As you know Turtleboy Sports is a pro-weed blog. And in November Question 4 on the Massachusetts ballot gives voters the opportunity to fully legalize marijuana in the state by voting “Yes.” You would think that this is something we endorse. But after a long soul-searching episode, which featured a quiet walk around Elm Park while listening to Bryan Adams greatest hits, we have decided to endorse “No” on Question 4. And this commercial is why:
Whenever I see people say that we should have legalized marijuana the most common argument is that we should “tax and regulate” it. Newsflash – “tax” and “regulate” are two of the worst words in the English language. Nothing good comes out of either one of those.
Look, we got a pretty good deal in Massachusetts as it is right now with weed. Anyone can go to their doctor and get a medical marijuana card. Takes two seconds and no one gets denied. Plus, the powers that be stopped considering marijuana a drug a long time ago.
But if that’s too much work for you we also decriminalized marijuana years ago. As a result you cannot get arrested if they catch you with weed on you. The WORST they can do is ticket you. But as local police chiefs have pointed out, these tickets are meaningless and unenforceable since you don’t even have to give your real name and there is no penalty for not paying the tickets. So basically the cops have stopped wasting their time.
To me this is problem solved. What else do potheads want? Because if you like your weed now, you’re not gonna like it as nearly as much when it’s fully legalized. Do you realize what tax and regulate means? Tax means the price of a dime bag is about to double because right now the weed you’re buying from the drummer in the band that plays at Beatniks on the weekend is tax free. Get used to it because whenever the Statehouse needs to raise more revenue the first thing they’re going to do is increase taxes on marijuana. Because no one feels bad about taxing potheads.
Meanwhile, “regulate” means the government is going to decide exactly how much THC can be in marijuana in order for customers to buy it. It’s gonna take some of you people five blunts to the dome before you get the munchies. You’re probably gonna have to give your ID to the store so they can record it and the government can keep track of how much pot you smoke. Meanwhile your poor weed dealer is gonna have to start selling coke. And with all this regulation the costs are going to increase for growers, and they’re gonna pass that tab onto the consumer. This is what “regulate” means. They’re going to ruin weed and make it more expensive.
Anyway, there’s something nostaglic about buying your weed off of a shady weed dealer. Everything on the black market is better. That’s just a scientific fact. Most importantly, no one cares about weed, so it might as well be legal. So we highly suggest all you potheads out there stop ruining a good thing for everyone and enjoy the perfect balance we have right now in Massachusetts. Join Turtleboy in our Potheads For No On Question 4 campaign.
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