Move Over 860 Money Crew: “Baker Cult” Rappers From The Mean Streets Of Grafton Make Grand Entrance Into Turtleboy Suburban Hardo Rap Hall Of Fame
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Editor’s Note: Rumor is we are adding a freestyle rap segment to the Turtleboy Live show, in which we recap the week in turtle using a hot beat. Should be fun.
Looks like the 860 money crew has some competition for most legendary suburban rappers in Turtleboy history. They’re called the Baker Cult, AKA Baker Boys Production, they’re from Grafton, and they’re as hardcore as you get:
“Sippin Henny like that shit be Aquafina.”
Well, that’s a new one.
Does it really count as a rap video if it sounds like R2 D2 is singing a lullaby? What happened to old school rap? Kids these days with their autotunes. Back in the day all we had were some hot lyrics and a kid in the corner creating some sort of beat by making strange noises into his his hands.
Something like that. Never failed to start a freestyle battle.
Also, when shooting a rap video you have to remember to bring your props with you. For instance, the gallon of water is a must:
As is the orange juice phone
The Moe’s poster
The Corn Flakes jacket
The man bun
The mouth full of bagels
And of course a banana
Because you can never shoot a rap video without some guy (I think) in the corner holding a banana.
What I don’t get is this need to act like a hardo. Like, you’re from Grafton guys. It’s lovely there. Someday I’d like to live in Grafton. Great schools, nice little gazebo, good pizza, access to the Mass Pike. G-Town’s got it all. You can’t be a junior hoodrat and live in Grafton. It’s impossible. So I’m not buying some of these lyrics. The “re up?” You don’t get to use that word unless you’re living in Section 8. “Hampton came on through he said that shit was live”? What shit was live? This entire four minute video involved 6-8 locals wandering through a parking lot before entering a basement, sitting on couches, and smoking blunts. That’s not what “that shit was live” means. That’s not how this works.
Oh, and here’s another thing – don’t brag about selling marijuana to high school kids in your rap videos. Even if you’re selling it to them for bargain basement prices:
“I’m getting the zip and smoking the weed, for high school kids it’s kind of cheap, but Baker Cult gets some for free.”
Additionally, there’s no such thing as having “homeys” in Grafton:
“All the homeys know that I’m tripping.”
Hey guys, the 90’s called – they want their vernacular back. Look, if you’re a suburban kid and you wanna start rapping, I’m all for it. But just be yourself. Once again, if you live in Grafton you don’t say words like “homeys” unless you’re intentionally trying to sound like someone you’re not. Just be yourself and own it. Check out my man Nate Ford, the chill WPI frat boy who made the greatest rap video we’ve ever profiled on Turtleboy Sports:
See, that’s good music. He’s happy. He’s in the love club. He’s walking through the streets of Worcester on a beautiful day without a care in the world. Also note his name isn’t “WPI boys don’t fuck around.” It’s just Nate Ford. Because that’s his name. They lyrics speak for themselves:
“I tend to be a lot more optimistic, you could dwell on the negative but I don’t miss it, people call it a sickness, that’s why I’m the realest cat in the business.”
Life is good. I would guess that Nate Ford probably likes to smoke pot. But he doesn’t feel the need to broadcast it to the world because that jive is cliche. Look at what him and his “homeys” did in their video:
That looks like a good time.
Now look at what the Baker Cult and their homeys did:
That doesn’t look like nearly as much as fun. Just sayin.
Oh yea, and can we maybe get a camera that doesn’t constantly have to refocus every time it moves?
And maybe even shoot it during the day, or at least get some sort of lighting?
They’ve also got a bunch of other hot fire videos on their Youtube channel. Like this one, where they seem to walk around the high school, talking about how they “don’t fuck with rats,” and ask the age old question – “if I wasn’t getting money would you still want me” (because they can’t tell if all their ho’s are just using them for the free trips to Wendy’s), all while incorporating gratuitous use of the n word:
Then there’s this one where they once again walk through the Grafton High School library and attend some sort of gym class, before once again smoking weed in their basement, getting fast food, and then going back to the very same basement to smoke more weed and freestyle:
Or this one called “Moonpack” where they once again go to the basement, take bong rips, eat fast food, geek out, and put plastic bags on their heads:
Anyway, if I’m comparing the two, I gotta give this round to 860 Money Crew. Mainly because they don’t use autotune for the most part. But we look forward to seeing what the Baker Cult has in store for us in the future.
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