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The bobbin for boners Rockland Selectwoman story simply will not go away. And although Deirdre Hall is on leave from the Board of Selectman, the fireworks continued again last night at the BOS meeting. Quick review of where we left off:
- Deirdre Hall is accusing the town administrator, who she got drunk with and provided a blowey to, of sexual misconduct because she got caught cheating on her husband and isn’t woman enough to just say sorry and move on.
- The tape from town hall, where they got their swerve on, shows that she was a willing participant.
- She tried to keep the tapes from being released (which is weird since she was accusing him of wrongdoing) but a judge wouldn’t allow that, so she dropped her lawsuit.
- Out of nowhere Selectmen Chairman Edward Kimball said in his affidavit that a review of town hall surveillance footage at the end of May revealed a minute-long gap in which Hall says on camera that she “needed to go home,” and that Hall also said in her motion that she made “active attempts to leave the premises.”
- Kimball didn’t say how he saw the tapes, and he obviously lied because the cameras had no sound (said she needed to go home).
- Obviously Kimball is covering for her, leading some to believe that he was also smashing the sperm sponge, and was mad at the administrator for taking a slice of his sweet potato pie.
- Rumors have been spreading that Kimball would resign, leading to this insane 13 minute back and forth between him, the town’s lawyer, and another selectman who demands that he resign.
So basically last night it all went to hell because Eddie Porkchops wants to make a motion to get the Rockalnd police to investigate, 1) whether or not a sexual assault took place, and 2) who doctored the tapes.
I shit you not. This is what they do in Rockland. As if the cops wouldn’t investigate a sexual assault without Eddie Porkchops asking them to. As if Rockland matters enough that someone would “doctor” a surveillance tape at town hall. Bro, this ain’t the CIA. It’s Rockland. No on doctors taps in Rockland.
Fun starts at the 3:00 mark and goes to 16:00:
Alright, that mofo right there is hiding something. When the town’s lawyer makes a motion to do something, you should probably listen. Because he’s a lawyer, and if he says your silly motion to get the cops to see who doctored the tapes is out of order, then it probably is. Instead he tells the lawyer to sit down and shut up because he “doesn’t trust him.” It’s OK though because, “I can do what I want,” because my chair goes all the way back.
Things start getting real heavy around 5 minutes in when Eddie Porkchops asks the rest of the board if they have something to hide by not supporting his motion.
“Ya know what we don’t support Ed?”
Boom. Roasted. Didn’t see that one coming.
After a while you can kind of figure out why he’s so mad – the only person on the board who was interviewed by the town’s lawyer was him. Because they either suspect that he was in on the push-push too, or they think his affidavit is bullshit because there’s no way he could hear audio on a tape that has no audio.
Things take a turn for the Turtle around the 7:40 mark:
“We already launched investigation, so don’t start with that shit.”
The second you start using bar talk in a formal environment, you know the gloves are off. From that point on swearing is acceptable, and soon after that “bullshit” became the word of the day.
By far the best part was at 8:30 when they bring up his obvious lie that he saw Bobbin for Boners try to get away from the town administrator on the tape:
“I didn’t make a mistake. I stand by my after David. I STAND BY MY AFTER DAVID!!”
So Rockland it hurts.
Dude had zero fucks left to give. Just pounding Poland Spring like he’s Marco Rubio in yoga class.
Finally it ends when Mr. Hand takes his ball and goes home in protest.
I’m with him. He might be the only guy on the board who we can say with 100% didn’t take a ride on Bobbin for Boners.
The bottom line is, this is embarrassing for the town of Rockland. And it’s all Bobbin for Boner’s fault. If she had just gone pole polishing at a cheap motel like a normal adulterer, instead of playing poke the piccolo at town hall, then none of this would be happening. Her kids would be spared the drama, her husband the humiliation, and Eddie Porkchops wouldn’t be Turtleboy famous. But she just couldn’t resist playing C major on the skin flute on taxpayer property, and here we are.
Nice going skag.