Plymouth Dumpsterslug Facebook Scam Artists Part 2 – They Hired Attorney Dick N. Vulva For Massive Lawsuit Vs. South Shore Turtlegirl

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So if you missed part one of this sleaze-saga you can catch up on it here.

Meanwhile, here at Turtleboy Sports, we are fielding many an Internet lawsuit and are anxiously waiting for our harassment order Kailey Elizabeth Carlson threatened us with, after the first part of this blog went live yesterday, to be dropped off to Turtle HQ. Wait until you see who she tried to retain for legal representation! More on our imaginary legal woes later…. Kailey also issued a memorandum stating that there would be no part two.

Will someone please tell this Chud I’m now swimming in part three?

-waves-

Beer and popcorn ready Turtleriders? Okay, let’s go!

When we last left Kailey and Dylan Carlson they were looking for a big apartment and a car after months of being homeless and publicly begging for everything from cell phones to dogs on Facebook. She said she had money to blow on three months rent ahead of time but were homeless and poor. They were just waiting on a check to clear from the sale of a piece of property that they never actually owned. But that cash supposedly wasn’t coming in until next week. Now, she and her husband Dylan, were out in Arctic temps, panhandling in front of Stop N’ Shop. I’d like to imagine this where Kailey came up with the idea for her next post.


I used to get UTIs too. But that was back when I was like six and hadn’t learned how to wipe my snizz basket and ass correctly. Front to back, girl. Front to back. I know that’s probably hard when you’re shitting behind the dumpster that doubles as your living room, but it’s a lesson you clearly need to learn.

This is what I had been waiting months for. Here she is again, using the kids she doesn’t even have custody of, looking to score gift cards and cash. I have personally never seen a panhandler with bigger balls.

The usual group of charitable lemmings all dove off the cliff to tell her where to get services, tell her to go to a fire station because of how cold it was outside, and one person called and reserved a hotel room for the two of them out of the kindness of her own heart.

It took a while for them to get to the hotel though. She had to finish up her shift begging for money outside of Stop N Shop. People apparently give you more more money when you have snot freezing to your cheeks. She couldn’t let prime time for looking destitute go to waste, with a sign made out of an empty case of beer, so she waited until after the store had closed to stroll over to her free hotel digs.

The only problem with being given a free hotel room was that they were on the “banned List” at the establishment and had to be escorted out of the building just as soon as staffers figured out who they were. But why were they on the banned list? Seems the two of them had spent a night in the past partying there, and when it came time for checkout, were passed out and had to be woken up by hotel employees and told to GTFO.

Sometimes real life beats fiction. Here at Turtleboy, we find that for you.
While the town was on the verge of ripping her to shreds, and putting together everything SS Turtlegirl compiled during part one,  someone who knew her back story, popped on the page and gave her one last chance to remove the post.

That’s right. Kailey thinks it’s illegal for people to try and give her the chance to remove the post before the hammer falls.

Kailey stood tall behind her giant wall of crap.

Since when did survival rests on gift cards and cash.

Then all hell broke loose when a member of her family let her have it. (We blocked out her name because there are kids at stake here.)

-fans self-

Kailey went after her family member, falsely claiming that it was proved that she was lying.

I have dug up every last chunk of Internet track that Kailey had laid down. I have found out that the preschool her children attended called DSS because she would send them to school without winter coats on, I have found that Dylan was arrested for some wild break in in Marshfield when he was most likely trying to score drug money, I found out that Dylan also tried to bite the wedding off her finger so that he could score. I even know that Kailey called her grandmother begging her to order her a pizza on Nana’s card on the same night that Kailey declined food from the good people of Plymouth. What I didn’t find was that confession where your family member said she was lying. You know that just typing it online doesn’t make it true, right? I know the rest of it because we received countless emails from six other family members and former friends who were tired of her scampaign and wanted to clear the air. They, like the people of Plymouth, are tired of being taken advantage of


I wish I could say that this was the end of Kailey and Dylan. That they rode off in to the dirtball sunset never to be heard from again. But you forget that we are dealing with a case of Homeless Human Herpes. She’s always there, waiting to flare up, even if you can’t see her.

The gig is up. Your bullshit is triggering me at this point.

It seems Kailey’s plan all along was to take all of the cash she had been scrounging from panhandling in order to take off to Standing Rock and then on to Tennessee. Without. Her. Kids. Here’s a screenshot confession she sent to a friend.After Kailey deleted the post begging for cash and gift cards she let it settle for the night. The next morning she put the whole town, the same one she had been begging from, on blast for inciting a witch hunt against her.

It went about as well as you would imagine. 

Ten points to Eileen.

That post disappeared soon after too. This girl can not seem to comprehend that no one will ever believe her again. It’s best not to go swimming in the shark tank when you’re bleeding, pal.

The following day Kailey ran in to another issue where she had to ask the town for help, someone had stolen her backpack while she and her husband were scurrying like vermin around town.

The residents tore in to her like a werewolf eating a virgin under a full moon.

She deleted that post too when it didn’t go her way. That’s the thing about a cry for sympathy. Eventually it wears off and people take all that passion they felt for you in the beginning and it turns them in to bloodhounds.

Once our blog hit the Internet stands yesterday most people celebrated. Although, I just got word that Tom Ryan, moderator of All Thing Plymouth, decided to start banning people who post our articles on his page. Tom, you allowed this to continue. For good people to be taken advantage of and yet you delete the TB warnings? Pull your head out of your ass. I’m still on the page under my cloak of anonymity. Let our stories stay up! Message him and tell him you want TURTLEBOY. But when Kailey caught wind that she had become Turtleboy Famous a couple of her winner friends tried to defend her. Like this psycho-eyed all star:

Seems he’s been in trouble with the law too. 
Soon after, the Turtleboy page was carpet bombed with demands from Kailey, saying she was bringing us up on harassment charges and lawsuits.

This blog is highly illegal in her eyes and she says that we are making things up. Sadly, she doesn’t realize that she wrote the blog against herself. As far as those death threats? Our loyal turtle riders begged her to see the screenshots of them but she couldn’t cough them up.

That lawyer she was in contact with? None other than the legal genius of Dick N Vulva!

As I’ve mentioned before, I’m going through the countless emails we’ve received from people who know Kailey and Dylan. Looks like you Turtleriders are getting a part three! Merry Christmas!

 

 

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South Shore Turtlegirl

SouthShoreTurtleGirl@hotmail.com Covering the dirty south shore and coast. Email me with tips or communities you'd like me to watch for stupidity.

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Discussion

  1. Ex


    Keeps getting better and better. One thing though, I was close enough to Dylan to know he did finish the anger management class. But I guess that means nothing compared to everything else

  2. Duke Westwood


    Wow… It’s a stinky dumpster fire… and I can’t look away. Great work SSTG. I’ll be watching for “The Continuing Adventures of Plymouth Dumpsterslug”.

  3. Paul Larson


    I am firmly convinced to-day that, generally speaking, it is in youth that men lay the essential groundwork of their creative thought, wherever that creative thought exists. I make a distinction between the wisdom of age- which can only arise from the greater profundity and foresight that are based on the experiences of a long life- and the creative genius of youth, which blossoms out in thoughts and ideas with inexhaustible fertility, without being able to put these into practice immediately, because of their very superabundance. These furnish the building materials and plans for the future; and it is from them that age takes the stones and builds the edifice, unless the so-called wisdom of the years may have smothered the creative genius of youth.

    Paul Larson

    1. Mayor Joe Petty


      That was beautiful Paul. I didn’t realize you were a philosopher as well as an expert on american slave history. If only you were a Democrat, you would be the perfect mate. I could finally leave that sniveling coward Ed Augustus behind. Speaking of which, I’m ready to escalate my previous job offer of press secretary to City Manager. It’s not like you could do a worse job than Fast Eddie…

      1. Paul Larson


        Please put in a good word for me with the Worcester Public School Committee. I’d like to teach honors high school history. I have a lot of knowledge to impart…

        Instruction in world history in the so-called high schools is even today in a very sorry condition. Few teachers understand that the study of history can never be to learn historical dates and events by heart and recite them by rote; that what matters is not whether the child knows exactly when this battle or that was fought, when a general was born, or even when a monarch (usually a very insignificant one) came into the crown of his forefathers. No, by the living God, this is very unimportant. To ‘learn’ history means to seek and find the forces which are the causes leading to those effects which we subsequently perceive as historical events.

        The state must declare the child to be the most precious treasure of the people. As long as the government is perceived as working for the benefit of the children, the people will happily endure almost any curtailment of liberty and almost any deprivation.

        Paul Larson

        1. Mayor Joe Petty


          Ah, quoting the classics I see! I’ve always loved the musings of Aristotle as well. I’ll put in more than a good word. I’ll draft an executive order abolishing the school committee and place you as the brand new “Worcester Chancellor of Schools!”

          1. Paul Larson


            Ahh… Aristotle, Aristotle was a bugger for the bottle. And Hobbes was fond of his dram. And Rene Descartes was a drunken fart. ‘I drink, therefore I am.’

    2. Jack Handey


      Or, as my friend Stuart Smalley would say, “”It’s easier to put on slippers than to carpet the whole world.”

      -Jack Handey

  4. Mambo


    You really should add a section in the middle to give us a break and reload on popcorn, I ran out.

    1. Kelsey


      Please, do not give him more reasons to add another 684835302 ads in between content!

  5. GraftonHillGirl


    I’ve been engrossed in this. Can’t wait for part three!

  6. Turd Burglestein


    Aww man…it looks like she took her FB down. Hope that doesn’t affect part 3 of this saga.

    1. Turd Burglestein


      It appears her acct is back up, but locked down tighter than a virgin bunghole.

  7. BobnMic


    Issues issues issues. These two have a ton of them. For whatever reason, these two chose to live this lifestyle. Life didn’t kick them in the ass – they kicked themselves in the ass. A collective bag of bad decisions and poor choices will yield you this result. They are human beings however so I will go with it being a sad case just days before Christmas. Several screen shot FB posts said to “grow up.” That to me is sound advice for these two. It also appears that a detox program would not be a bad idea either.

    1. 99% of Turtleboy


      That’s a splendid idea for you bob, detox. Then maybe a 6 month rehab where you have no access to electronic devices. I bet if I started a gofundme to send you to a facility everyone here would donate.

    2. 99% of Turtleboy


      That’s a splendid idea for you bob, detox. Then maybe a 6 month rehab where you have no access to electronic devices. I bet if I started a gofundme to send you to a facility everyone here would donate.

      1. BobnMic


        Hey that was a great idea to repeat your comment as I didn’t get it the first time. Dumbass. So I guess that makes you an asshole pussy X 2 with your ghost screen name. Nice job dickhead and there is only ONE person in here who loves to speak for “everybody” so you are only fooling yourself.

        1. Tarbash The Egyptian Magician


          SHUT DE
          FUCK UP!!!!

  8. ss


    This is one of the meanest things I have ever read. You had better watch out or the judgement will come down on you. Who are you to judge this woman. So what if she has a drug problem or mental problem. Leave her alone. You are not Christan at all. A harsher judgement will befall you if you dont take this junk off, you bully! Shame on all if you who participate. You do not deserve the blessings you were given. You are not humble. You ppl are a disgrace to hurt this poor 24 yr old mother. So what, she needs a friend. So what.

    1. Jules Winnfield


      The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the inequities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men. Blessed is he, who in the name of charity and good will, shepherds the weak through the valley of darkness, for he is truly his brother’s keeper and the finder of lost children. And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who would attempt to poison and destroy my brothers. And you will know my name is the Lord when I lay my vengeance upon thee. — Ezekiel 25:17

      1. South Shore Turtlegirl


        – The big book of sodomy.

        1. Jules Winnfield


          FYI… That is from Pulp Fiction. There is no book of Ezekiel. It was written by Quentin Tarantino and Jule Winnfield is Samuel L Jackson’s character from Pulp Fiction.

          1. PW


            “Jules WInnfield” – There is a book of Ezekiel in the Bible; it’s in the Old Testament.

            25: 17 “And I will execute great vengeance upon them with furious rebukes; and they shall know that I am the LORD, when I shall lay my vengeance upon them.”

    2. South Shore Turtlegirl


      …. I’m an atheist. It stays.

    3. PW


      “You are not Christian at all. A harsher judgement will befall you…”

      Please refer to 2 Thessalonians 3:10 “For even when we were with you, this we commanded you, that if any would not work, neither should he eat.”

      This refers to Christians, but you should get the idea:
      1 Timothy 5:8 “But if any provide not for his own, and specially for those of his own house, he hath denied the faith, and is worse than an infidel.”

      IE: Work to eat, and provide for your family.

    4. Wtf


      If you really want to defend a begger thats fine but please Do Not use the word bully. These should
      All be adults here and opinions are like assholes , everybodies got one.
      Kids get bullied not grown ass adults and not anyone that stays on the internet arguing.

    5. Stephanie


      Entirely. Wish she’d just give her kids to her aunt and kick rocks. She doesn’t give two damns about those babies. She doesn’t need a “friend.” She’s burnt every bridge she has and I promise you, this girl has no conscience. No, I’m afraid Kailey is long past the phase of “needing a friend.” She’s burnt them all and nobody’s taking the chance anymore, nor are we willing to sit around with our thumbs up our butts while she and Professor Dickwad OD on heroin or xanax and leave those kids alone with their corpses for five days until they die of dehydration because THAT is the kid of scum-sucking parasite that need to be locked up and sterilized.

  9. Barf Bag


    What is this the Lifetime movie of the week? Who gives a fuck???

    1. Duke Westwood


      If it were the Lifetime movie of the week, it would have Meredith Baxter Birney in it. This one has Macaulay Culkin in drag.

      1. Fatfingr Lou


        (coughing and spitting lo mein on the screen)

        Well played, Your Grace!

  10. Paul


    I heard ATTY Vulva is a real crack lawyer

    1. JoeMomma


      She should have hired Lionel Hutz. He went to Hollywood upstairs law school

      1. Marge Simpson


        His brief case is full of shredded newspaper

  11. Lucy


    For the person trying to shame everyone for not being “Christian,” have them come live with you. Hopefully Dylan doesn’t spray paint “faggot” on the side of your home as he did at their condo. Also, the realtor to the condo was terrified to go inside the residence. That’s how terrible it was. I went in with her and there were cigarettes put out in the carpet; every door off its hinges; flies everywhere; Cat food all over the floor. Oh, and abandoned framed photos of the children she claims to love so much.

    1. South Shore Turtlegirl


      Woah woah woah. Is this for real?

    2. Fatfingr Lou


      “and there were cigarettes put out in the carpet”
      3 kids and that “styling” kind of imply that condition.

    3. Unknown


      I live in the same condo complex. I don’t know how that realtor stomached walking in that hell hole. It was absolutely disgusting!

      1. Aaron


        I have it on good authority that Dick N. Vulva is a Pitbull in the court-room, Turtleboy has his work cut out for him.

        Seriously though, this is epic. Cant wait for part 3. This woman is a slimeburger.

  12. Lucy


    Yes to both. The “faggot” hate crime, and the frightened realtor. On my life 100% true. Have photo somewhere of the first offense. Dylan had been wandering all around the condo grounds agitated that day. This was unusual as they were usually reclusive or nocturnal. They just had their third child taken away. Neighbors on the first floor had called the cops concerned about excessive crying from the baby. I guess Dylan blamed them for losing custody.

    1. South Shore Turtlegirl


      If you have that picture or anything else you have for the story can you email me? SouthShoreTurtleGirl@hotmail.com

      I would appreciate it.

  13. The Slueth


    Hay TurtleBoy Folks,

    The Sleuth is back. Here’s her Baby registry. It only contains two items. A diaper pail and a link to buy Amazon gift cards in any amount.

    https://www.amazon.com/gp/baby-reg/kailey-carlson-october-2015-plymouth?lid=2A52U2KCE7L5C

    1. South Shore Turtlegirl


      Thanks Sleuth, I actually missed that one!

  14. Give me


    Typical really low-level deadbeat-scammers. With their hands out as usual. Nothing changes, just the situations and circumstances with parasites of society.

  15. The Poop Hole Loop Hole


    Nice job SS Turtlgirl! Can’t wait for Part III

  16. Jenn


    Is there going to be a Where are they now episode?

    1. South Shore Turtlegirl


      They are currently living in a van, without licenses, in a parking lot in Marshfield.

  17. Lucy


    I saw them last week outside Dunkin’ Donuts and stop and shop last week wearing disguises. She now has black hair, and he wraps his whole head up with a winter scarf. Idiots.

  18. Stephanie


    Wait….what? This little sociopath has done nothing but spread poison for years. If her aunt hadn’t stepped up, all those kids would be in foster care. They’re both sick, diabolical, predatory animals who should be sterilized before they reproduce again. This useless wad of DNA doesn’t do anything but lay down hate and let’s not even talk about Hubby. That weirdo plays with poop……what else needs to be said?

    God save these babies if they’re given back to this slutbucket and her husband, who’s about as twisted as a French braid. There’s no fixing these ass-hats. At least keep the kids away from them and hopefully, they’ll end up only killing each other and nobody else.

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