thing is for sure, humility can and does go a long way to rectify most indiscretions. But somehow, I doubt she has that quality, nor do the “judge not” idiots.

    8. johnnyb

      Where to start?? “She is a nice person”.. Sure till you tell her no or call her out. Then this…”If this was high school”..It ain’t high school, it’s real life. ..also, last time I checked, drinking age in all bars is 21. So, Mom, where did you think your lil snowflake was hanging out on the weekend?

    9. Former Atholian

      I’m sick and tired of people always defending these morons.
      “We all have been there” No we haven’t because we are not a bunch of idiots.
      “It was a mistake she’ll learn from” She’s 19 she is old enough to know better
      “Only god can judge” No, I can judge the shit out of you for your idiotic behavior that there is no excuse for.

    10. Ms. Lotta Leadpipe

      Where’s that follow up story you were teasing us with?

      1. Duke Westwood

        It was called: “Meet Alexis Aslanian: The Webster Chick From The Water Street Fight Video Who Was Celebrating Her 19th Birthday Getting Served Underage And Wants Us To Take The Blog Down”

      2. Duke Westwood

        Followed by: “Worcester Bar That Served 19 Year Old Double-Fisting Ratchet Is Disgraced Former State Rep John Fresolo’s Rocky’s, Which Was Just Suspended 7 Days For Serving Minors”

        That dives into the “rabbit hole” of the political connections involved in the bar she was drinking at and the daughter of the owner Alexis’ friend…

        1. Ms. Lotta Leadpipe

          Thank you, sometimes shit doesn’t show up in my newsfeed apparently.

    11. FiestyLawyerLady

      My goodness gracious… whoever wrote this, I love you. Such balls to say what you did… it’s the truth. Many people will disagree, but fuck em.

      1. Diddy

        I never heard of this blog til a sweet girl Alexis was used and targeted to publicize a story that should, in my opinion, immediately removed from the web. The web is like the Wild Wild West. A shootout in the street with no sheffif. It takes a real coward to try to hide his identity behind a blog and hire lawyers to protect him against what???? A lawsuit??? You are from an extremely small city. And clearly a city where everyone knows everyone…even you. Alexis is young and has had to grow an extremely thick skin over the years. It’s part of natural human survival. This small city and this small blog was a perfect example as to why she has developed this need to defend herself so aggressively. Any other place in the world this young lady could and would flourish. This city is just not a good place for her at this point in her life and I pray she knows her self worth and strives to be the best woman I know she is within.

        She has always been a target for either jealousy from both men and women because she is obviously God-givenly gorgeous, outgoing, easy to talk to, caring, kind, generous, very smart, and hard working. She is not this promiscuous girl that you keep suggesting. She is also faced with being forever linked to all her birth-fathers transgressions by all of the townies. This is not her fault and nor should she feel like she should be judged by anybody else’s actions. Yet…she has. All you see is this ugly and embarrassing street fight, which I am sure it is hard for her to feel sorry about where she is a target everywhere she goes….just look as some of the ignorant townie responses. Any pain or embarrassment this has caused her family I am positive kills her. That is lesson learned enough. She does not need to apologize to you or your blog. I mean you don’t even identify yourself. You got away with your Auburn post, which I don’t plan on reading. I’m not sure why you’ve built up a following, but should this have been your first post… it would have been your last. Passing judgement with only a video fight Report a story…fine. A couple funny comments maybe. Crude judgements and insults and you stay anonymous is the definition of a coward.

        Why not show who you are? Why are you hiding your identity…or should I say your “team’s identity”? You clearly have conviction that you have been bestowed this privilege to try and destroy people with no consequence to yourself. Alexis has probably learned her lesson a thousand times over! The big question now is when will you learn your lesson? Since you believe in learning lessons…. as bad as you have hurt this young girl and her family with total disregard and obvious personal enjoyment… the same pain will inevitably come your way. You set the wheels in motion and it can’t be undone. It’s the way this existence here on earth works.

        We all need to stick to assessing our own infractions. Be kind and understanding to one another. Even when that “other” is blind to what they are doing. It’s thru each other’s forgiveness and love that we heal and grow.

        Mr. Turtlehead….” and staff”

        May God help you see….for you are blind.

        1. Duke Westwood

          Cue the trumpets!!! The White Knight cometh!!!

          You still ain’t getting any…

          1. Mirror Mirror

            HAH. Exactly what I was thinking!

            Sadder still is that Diddy is probably the father or brother of one of her girl friends.

    12. Lola

      I wish I had my own business so I could advertise with TBS!! Keep doing what you are doing, Turtles…we love ya because you don’t pull any punches!

    13. dgaf

      uhhh hello shes like 12 years old getting wasted on water st

    14. ChrisInShrewsbury


      Could you ring up Harr Toyota to see if employees (Danielle Spring) typically shoot Trump supporters?

    15. main man

      The Aslanian family is totally f’d up! The father, the uncles, the gramma. Out of control heroin addicts and lunatics. No respect for human life, no respect for others. Uncle was passed out in a car on Main street last week with his girl passed out behind the wheel of a running car. The family is a shit show and she’s following right in daddy’s footsteps!

    16. AA too

      Every five minutes someone in the U.S. dies from a brain injury. Doesn’t take much either, if one injures their head in the right spot. Slamming a person’s head on the asphalt, will do it. This teen genius better get into anger management counseling, before she does kill someone or puts them in a wheelchair for a lifetime. She’s violent and needs help.

    17. MLM

      I read TurtleBoy everyday and I love it. I think it’s perfectly fair . They call out everyone no matter who you are and what you look like. If you don’t like it all of a sudden because the story is about you or someone you love then you my friend are a hypocrite. I love all you guys over there at the TurtleBoy Headquarters keep writing and I’ll keep riding!

    18. Pats#1

      Even funnier is Dee Porier on your blog under the fb comments with cop killer Jorge Zambrano’s picture on her profile…how awesome!

      1. Pats#1

        Mind you she is supporting the blog…

    19. Paul Larson

      Watch the video… That guy yelling “WORLD STAR”… That’s Woodrow Wilson (a progressive democrat). God I hate that guy. Mussolini admired him. Hitler said “Alexis and Nationalist Socialism is basically the same thing.” Stalin gave Alexis 33% of Poland. And FDR dindu nuffin. Did I mention how much I hate Woodrow Wilson. He pinched my nipples really hard in 1917.

      Paul Larson

    20. Publius

      TB has a point. Lexi kind of deserves this. And unfortunately it will not pass. The internet is forever and ever.

    21. Turd Burglestein

      I actually enjoyed these stories on alexis more than the santa mall fight, but mostly because this chick is hot and the ones in that mall brawl were nasty ass sweaty hogs.

    22. happy tuesday

      If I hear one more person say 19 year old are kids, I could barf. I hear people saying kids and they are like 24. Stopppp!

      I disagree with the whole “white privledge thing”
      Big differences. 1) bar fight. Kid of comes with the territory. The other women went at it inside a business with families.
      Isnt that the whole point of them getting bashed online? In front of Santa didnt help.
      i wouldnt blink an eye if I saw a video with 2 men in their 40s having a fight. All idiots.

      Not cool letting anyone get beat. And when will theae girls learn its not cool, sexy or lady like to have some “tough broad” of a gf. Disgusting.

    23. juror seven esq.

      That Melissa O’Connor Watson has a birthday coming up on February 6th. If I read her Facebook post correctly she is Alexi’s mother. Seems like she will be turning 40. Graduated high school, West Boylston class of 1995. Big point in life turning 40, I wonder if she and Alexi will go out and do the town like her daughter did when she hit 19. She hit more that just 19 when she was out.
      One think I wondered about when everyone came out to defend Alexi and her antics, while going after turtleboy, is whoever posted the cell phone video getting a free pass?

    24. Justice

      If TBS points out minority hoodrats, “he” is racist. If he points out lily white hoodrats, “he” is picking on a someone who made a bad choice. Seems like the turtle can’t win.

    25. Just nick

      Jello grudge match at centerfolds! In this corner tb, in this corner mama bear and alexis and in the other corners the auburn mall teletubies. Now that would be entertainment! Anyone who thinks she has learned a lesson is crazy. This has bolstered her rep. The only newsworthy are some bars may find themselves in hot water with the licensing board. Taking credit for behaviour mod is a bit premature. She’ll be back when the dust settles as it’s her mo

    26. TurtleRideorDieChick

      Mom: “you make me question my parenting.”


      Ya think? Little late now.

      Good luck with your great, great children reading this shit show.


    27. Anonymous

      Don’t worry. Aidan and co. will get what’s coming to them. Word around the campfire is that a few guys are gonna show up unexpectedly at Aidan’s residence on 111 Mason Rd. in Holden and give him a hospital job. You’ll read about it in the news.

      1. Duke Westwood

        Cool story bro. Who’s your agent? Are you looking for publishers?

        1. Tired of Don't Snitch Pussies

          Yeah, that’s the way pussies roll these days. In a mob with their “bros” – 3/4/5 poseurs on one.

          Make sure you leave your mommy in the car, though – you wouldn’t want her to see you get punk’d, junior.

      2. UsualSuspect

        Premeditated assault, bunch of real rocket scientists there! If they do show up at his house, a very big if, hopefully they will be met by a 12 gauge firing 00-buck. I’d love to read about those asshats in the paper.

      3. FiestyLawyerLady

        You’re a fucking loser… Words on the internet hurt you so you threaten physical harm. Definition of a pussy!