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Nathan Hale is famously quoted as saying, “I only regret that i have but one life to lose for my country.” Then he said, “I was totally just kidding guys” right before the British executed him anyway on charges of dooshnozzelry. The American Patriot was taking a stand against tyranny. This week, a bunch of modern day patriots stuck it to the man at Nathan Hale High School in Seattle:

Seattle Times: Not a single junior at Seattle’s Nathan Hale High showed up to take new state tests in reading and math this week, a school-district spokeswoman said Thursday.

Testing started Tuesday at the school, where a group of teachers, administrators, parents and students had earlier agreed to boycott the exams, called Smarter Balanced, which are replacing Washington’s old statewide tests.

Under pressure from the district’s top administrators, the school’s leaders capitulated, sending an email to families saying they would give the test after all.

But the 280 juniors — who don’t need to pass the Smarter Balanced exam to graduate from high school — opted out anyway.

Doug Edelstein, a history teacher at Nathan Hale who questions the validity of the tests, said juniors and their parents decided for themselves the tests were a waste of time.

“Students voted with their own feet,” Edelstein said. “They felt like they knew the facts, and made their own decisions.”

The Smarter Balanced exams, meant to be taken online, are designed to measure how well students have mastered the Common Core standards in reading and math, which Washington and most states have agreed to use. Some schools piloted the tests last year.

See that hippies? That’s how you protest right there. Well, actually it’s more like an anti-test.

Unlike you morons who stand in traffic and change nothing, these kids took a stand. They saw something that was actually worth protesting and they did something about it. I guarantee they won’t be the last to do it either. That’s how you dominate civil disobedience, so I hope you hippies were taking notes.

Anyway, standardized tests are the biggest scam in American history. First of all, standardized testing companies are making bank on this.

Secondly, do you realize how much time your kid loses to testing now? So there’s 180 days in the school year right? OK, the first week is meet and greets and the last week is movie time. That’s 10 days gone right there. Then you have 3 days of ELA tests, 3 days of Math, and 3 days of science testing. That’s 9 days – or 5% of the school year – gone. Just like that. No learning, nothing. Just testing.

And when a school is evaluated based on their ELA and Math scores, take a wild guess what happens? Well, in the swanky upscale schools they’ll still go on having gym and home economics, because they’re being raised by normal parents who don’t attack their schoolbus drivers. But in urban districts it’s basically test prep central. No social studies, no fun classes, no movies. After all, if it’s not on the state test then it’s obviously not worth learning about. Gee, I wonder why some kids hate school.

Standardized tests are nothing more than a way for politicians and people like Melinda Boone to point to a chart and show us how awesome they are. If test scores go up, then they did that. If test scores are down, fire everyone.

Gee whiz, I wonder why 44 schools in Atlanta cheated on their standardized tests in 2009? Probably because Atlanta has more problems than Chris Christie’s furniture, and yet they still had “inordinate pressure to meet targets set by the district and said they faced severe consequences such as a negative evaluation or termination if they didn’t.”

Superintendent Beverly Hall was awarded “Superintendent of the Year” in 2009 because the district did so well on the tests they cheated on. And the mere fact that there is an award called “Superintendent of the Year” represents everything that is wrong with American education. Because as we’ve seen with Melinda Boone, there is nothing more irrelevant to your son or daughter’s education than a superintendent.

So what was the repercussion from the Atlanta cheating scandal? I mean, it’s just a stupid, meaningless test right? Maybe just a stern talking to and a strong look of disappointment? Oh wait, you mean the teachers were all sentenced to 20 year prison terms?

Donald Bullock, left, former Atlanta Public Schools Usher-Collier Heights Elementary testing coordinator, is led to a holding cell after a jury found him guilty in the Atlanta Public Schools test-cheating trial, Wednesday, April 1, 2015, in Atlanta. Bullock and 10 other former Atlanta Public Schools educators accused of participating in a test cheating conspiracy that drew nationwide attention were convicted Wednesday of racketeering charges. (AP Photo/Atlanta Journal-Constitution, Kent D. Johnson, Pool)

See that hippies? That’s what actual “white privilege” looks like. Schools with the white kids don’t have to worry about the state test because they’re all gonna pass it anyway. But ironically the government, in it’s infinite wisdom, has determined that school “accountability” (through testing) is designed to HELP children of color. Because after all, their teachers are clearly standing in the way of their never-ending thirst for knowledge.

A standardized test will point out which teachers need to go and who can stay. Because clearly they are the X factor here. So what you get is that black teachers are being forced to get their black students to magically overcome socioeconomic disadvantages so their superintendent can point to a chart and say, “look, we caught up to the white kids.”

THAT is what racism looks like.

Where were you on that one hippies? Instead of standing up for African-American teachers being sentenced to cruel and unusual prison sentences for trying to keep their jobs and serve the community, you’re standing up for con-artist dooshnozzles like Gerald Jones – the professional asshole Hector Pineiro is using for his next big anti-cop settlement pay day.

The only thing worse than a standardized test, is one that’s used to evaluate the common core. Guess what kids don’t learn in school anymore? Times tables. Because learning that 7 x 6 = 42 is no longer a thing. I remember Mrs. Cardinal once told me in 3rd grade that if I didn’t learn my 7’s by February that I was “cruisin for a bruisin.” And she said it with a Scottish accent so I didn’t wanna find out what that meant. So I learned what 7 x 6 is, and it’s something I’ve literally used tens of thousands of times in my life. I learned it so well that it became routine. I don’t even have to think about it.

But it’s explaining WHY 7 x 6 = 42 that matters now. Kids literally have to write paragraphs explaining their answers or show ridiculous charts now to show what you and I could do in three seconds. Here’s the work kids now have to show to get correct answers on these tests:

Look, it doesn’t matter WHY 67 x 45 = 3,015. All that matters is that 3,015 IS the answer. That’s all you’ll ever need in life – solutions. No one gives a shit how you get the job done. They just care that it’s done.

This is how kids learn how to subtract now

Ummmmm….what?? Yea if I was in high school there is absolutely no way I could take any of this shit seriously. Who has time for this? 243 minus 87 is 156 because I crossed out the 4 and put a 3 instead. I have no idea why I had to do this, but Mrs. Cunningham told me to, so that’s what I’m gonna do. And what do ya know? I got the same fucking answer these kids are getting with Common Core.

The bottom line is that this is yet another example of why politicians need to stay the hell out of education. Because 95% of the time the government will fuck up a good thing if it’s working. And all of us managed to graduate from high school and become functioning adults without Common Core or standardized tests. I have no idea what superintendents did back then without charts to point at, but it didn’t really matter because schools don’t exist to give people like Melinda Boone jobs. They exist for kids. And the kids at Nathan Hale High School have spoken.

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