All-Star Criminals

Newport Dildo Prince Goes On Burglary Spree, Tries To Choke A Cop When He’s Arrested, And Gets His Ass Handed To Him In Amazing Display Of Justice

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Meet Ryan Gobin. Ryan is from Newport, NH and enjoys burglarizing local businesses, breaking into vehicles of disabled citizens, and assaulting police officers. He’s 18 and clearly academically advanced with a bright future.

What a little turd. So this kid is already out on bail for previous fuck ups and he decides to try it again. First he tries to break into a vehicle:

Then he tries to break into a house and gets caught because he’s fucking terrible at it.

So police take him into custody and instead of acting like a remorseful human being, he tries to choke the officer processing him. Judging by his booking photo, babychud didn’t win that fight. I wish I could have seen this little shitstain get his ass handed to him.

Strange though, because it sounds so out of character. He seems like such a good kid with lots of extracurricular activities and so many interests other than posing for urinal selfies with the obligatory flat-brimmed douche hat.

Although I’d normally be all over an Abercrombie model wannabe with a mild case of lazy eye and a fascination with mirrors (who wouldn’t be?), this is just too much douche in one place.

What does that even mean? Did he make that meme himself?

Maybe I can explain SOME of this chudbaggery.

Yup, future Florida college drop out. Nothing good can come of Florida, especially not education.

Anyways, next time you’re thinking of assaulting an officer, remember this face and think twice.

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3 Comment(s)
  • North Country Turtle Rider
    June 29, 2017 at 10:15 pm

    Is that not the most punchable face you’ve ever seen?

    • Wabbitt
      wabbitt
      June 30, 2017 at 9:05 pm

      I don’t know – I’ve seen Justin Trudeau. His smug visage is infinitely punchable.

  • Don't Pee In The Pool
    June 29, 2017 at 7:48 pm

    Funny thing here. In High School we knew Ryan Gobin as “the cock goblin”. He’d fucking fly off the handle every time we used it. Let’s just say hanging around urinals isn’t out of character for Ryan.

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