WTF

Oberlin College Protesters Demand To Be Paid For Protesting, Want Segregation And Culturally Accurate Food

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Last year we wrote about this spoiled rich white girl with a hyphenated name from Oberlin College, Della Kurzer-Zlotnick. You may recall that protesting for Mike Brown and Eric Garner was all the rage last December on college campuses, and as a result our girl Della emailed her professor, and demanded that students be exempt from the final if they were protesting, because that should take priority. She even went so far to say that what black students at Oberlin were dealing with was more traumatic than the Sandy Hook massacre!! Because a bunch of kids whining about criminals getting shot is one of the hardest things anyone will ever have to go through. Her professor’s response was EPIC:

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No. Just no. Everything you just said is dumb. I know you think you’re smart because you go to college, but your brain is really just filled with cream cheese and idealism. We congratulate you on your incorporation of PC buzzwords, but it doesn’t change the fact that you are making a conscious choice to protest instead of study. You don’t have to protest, since nothing is wrong and a grand jury decided that Mike Brown wasn’t murdered. You can if you want to, but if you don’t study for your final as a result of that, then you have to deal with these fancy things called “consequences.” Your butthurt generation isn’t familiar with them since you’ve all received trophies despite your never ending supply of failures. But they exist in real life, and now you must deal with them.

Also, you are not even close to being oppressed, and neither are any other students who have the privilege to go to Lena Dunham’s private school alma matter in Ohio.

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Anyway, Oberlin is back in the news again after issuing what is perhaps the most ridiculous set of demands by entitled college students we have seen thus far. If you get a chance and wanna have a good laugh, read the 14 page list of demandsI can’t stop laughing. Here’s my favorite demand:

We DEMAND that Black student leaders be provided a $8.20/hr stipend for their continuous organizing efforts around the well being of Black people on Oberlin’s campus, city and beyond. 

LOL. They wanna be paid for protesting now. Ya got that? Let me explain to you their rationale. Oberlin College, like every other progressive liberal school in this country, is racist. Yes, I know it may sound word, but even far left progressives are racist now. The students would prefer that their schools NOT be so racist, but unfortunately they are. This leaves the students with no choice but to protest in order to force the school to not be racist. But the students shouldn’t have to do this, the school should already be doing it. Therefore the students are doing the job of the school, and they should be compensated for it. 

You can’t make this stuff up. They actually believe this. Unnecessary voluntary protesting = hard labor. 

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The 14-page document opens with this nice buzzword salad:

Oberlin College and Conservatory is an unethical institution From capitalizing on massive labor exploitation across campus, to the Conservatory of Music treating Black and other students of color as less than through its everyday running, Oberlin College unapologetically acts as [sic] unethical institution, antithetical to its historical vision.

“This institution functions on the premises of imperialism, white supremacy, capitalism, ableism, and a cissexist heteropatriarchy,” it continues.

Stop the fight!!! “Cissexist heteropatriarcy.” Let’s get a hippie slow clap going for that one. Wow, just wow. What a fantastic, borderline orgasmic combination of hippie buzzwords that is. Somewhere Boom-Boom Conner is sitting in a bathtub having happy thoughts, and kicking herself for not coming up with that one. 

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Other demands on the list include one for the “establishment of special, segregated black-only ‘safe spaces’ across campus” and a “40 percent increase in the number of black students in the school’s jazz department by 2022.”

Segregated black only safe spaces? Oh, you mean like Jim Crow? I think America tried that one time. Not sure how it ended up. Might wanna Google it. Sounds like a lot of progress coming from these obviously very smart college students. 

They’re also very upset about the ethnic food on campus:

Students at an ultra-liberal Ohio college are in an uproar over the fried chicken, sushi and Vietnamese sandwiches served in the school cafeterias, complaining the dishes are “insensitive” and “culturally inappropriate.” General Tso’s chicken was made with steamed chicken instead of fried — which is not authentically Chinese, and simply “weird,” one student bellyached in the Oberlin Review.

Others were up in arms over banh mi Vietnamese sandwiches served with coleslaw instead of pickled vegetables, and on ciabatta bread, rather than the traditional French baguette. “It was ridiculous,” gripes Diep Nguyen, a freshman who is a Vietnam native.

Worse, the sushi rice was undercooked in a way that was, according to one student, “disrespectful” of her culture. Tomoyo Joshi, a junior from Japan, was highly offended by this flagrant violation of her rice. “I f people not from that heritage take food, modify it and serve it as ‘authentic,’ it is appropriative,” she said.

You call that a rant? I’ll show you a rant about Chinese food:

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Where have you been for the last year Michelle Derez? That is still one of the most epic blogs we’ve ever published. 

If these whining crybabies ever go to the Super Chinese Buffet in Webster Square they are going to lose their freaking MINDS!! You want your General Tso’s chicken steamed instead of fried? LOL. That’s gonna be the least of your problems at the Super Chinese Buffet. Wait until you see the 8 year old girl cutting green beans with dull scissors on the uncleaned table next to you. She also happens to be the only person in the whole joint who speaks English, and 90% of the time she won’t be able to help you because she’s doing her math homework. 

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They also had this interesting demand:

The cafeteria there wasn’t serving enough vegan and vegetarian options and had failed to make fried chicken a permanent feature on the Sunday night menu, the school newspaper reported. 

Those students started a petition that also recommends the reduction of cream used in dishes, because “black American food doesn’t have much cream in it,” according to the Review.

Ummmmm….isn’t this kind of the opposite thing the protester crowd should be pushing for? Ya know, because fried chicken has certain racist connotations to it? So these nudniks want segregation and mandatory fried chicken. Sounds like they’re really making strides towards racial progress over there at Oberlin College. 

The bottom line is that I never want these list of demands to end. Each one is funnier than the last and I can’t wait to see what they come up with next. 

 

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15 Comment(s)
  • typical white person
    January 11, 2016 at 1:28 pm

    There is no recipe that cannot be improved by the addition of heavy cream. Or butter

  • wabbitt
    December 21, 2015 at 6:09 pm

    That whirring noise you hear is the sound of everyone who died for the cause of black equality spinning in their graves. I think Medgar Evers just broke Mach 1.

    • Skeptical
      December 22, 2015 at 4:37 pm

      The reason we don’t hear MLK is because he already disintegrated himself after he spun at light speed.

      This is just fucking retarded. I am Italian, Mostly Tuscan, some Sicilian, and I don’t get pissed and offended because Olive Garden literally does every dish incorrectly. Who gives a fuck? If it sucks, don’t eat it. Maybe I should make a list of demands that they stop insulting all of my cultural dishes because it is “appropriative” and “insensitive” LOL

      You know what? I’m gonna sue Bethesda Studios in Maryland for making Cait in Fallout 4. My Irish heritage feels insulted at the stereotypical appropriation for the sake of entertainment and profit. This I have a case Wabbitt?

      And I live the vegan vegetarian bullshit. Even BLM is less intellectually bankrupt than those morons. Those diets are for idiots that can’t read a single nutritional study competently.

      • Skeptical
        December 22, 2015 at 4:38 pm

        *Think I have a case?*

        My hands betray me.

  • Sissy Hankshaw
    December 21, 2015 at 4:45 pm

    I didn’t realize I was racist for making tacos last night.

  • Chris From Georgia
    December 21, 2015 at 10:20 am

    Looks like Oberlin is educating the next generation of fast food workers!!! That’s about the only job these clowns will be able to get.

  • george
    December 21, 2015 at 7:48 am

    Can’t wait for these college clowns to be out in the real world in a couple years. Number one nobody will hire the after a quick Google search, and they will be in for a world of shock to see how much they were babies compared to living in reality.

  • Publius
    December 20, 2015 at 8:41 pm

    Is it any wonder that most of these kids will be unemployed or at best underemployed.

  • c. racker
    December 20, 2015 at 7:04 pm

    Kids like this are our future??? We are fucked! These kids are retarded

  • juror seven
    December 20, 2015 at 6:22 pm

    No surprise, Oberlin College claims ESPN’s Chris Broussard among its alumni. The same Chris Broussard that Deadspin refers to as ESPN’s favorite kind of Shitty.
    Thornton Wilder attended Oberlin and one of his memorable quotes may help these protester got over themselves “My advice to you is not to inquire why or whither, but just enjoy your ice cream while it’s on your plate — that’s my philosophy.”

  • Devils Mouthpiece
    December 20, 2015 at 3:21 pm

    Where’s a steam roller when you need it. The only good part about these stories, when these idiots get out of college and try to start a life, their heads are going to explode.

  • Jafreese
    December 19, 2015 at 10:48 pm

    I would respect these kids more if they simply said they’re paying $50k per year, and for that price, they deserve the right to make special requests. That would actually be somewhat of a valid argument. if you pay that much for anything you should have some requests accommodated.

  • Reddog
    December 19, 2015 at 10:45 pm

    Where do these people come from? Seriously,who teaches them to act this way? And Michelle Derez, who talks like that? I hope she doesn’t reproduce. Maybe she was busy protesting during English class.

  • Carl Carlson
    December 19, 2015 at 9:58 pm

    I suggest the administration of Oberlin let Professor Raney deal with the demands. The good professor’s previous reply of “No” seems quite appropriate for this latest pile of shit.

  • Common sense isn't so common
    December 19, 2015 at 9:52 pm

    Seriously!!!! Holy shit!!

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