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Did anyone honestly believe the New England Patriots would lose a home playoff game to the Indianapolis Colts? You know why I thought there was no chance at all for an upset? It didn’t consume my mind all week. This week all that I will be able to think about are the Denver Broncos. I think I thought about Andrew Luck once this past week. No freaking way was this team going to beat us. This week though, all I will be able to think about is Peyton Manning’s face after Tom Brady spews is awesomeness all over their crap happy defense.

But, secretly I’ll be worried as shit. Sure, Manning has a history of choking, but he’s still Peyton freaking Manning. And he’s surrounded by great players, unlike the chumps that Andrew Luck has to work with on the Colts. Seriously, it’s laughable that anyone in their right mind honestly believed those teams weren’t completely slaughter Saturday night. If they lined up all 106 players and we picked teams like back in 6th grade recess, there would be around three Colts players picked in first 20 picks.

Now I assumed that Colts fans felt the same way that I did. Making it to the second round of the playoffs, winning your division, and losing on the road to the greatest dynasty of all time is a pretty damn good season. Turns out though that a lot of them actually thought the Colts would win the game. I guess that’s understandable after their exciting win over the Kansas City Chiefs wild card weekend. But what shocked me were the excuses that Colts Nation is pulling out of their keesters.

For instance:

“Patriots beat us fair and square.” – Andrew Luck

Yea, don’t you Patriots fans see the truth? You can only win by cheating. It has nothing to do with the fact that you have the greatest quarterback-coach combo in the history of the NFL. It has nothing to do with the fact that the Colts were a vastly inferior team that has no business stepping on the same field as the Patriots. Obviously Bill Belichick lubed Legarette Blount up with petroleum jelly before the game and put a second coat on at halftime which made it impossible for the Colts obviously legendary defense to prevent him from scoring 4 touchdowns. And as far as interference goes, this is ruining the game of football, and it’s all people like Everett’s fault. I think I saw one incomplete pass all game where the receiver (on both teams) didn’t get up and ask for a flag instinctively. Receivers have become the welfare recipients of the NFL. Always wanting something for free and complaining when they don’t get it.

While you losers are crying, we’ll be doing what we usually do up here in Massachusetts – getting ready for the AFC Championship.

Girl, you trippin! First of all, Brittany, you obviously know a lot about sports. You even watched a whole game one time. But you probably should pay a LITTLE more attention. If there’s one thing about the Patriots it’s that they don’t talk shit because they’re not allowed to. The Patriots are like the children from that really strict family that goes to confession once a week. If Brady ever tried to talk trash on Twitter he would have his mouth washed out with soap by the Hooded One.

Good job. Good effort.

I don’t wanna whine, but I’m just gonna go ahead and whine because I can’t think of a better way to finish this sentence.

John must be hanging out with Brittany too much. There’s a lot of things you can make fun of Tom Brady for. Like for instance the fact that his wife treats him like a 6’5″ Ken doll that she can dress up and put fun new outfits on. But white trash? That’s not even really close dude. See if you’re gonna make a joke, it should probably have some element of the truth in it. That’s what makes jokes funny. Brady is metrosexual and he still stuffs his dominance down your throat. That’s the paradox of Tom Brady. If he were white trash then his success would make a little more sense.

And the award for sentence of the day goes to this ^^ guy. To bad indeed Kyle.

So all these people complaining about the refs got me wondering – do these dingleberries realize that Andrew Luck had four interceptions? How do they explain that one?

Don’t you get it Pats fans? Don’t you see? It wasn’t Andrew Luck’s fault that he threw four interceptions. He had to throw the ball because he was losing. Obviously the two headed running attack of Donald Brown and Trent Richardson has been an unstoppable force of nature all season and all game. They would’ve liked to have those hall of famers run the ball down our throats, but they were running out of time.

Now I really like Andrew Luck. He’s ugly as hell and cares not what you think of Civil War era beard and giant bald spot. He threw some amazing balls against the Pats that were Brady-esque. He just threw fourt interceptions as well. It’s gonna happen. But according to Colts fans this guy has pretty much already done it all. Depending on who you ask he will win anywhere between 2 and 10 Super Bowls.

Just a reminder to Colts fans that Andrew Luck is in his second year in the NFL, both as a starter. He couldn’t beat the best team of the era. No big deal right? Except for the fact that Tom Brady won a Super Bowl in his second year by beating the best team of that era, the Greatest Show on Turf. Oh yea, and he didn’t start his rookie or his second year either.

Wouldn’t you Colts fans just love to be born Patriots fans instead?

Charlie, I wish you could feel what it’s like to be a Patriots fan. It’s simply orgasmic. Every year we’re pretty much guaranteed to make at least the AFC Championship. That’s when our season really starts. What you call the regular season, we call the preseason. What you call the first round of the playoffs, we call a warm up.  You know deep within your soulless Indianapolis heart that you wish you were born in New England so you could experience the joy of knowing that week in and week out you’re supposed to win.

The Patriots are so much better than everyone else for so long that the only logical explanation people can come up with is “cheating.” How else do you explain 11 straight seasons of double digit wins? How else do you explain 8 AFC Championship appearances and 5 Super Bowl appearances in 13 years? How else can you explain the fact that Belichick and the Patriots went 11-5 with Matt freaking Cassell as the quarterback? How else you can explain how a team can go 12-4 despite losing the best defensive tackle in football, their starting middle linebacker, and the greatest tight end to ever play in the NFL? Oh yea, and their OTHER star tight end is in jail for arbitrarily killing more people than Kim Jong-Un. Clearly the fact that the Patriots taped a few walk throughs, which EVERY OTHER TEAM in football was doing for years, is the reason that they have averaged 12 wins a year ever since then.

Obviously we know the Patriots didn’t cheat, but it’s flattering to hear trolls openly admit that the Patriots are THAT much better than everyone else. It’s like all those idiots in the Middle East that hate America. You know why they hate America? Because America’s awesome and they live in caves. In America women get stoned for fun in Colorado. Over there they get stoned for learning. So instead of modeling themselves after something that clearly works, they cry about and say we’re evil. Yea, that’s it.

Why don’t you ponder how hard you want to laugh while I ponder the joy I will feel when we beat your boy Peyton Manning next week. Again. And considering that the tortoise not only covered the spread but beat the hare outright, I would probably be taking notes instead of laughing as these takes are hot enough to keep you warm throughout the winter.

The biggest winner on the Colts Facebook page was a gentlemen named Sean DeMarco.

Ya got that? The Colts EASILY could have won that game. A game they lost by 21 that was at no point actually in contention. Tipped balls that Andrew Luck threw and were intercepted were not actually Andrew Luck’s fault. Gravity was. That idiot FB/RB who plays for the team that Sean roots for, but doesn’t know his name, was clearly at fault for dropping a critical pass that Andrew Luck threw to him.

But I’m confused Sean, how could the Patriots have lost that game?

At no point was I ever worried the Patriots would lose that game. And I’ve seen them blow some good leads. No offense bud, but you’re nowhere near the challenge the Ravens, Broncos, and Giants give us. You’re basically the same thing the Texans were last year. You’re the team we can look past and not really worry about. You’re happy you guys made it there and are happy that your team was only down by 7 points in the 4th quarter. That means both of us can walk away satisfied.

So let me get this straight Sean. The Colts would have won the game if the following hadn’t happened:

• If your players had corralled an out of control ball that went out of the end zone for a safety, and instead scored a touchdown on it.
• The referees didn’t blow the game. A game in which the Patriots rushed the ball for six touchdowns.
• The Colts hadn’t turned the ball over so much.
• The Colts hadn’t dropped the ball so much.

You got that Pats fans? The Colts were gonna win the game but then the Colts did things that caused them to lose the game. If they had only done things that resulted in four more touchdowns then the game was their’s. It’s basically dead even. If only the Patriots didn’t have Tom Brady. If only the Patriots didn’t have Bill Belichick. If only the Colts weren’t a rag tag collection of nobodies surrounding Andrew Luck. Man, they were so close.

It must suck to know that you had a good season, but in the end, you were never really close to making the next step up to the Patriots level. Understandable.These nudniks are happy that they were within one touchdown of the Patriots early on in the 4th quarter. A 21 point loss in which a fat running back ran all over them and their quarterback threw 4 is considered a moral victory against the Patriots.

These people have made me remember how much I detest Colts fans. They think the rivalry we had with them years back was an actual rivalry. Newsflash morons: Brady was 9-4 against Manning. That’s not a rivalry. It’s organized bullying. And unlike your crappy team we don’t tank entire seasons in order to get Andrew Luck. How’d that work out by the way? Well, at least the Colts first round pick in April will be a great building block for the future. Oh way, they traded that for the worst running back I’ve ever seen in the history of the world. Look like it’s Luck and idiots again next year.

Good job. Good effort.

Feel free to share your thoughts to keep the conversation going.

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