WTF

Leominster Dad Bottlerocket And His Wife Went Viral Again With a Rum Punch Fueled Target Bender, Uptight Naniburgers Don’t Think It’s Very Funny

Leominster Dad Bottlerocket And His Wife Went Viral Again With a Rum Punch Fueled Target Bender, Uptight Naniburgers Don’t Think It’s Very Funny

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You may remember the Vine famous Leominster Dad Tony Serafini, more commonly known as “Bottlerocket” on the world wide internets, who constantly seems to find himself being the talk of the town by famous media personalities. We first found this guy when he accidentally made the front page of Reddit after his collection of Saturday morning vines, in which he uses satire to show what the life of this average suburban Dad raising two girls is like in his house, went viral:

Anyone who understands comedy was able to figure out that this guy obviously loves his kids, despite his frustrated and tired reactions as his daughters blasted Miley Cyrus and Taylor Swift at 8 AM. That’s what makes it so funny – we’ve all been there before.

Others were not as smart:

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Oh for fuck’s sake.

But he made it onto ABC News where he got to explain himself and show the world that he’s actually a loving father:


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After that we started religiously following his Vines, including some of our favorites about teaching Drake in math class:

That time Drake called his house on drugs:

Asking Sammy Morris if he could shower with him because Sammy Morris showered with Tom Brady:

Teaching his daughter how to crop dust:

Bringing up Bill Cosby at Thanksgiving

And sounding exactly like Mark Wahlberg

Last year he was invited on Ellen after a tweet about his daughter walking around a store with a checkboard went viral:

We were honored to have him on an episode of Turtleboy Live in April:

And now he’s famous again, because George Takei and several others shared his recent tweet about a hot date him and his wife had at Target:

That’s a lot of retweets. For comparison look at any tweet from President Trump, who has over 30 million followers. He usually gets between 10-20,000 retweets. This guy got almost 40K. Winning.

Here’s how it went down:

Tony and Alyssa Serafini are those parents. According to Scary Mommy, the two are teachers and are constantly around children. So, when summer time rolled around they were overjoyed to have some time off. They decided to plan a date night. They hired an overnight babysitter and made reservations at a restaurant for dinner and drinks. After that, it depended on where the night wanted to take them. Actually, it ended up taking them where a drunken Alyssa wanted to go. And it wasn’t to a fancy club for dancing or to hear some jazz. Their night started out a local restaurant, Gibbet Hill Grill, where they finally got to use a gift card they had.

“They have this drink called ’10 Years Rum Punch’ that comes in its own little bottle,” Tony told Scary Mommy. “My wife got two of them and then wouldn’t stop talking about back to school shopping at Target, but I didn’t want to do that because it’s still July.”

Once images of Target shopping started dancing around in Alyssa’s head, there was no stopping it. She had to go to Target and her kind husband obliged to her rum-fueled whims. And when she was staggering down those big white isles under those bright fluorescent lights, she was in heaven. And Tony, well, he went along with it like a champ. She got to fill up her cart with whatever her heart desired. She even got to play hide and go seek.

Friggin Bottlerocket man. This guy is the only person in America who gets his 15 minutes of fame every other half hour. The funny part is, it happens accidentally. He posts funny shit all the time:

https://twitter.com/bottlerocket/status/892028204487241728

And then randomly one of his adventures gets retweeted a million times and the next thing you know he’s on Ellen.

Well once again some people don’t understand his brand of comedy:

Well, she seems like fun at parties. Luckily she fits nicely between rocks, so we can forgive her for this stupid comment.

Yes Mitchell. Yes they are. Kids suck your souls out and apologize for nothing. Speaking of soul sucking…..

Nuff said.

Anyone who has multiple children understands the importance of a night out with your spouse. Some of us end up at Wendy’s after four or five stiffies at the Blarney. Others end up doing back to school shopping at Target. Shit happens when you drink rum punch.

Yup. I understand why she’s following George Takei. Seems like your average, run of the mill, wicked fun social justice warrior extraordinaire. Hey here’s an idea – maybe they took an Uber. Or perhaps he was sober, since the article clearly states that it was her that was drinking. Reading is fun. Or maybe, just MAYBE, you just shouldn’t ask dumb questions and constantly try to be the turd in the punch bowl.

Newsflash – working in retail is supposed to suck. That’s why you only take a job in retail when you’re out of options, need to get paid, but still wanna keep your eyes out for a real job.

Anyway, the fact that people can’t see a story like this and just laugh at it is everything that is wrong with the world we live in today. People are way, way, way too serious. I understand there are times when we need to be adults, but we also need times where we can get drunk and wander around Target and not give a shit. Without stuff like this life wouldn’t be worth living. Keep doing you Bottlerocket and Mrs. Bottlerocket.

 

 

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10 Comment(s)
  • August 30, 2017 at 10:42 pm

    Generally I don’t read post on blogs, however I wish
    to say that this write-up very forced me to check out and do it!

    Your writing taste has been amazed me. Thanks, quite great article.

  • Kim g
    August 6, 2017 at 9:07 pm

    Ok i think i need to do a vine blog of my daughter excitedly telling me about something she bought on roblox with her robux while playing fnaf or some other game where she keeps begging me to buy her an adominous (wth is that you ask?..i have no flipping clue but it cost 1 million robux which cost $10 for like 2000) anyway…she runs in the living room at least a few times a day sooo excited and i just sit there confused and say “NO FRIGGEN WAY THAT IS AMAZING” i have no idea wth she is even talking about. Livy is gonna be 8 on 10/30 and next yr wants to take a minecraft coding class at the college my husband works at

  • Ron Jeremy
    August 1, 2017 at 7:47 pm

    Gotta remember women who look bony in regular clothes look porn-hot in spandex.

  • Drunk Teachers
    August 1, 2017 at 7:04 pm

    Sounds like TB is promoting their brand or trying to link to somebody’s search algorithm.

  • The Rant Queen
    August 1, 2017 at 2:50 pm

    Come on, who were they hurting? They didn’t get in anyone’s way or damage any merchandise, they had every right to be there since they were actually shopping. Seriously, anyone who bitches about this are either jealous, or they don’t have kids. Must be nice to just be able to get hammered at home whenever you want, without having any lives depend on you. Stfu with your whining and let harmless people have their harmless fun. Clowns.

  • Turtleboy is a bunch of homos
    August 1, 2017 at 2:24 pm

    Good thing they weren’t selling their unopened, legal, over the counter Plan B pill or you would have every Turtlehead popping out of all the rectums this website reaches waiting for another hard hitting expose of those evil people reselling legal merchandise. Oh the horror!

  • Ayuh
    August 1, 2017 at 1:58 pm

    C’mon dudes, these comments aren’t that bad. Completely ignorable. You make it sound like they got lynched by SJWs. If you wanna suck his d***, just ask him, lol!

  • Alma
    August 1, 2017 at 1:56 pm

    Does Mrs. Bottlerocket need a BFF??? Look me up sistah.

  • Sugar Mom in Boston
    August 1, 2017 at 1:04 pm

    You need to do a blog on how to receive the free $100 gift cards.

    • Nope
      August 1, 2017 at 1:55 pm

      Or they could continue to be funny, and you can earn your own money. Try it!

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