Nudniks

Racist Woonsocket Crotch Rocket And His Mattress Actress Wife Are Opening Up A Restaurant With Her As Cook, But Stole All Food From Google Images And Forgot To Shut Down All Their Porn Accounts

Follow @TurtleboyNews on Twitter by clicking here

2019 Ratchet Madness T-Shirts now on sale in the Turtleboy Store

Follow Turtleboy on Instagram by clicking here

Follow and like Turtleboy Sports Returns and Clarence Woods Emerson to keep up with the hilarious turtle rider commentary.

Want to advertise with Turtleboy? Email us at [email protected] for more information.

If you like free speech and want to support what we’re doing, feel free to donate to the Turtle fund:

 




 

 

 

 

 

 

Hey fam – if you’d like to support Turtleboy and what we do here, feel free to hit the donate button at the top. We basically have to run this site like a Bernie Sanders campaign now since we’ve been blacklisted by Google and Facebook, due to the fact that rabid SJWs keep reporting our posts. Getting blacklisted by Google is a death sentence for most websites, since it’s much harder to monetize. And we all know the damage Facebook has done. We’re never going to stop fighting for free speech, but in the meantime the best way for turtle riders to fight back is to donate to the cause. Without you people none of this is possible. We love you all. 

 

Last year we blogged about this Woonsocket crotch rocket who decided to shame a couple people going out to breakfast in their jammies, while assuming they’re on food stamps:

We’re not the type to toss out the racism card, but…..yea, that’s a little bit racist. Just sayin.

Mike Lanoue is a real winner.

Who then threatened to call the cops about imaginary death threats his kids were getting about that post:

Then it was revealed that he also owned a local business, which apparently just tells people they’re #1 in everything:

And finally shit hit the fan when him and his wife Eva’s Pornhub account was discovered, which showed him doing some browneye hide and go seek while his was wife was tag-teamed by the UN Security Council.

Oops!!

Well, he’s back, and this time him and his wife Eva are opening up a restaurant in town….

A new restaurant is coming to Main Street in Woonsocket, and visitors can expect some old-fashioned French-Canadian cooking with a touch of southern twang.

Eva Lanoue, owner of the Red Brick Grill at 83 Main St., is a native of Narragansett who moved to Woonsocket after marrying city native Michael Lanoue. Lanoue said she first learned to cook by watching her Italian stepmother and, later, her husband’s French-Canadian grandmother whip up the comfort specialties both cultures are known for.

“If I was at her house, we were cooking. It didn’t matter what I went there for,” she said of her husband’s grandmother.

A former Kirby Vacuum saleswoman who’s worked in and around restaurants since she was 13, but never as a chef, Lanoue said it has always been her dream to open her own place. The opportunity came earlier this year when her husband, who also works for Kirby, visited the former Vino’s space to look into potentially renting it out for an office. It was during a visit to the storefront the couple realized the space would be perfect to host a restaurant once again.

The Red Brick Grill, scheduled to open within the next few weeks, will serve homemade comfort food in a family atmosphere. The space, which includes a bar and front windows that open to the street, needed a good deal of work when Lanoue moved in, with she and Michael doing most of it themselves, but they maintained the building’s historic moulded ceiling.

“It’s just a small little restaurant where you can come in and you just feel like family,” she said.

The food will include local classics such as fish and chips, a cold cut grinder and mother-in-law approved French meat pie but also draw on Southern cooking Lanoue picked up during a stint living in Louisiana with menu items such as firecracker chicken meatballs and smothered pork chops. And, like any good Woonsocket restaurant, the Red Brick Grill will serve dynamites. Lanoue said her a party of two should be able to eat for $25 with drinks, with takeout available and discounts for members of the military.

The Red Brick Grill enters the food fray with several other well-established competitors – among them River Falls Restaurant, Main Street Cafe and Ocean Cafe Restaurant – and those are just the ones within walking distance. But Lanoue is undaunted by the competition. She thinks The Red Brick Grill will be filling a niche in the restaurant scene that has been overlooked by others.

“This is something different,” she says. “There’s not too much of what I’m doing in the city.”

Wait….what’s different about this restaurant? The fish and chips or the cold cut grinder recipe from Grandma?

Here’s the thing though – check out some of Eva’s original dishes on the Red Brick Grill’s Facebook page:

French meat pie, smothered pork chops, chicken croquettes. Man, that looks really good!! Eva sure can cook!!

Except….

Yea, she stole those images from the Google machine. In many cases she just took the first dish that came up.

Plus, I’m not so sure I’d wanna eat anything by Eva, AKA Ava Bailey, AKA Shelby Ann. Because speaking of Google images, let’s see what we find when we Google “Ava Bailey porn.” Don’t click on it!!!

You did it, didn’t you? Yea, it’s the chick from the newspaper who’s opening up the new restaurant in Woonsocket and selling a bunch of Google images to customers.

Yea, if you’re gonna be the cook at a local restaurant, you should probably make sure you scrub the Internet of all the banana fruit salad home made videos you’ve got out there. Including your Shelby Ann account, your HClips account, your new Pornhub account, and your Bangbros profile

Ya know, because you’re the cook. And quite frankly I don’t know what kind of grundle juices you’ve got left on your hands from the latest clunge plunge you jumped into. While you’re at it, maybe your husband Mike should close his Plenty of Fish Account, or at least tell him to stop exclusively following porn accounts on Twitter.

Look, I got nothing against porn, or adults making their own life choices. But if you’re husband’s a professional douchebag whose antics already led him to Turtleboy fame, it might be time to shut down your bootleg porn career. Especially if you’re getting mainstream media press for your new restaurant filled with images of food you found on Pinterest. Just sayin.

38 Comment(s)
  • Scam Artists
    July 3, 2018 at 8:06 pm

    The grand irony of all this! Scumbag who shamed a woman for wearing pajamas in front of a restaurant now wants to open his own in the same neighborhood. The same scumbag is now threatening to go to superior court on his Facebook because he is being bullied? How mysterious that he so abruptly decided to enter the restaurant business after have such success selling vaccums, equally mysterious a fire overtook his Kirby Office in Warwick due to “faulty wiring” in the building. How convenient that this fire occurred weeks after his wife was terminated by Kirby for having one of their vaccums visible in one of her home movies. I wonder how long until their restaurant catches on fire? Breaker Box? Broken Oven?

  • Garcia Vega Tubes
    July 3, 2018 at 7:56 pm

    If Sloth from the Goonies and Shrek had a retarded love child it would Mike Lanoue. By the way, I know a great dentist if you need one.

  • Nastyslut
    July 3, 2018 at 7:39 am

    Eva is going to be whipping up some nice sauces in the back as cockold getting rammed in the ass in the bathroom . They should make a killing but they don’t get paid for there porn lol They love to get as many cocks as they can . It’s a turn on for cockold to watch his wife get slammed by everyone . If they were getting paid for there shitshow videos that would be one thing . But god dam to have all that dick and not get paid that’s called a fckn dirty slut . Department of health should make sure she’s not putting in a special kind of juices in any of there food .

  • Scam Artist
    July 3, 2018 at 7:22 am

    Eva has a child with someone else not cockold. She doesn’t see her child . Shrek doesn’t have his child either . They are pathetic. They both run scams all the time . Hop to different states after they get caught . Let’s be real now . Soon it should be great how everyone is going to know how actress mattress wife set there Kirby office on fire in Warwick because she got terminated as a distributor for Making a video with a Kirby logo in the background and cockold couldn’t have the office in his name because of his felonies . Eva nice job with the toilet paper in the breaker box . So about this restaurant Another class A fraud scam just how again look up there names . Woonsocket scumbags . #turtleboy amazing article , here’s so more facts about these scumbags .

    • Degenerate Couple
      July 3, 2018 at 4:36 pm

      I like you attitude. Agreed they are scum! But her tits are innocent… doh.. lol 😉

  • Had No Idea
    July 3, 2018 at 6:14 am

    I never knew! Always thought these types of porn movies were C list performers trying to get into the industry on a low budget set, which is kind of true. Never suspected it was a real husband wife cuckold situation.

    Watched a couple of their movies (White Wife Cuckolds and Humiliates Little Dick Husband With BBC) turns out that is exactly what is going on, not an exaggeration at all. For having 2 children the wife looks good nice bum and breasts as somebody else pointed out. If she dropped the tummy rolls she could be certified hot. Husband looks like Shrek, buck toothed ugly dude.

    It would be interesting to see the real identities of people making these online pornos to see what their real lives are like by comparison and if any of them were local. So long as they are outed it would be best to capitalize on that and make more movies and skip the restaurant for now. If they run from their truth of what they do, it can destroy them, if they embrace the fact that they are swingers making amateur porn and he is bisexual they could make some cash and save themselves much stress.

    • Gross
      July 3, 2018 at 4:41 pm

      Shrek is like 90% Gay as Fuck and 10% Heterosexual. Bisexual doesn’t begin to explain why a married father is getting anal gang banged. Obviously his blonde wife with big tits is nothing more than bait to get cock for his own filthy ass.

  • Daddy
    July 2, 2018 at 7:43 pm

    The worst thing in the world a man can be is a cuckold. Second worst is pretending to be straight when u get railroaded in the ass. He’s a poor excuse for a man but the wife is girl next door cute with nice big titties and a smooth bald cunt. I’d keep her around

  • Masturbation Enthusiast
    July 2, 2018 at 3:33 pm

    Thank you very much for the new source material.

  • July 2, 2018 at 2:11 pm

    Bro dude, fix yo teeffss son. They only real crime I see is, his teeth & the fact they didn’t tuck their fumpas in for that picture. Also, cant really call him a racist when he’s holding a monkey and getting butt fucked by one!

  • Barack
    July 2, 2018 at 12:01 pm

    Porn actress opens restaurant in Woonsocket and uses fake photos of the menu items. The only true negative in the above statement is “Woonsocket”.

  • WeAreFucked
    July 2, 2018 at 9:18 am

    I could care less if they do porn. I hope their children don’t see this. My parents never had sex, especially my mom. I’m positive she’s never given head or taken a black dick while dad watched. I want to keep my thoughts that way.
    The payback for the robe incident was completed with the last blog.
    The pictures of food? I don’t see where he/she stated those were there photos. I’m smarter than most people, so I’d assume those were indeed “stock photography” shots. Especially seeing how different each picture was. Backgrounds, tables, silverware, plates, etc.
    Like others have said, it appears as if they’re a hard working family. I wish them luck.

    Can I eat there wearing nothing but my bathrobe?

    • WeAreFucked
      July 2, 2018 at 9:20 am

      I’m a stupid ass. “Their”

  • Sloth loves chunk
    July 2, 2018 at 8:57 am

    Who wants to watch sloth from the goonies smashing a whore? I wouldn’t take a pic if I looked as deformed as this dude does. Instead of getting a restaurant maybe a dentist appt. and fixing that grill would have been a better idea..

  • joel
    July 2, 2018 at 8:16 am

    you should do a series about how the food featured on the menus of fast food restaurants never looks like that in real life. hard hitting stuff

  • Homo Body Builders
    July 2, 2018 at 5:55 am

    I’d fuck her in the ass, he can watch from behind 3 locked doors from another state, fucking fag. I’d like the chicken parm with a side of hepC and anal warts.

    Tribal shoulder chest tattoo white body-builder getting gang sodomized by black dick is anyone surprised?

    As fucked up as this couple is, in bringing this on themselves, I feel bad for their teen kids they will need the witness protection program to get through this. Safe to say racism isn’t the issue here.

  • The Professor
    July 2, 2018 at 5:38 am

    Lifting the food pictures is a misdemeanor at best and probably done by a lot of places before they open.

    The original premise of this series is flawed. Mr. Lanoue’s food stamp post may have been in poor taste but it is right in the middle of the curve for Turtleboy’s own posts. The flimsy racism charge is something I’d expect from a SWJ, not Turtleboy.

    These two did porn. So what? You think everyone in the restaurant industry is some sort of Puritan saint? You don’t think chefs, servers, bussers , etc. have had sex? Never mind the customers. Jeez even that Jaba The Hut Gregg Bates has done it (yuck).

    How many Turtle Riders are in direct sales? As stated in other comments, these people have jobs. That puts them in the socioeconomic top tier of people featured on this site.

    This one is funny enough but ultimately it just doesn’t work.

  • The Vorlon
    July 1, 2018 at 10:53 pm

    The results from the hep screening should be interesting…

    The Board of Health is gonna be working overtime on this one!

    • Will Crusher
      July 2, 2018 at 2:36 pm

      I read this in Ambassador Kosh’s voice, thanks for the laughs.

  • robbie watson
    July 1, 2018 at 10:38 pm

    racism, um ok Shaun King. but unless this dude is out selling dope, mugging grandma’s or robbing people because of “the sickness” who really cares? live and let live, hes just a dude with a weird kink, must be a slow news day.

  • Some guy
    July 1, 2018 at 9:24 pm

    Using photos from google lmao. Good luck. I just left a place that used photos from Google and the customers always commented on how the online photos were completely different(plates, bowls, flatware dead give away). Well I looked up the images and damn the owners kid also couldn’t go a few pages in .

  • Vicxh
    July 1, 2018 at 9:18 pm

    That’s the kind of gem I come to turtleboy for. I am totally going to visit EVA. If she can take a bbc on camera, I am sure she will go all out in the kitchen too. I got to give her props. She didn’t go on welfare or just become a homeless slugtrail in Worcester. I for one wish Eva and her hubby all the best. And, asking for a friend, are they looking for Volunteers for their next pornhub gangbang?

  • Yousuck.
    July 1, 2018 at 8:54 pm

    Oh boy his wife did porn LMFAO cause the whole world doesn’t fucking have sex. She just broadcasted her business and people just happen to know her, who cares. Yeah you people got your “facts” but your proving what? Cause they are opening a local business at least they are doing something not writing stupid bullshit on the internet so people can judge them . Not impressed find a new hobby or a new job.

    • You suck too
      July 1, 2018 at 10:51 pm

      Did you even read the article? The only thing I saw them doing was stealing pictures of food off Google and pretend that they made them themselves.

      • Rick Salamander
        July 2, 2018 at 2:10 am

        Thanks Mike and Eva for your input. I must say though, are you sure you want to leave the porn industry at this time? Word has it, Mandingo is coming back from retirement and Jimmy Dean is turning his woman beating into a new schtick. There’s ample Benjamins to be made if you can stick it out and take on these two legends. Mike, I am not sure if they will appease your ass magic fetish you seem to got going on, but alas, you can always try. Trying is still noble even if one doesn’t succeed. I have to be honest though honey, just don’t think I could eat at your restaurant. All I will see is those Staypuff spunk wads all over your belly and face, it would make for hard chewing and flavor savoring, what I have no doubt, would be some fine arse food. I would hope you would understand. You stay frisky, real, and 100 though you two crazy kids!

      • Lilly
        July 2, 2018 at 8:54 am

        This is blog #2. Read the first one.

    • CDC
      July 2, 2018 at 8:59 am

      They are doing something alright, spreading hpv and hep C, lmfao!

  • MYOFB
    July 1, 2018 at 8:23 pm

    What was racist about his original comment? They are walking around city in their pajamas; id assume they were on food stamps too.

    Anyways; what business of it is ours how they lead their sex lives?

    God have you ever worked in a restaurant; grundle juices are the least of your worries as to what is in your food

    • Finn
      July 2, 2018 at 9:10 am

      MYOFB, (aka Dan)

      “They are walking around city in their pajamas; id assume they were on food stamps too.”

      Since when is wearing pajamas in public is an indication of your economic status? You’ve obviously have never run into eccentric “wealthy” people. Wearing pjs in public is an [odd] practice held by many regardless of their income.

      “Anyways; what business of it is ours how they lead their sex lives?”

      Great question. What business is it of theirs regarding what others wear in public?

      “God have you ever worked in a restaurant; grundle juices are the least of your worries as to what is in your food”

      Thanks Dan! Now I *know* to steer clear of your restaurant. Great standards.

      Also someone should take *still* you bra shopping. #moobs

      Get Fucked,
      Finn

      • Della
        July 2, 2018 at 9:21 am

        He needs to work on that Fupa too! Just look at the way it hangs, I’m sure when he is screwing you can hear that smacking against her ass

        • Finn
          July 2, 2018 at 9:35 am

          “I’m sure when he is screwing you can hear that smacking against her ass”

          I’m guessing you haven’t seen the videos. He’s, uh, the receiver.

          #danlovespeg

          Fondly,
          Finn

  • Karma
    July 1, 2018 at 7:02 pm

    FYI Kirby vacuums is a world wide company making alot of money & like most companies that want succeed they hold up #1 as a metifore, make fun of him all you want but their are other people in the photos who are trying to make a living doing something they enjoy doing, just because the company saying is “working hard to make Kirby vacuums #1 in the business” doesn’t mean were all self righteous douche bags, just because he was or is our boss.

    The rest I have nothing to say about, I just don’t think you should talk shit about something you don’t know all the facts about.

    • Kirby McKirb
      July 1, 2018 at 7:48 pm

      So your saying those people like responding to an add for a carpet cleaners, only to find out the job is really a sales position are having fun? I’m sure they love being they love being required to do “practice runs” on friends and family. It’s so much fun to try and convince family members to buy an $1800 vacuum. It also must be fun to have 95% of your coworkers turnover ever few weeks. You’re right, it’s a good and noble career.

    • Itsjustme
      July 1, 2018 at 8:00 pm

      Kirby vacuums suck. I have one that I spent way too much on. It’s heavy, you have to take the whole thing practically apart to do anything else even to connect a hose, the belts brake constantly, you can’t buy the bags in the store. Because they cant stay in business every time I need bags or belts I have to find a new place to buy them. They call me all the time wanting me to trade mine in and upgrade to a newer model for $2200 plus my old vacuum, and even after I tell them how much I hate mine they still ask me for names and numbers of friends and family they can call and harass into buying one. I would never purchase one ever again.

      • I agree
        July 1, 2018 at 10:56 pm

        It’s not just you. They do suck. My mom had one for years and then got ME one without asking. Ugh. Sorta felt obligated to keep it. It’s so heavy, a have all the attachments but dont use them because its ridiculous like you said to pull it apart. Forget about trying to vaccume the stairs.
        I’ve since gotten rid of it since she moved across the country and bought an 8lb shark vaccum

  • phong
    July 1, 2018 at 6:50 pm

    Don’t ever order the sloppy joes. Just sayin’

  • O. M. G
    July 1, 2018 at 6:42 pm

    Bahahahaha her husband is only 5’1, no wonder he is such a douche.
    If you’re going to steal pictures from Google you need to at least go a few pages in. What are they going to do if an actual customer comes in and expects a Google perfect meat pie and what they get looks like the ‘stop using probiatics’ ad you have on your page?

    They might get a good review from North Shore Eats but I think master Bates is going to need a different kind of payment other than gift cards this time.

  • just passing thru
    July 1, 2018 at 6:14 pm

    Kirby salespeople?
    Can you go much lower?

    That qualifies them to run a restaurant, especially one with a liquor license.

    They will not make it to Christmas, mark my words

Comment on this Post

*

RELATED POSTS
Nostalgic Facebook Commentators Are Really Pissed Off About Snow Days For Kids
Guy Who Tried Hiding In Tree To Flee Cops on I-290 Earns Moron of the Week Award
Auburn Fan Who Refused To Bet On Florida State Loses Chance To Win Free $25,000 Is Giant Moron