Hoodrat Heroes

Obamaphones Jones Knocks Out Peter McSwahili And Completely Murders His Ankle In Downtown Providence, But Refuses To Surrender And Fights On With Broken Foot

Obamaphones Jones Knocks Out Peter McSwahili And Completely Murders His Ankle In Downtown Providence, But Refuses To Surrender And Fights On With Broken Foot

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Providence is the most overrated city in America. People act like it’s so nice because it looks good when you go by it on the highway. The reality is that it’s a third world shithole. And now that they’ve closed Fire and Ice even downtown has turned into “So you think you can World Star” tryouts. Incidents like these two sewer guppies throwing fisticuffs in Kennedy Plaza are becoming pretty standard. Watch the guy with the black shoes. Particularly his feet (WARNING – NSFW):

White shoes might as well be Allen Iverson. Out there breaking ankles like it’s ought two. Might’ve actually helped black shoes. Dude was getting his ass beat at first, despite having probably 20 pounds on Obamaphones Jones. But what he lacked in size he made up in heart:

Just look at this form:

Lead foot planted forward. Hips moving with the punch. Power coming from the bottom. Pinpoint accuracy. This ain’t the first time OBPJ has had to knock a mother fucker out for fucking with his food stamps in downtown Providence.

Luckily for Peter McSwahili he landed directly on his ankle on the way down and it literally snapped in half:

Most would probably stay down after such a violent and nauseating injury. Not Peter McSwahili though. He had the one thing more important than anything to veteran hoodrats fueling him – pride. He literally tried to stand up on the scraps of cartilage that made up his ankle

And luckily for him it didn’t hold out, which allowed him to fall down once again, and thus inadvertently duck under Obamaphones Jones vicious right hook.

And from that point on no fucks were given as he continued to show Kerri Strugg who the real MVP was:

Put this dude on a Wheaties box!! That was the grossest thing I’ve ever seen and the dude just absolutely refused to surrender.

But seriously, fuck Providence. It’s not quite as bad as Central Falls and Woonsocket yet, but it’s definitely surpassed Pawtucket and West Warwick and getting close to challenging for the throne of most ratchet infested city in the Ocean State.



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7 Comment(s)
  • wabbitt
    September 10, 2017 at 4:45 am

    Peter McSwahili. What a fucking reference!

    And call backs to Kerri Strug and Allen Iverson? Making me feel old, TB.

  • LCH
    September 7, 2017 at 11:39 pm

    It’s like the Monty Python black knight fight scene

    • wabbitt
      September 10, 2017 at 4:45 am

      It’s just a flesh wound!

  • They call me Ponch
    September 7, 2017 at 8:48 pm

    Ain’t nobody got time for that!

  • whatevuh
    September 7, 2017 at 3:55 am

    (opening wallet) Now I’m going to have to pay for this shitbag getting his foot repaired, it just never stops

  • Kerry Strug
    September 7, 2017 at 1:33 am

    Looks like the white dude in the background is holding Obama phone Jones’ flat brimmed Bulls hat for him while he loses his foot.

  • Webster Turtle Rider
    September 7, 2017 at 1:18 am

    Funniest thing I’ve seen all week. Nice work.

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