Springfield Chudstuffer Who Brags About Selling Drugs On Facebook Arrested For B&E After Leaving Footprint Trail In Snow, Ghettofab Free My Boi Commentary Follows On SPD Facebook Page
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What would you expect to find on the Facebook page of a kid that creeps around the neighborhood late at night, steals a motion sensor light from someone’s house and then runs away leaving footprints in the snow leading the police directly to him? A Facebook page full of big naked booties, guns, rolled up blunts and “free my boy (insert ghetto name here) deadass 100”, of course. Meet Bobby Guzman.
Cute… if you’re into the Neanderthals from the Geico commercials.
It’s one of those Facebook pages you are afraid to peep at work – just tons of degenerate gobbledygook that screams, “I will never get a real job.” I encourage you to take a look. Not that he really needs a job, since he’s busy living off the government and earning a tax-free paycheck as a local drug dealer.
But, anywho. I usually wouldn’t bother with a story on a stupid teenager who tries and fails at an attempted break-in, but the Springfield PD Facebook page just would not let me off the hook. What I found there was nothing short of discovering the golden ticket for Willy Wonka’s Chocolate factory. It led to so many open doors and steered me directly into the Golden Gates of Ratchetville – and Mya Guzman is the Mayor.
Bobby’s sister, Mya, claims that he was “set up” by his “baby moms.” Naturally, I went on a hunt for the dumpsterslug that was impregnated by this dipshit. Enter Zhamira Hernandez. Nothing too interesting here, and no “Free My Boi Bobby” coming from her. She was simply showing up to the party to make it known that she had nothing to do with this supposed set up.
But while I was creeping on her page, I couldn’t help but notice this:
Doesn’t look like much until you start doing some basic math. According to her DOB, she’s 29 years old. Baby boy Bobby is a fresh 18. If they have a baby together, it’s safe to assume he was under the age of 18 when he first knocked her up. Looks a little rapey if you ask me. Just sayin.
With his sister as the Mayor, plenty of other Ratchetvillians got Bobby’s back. Just take a look at the comments section. I swear, every ghettomuppet has the same vocab, the same fucktarded spelling skills and the same box of rocks fuckery of logic and intellect. Here’s a little taste of what you will find in the comments section of the SPD page:
Ms. Kassandra Rosario, Big Bob’s cousin, is a special one. She commented on every single thread because she don’t care if he broke the law, that’s her cuz, yo! And no cuz of hers should be locked up under any circumstance.
Oh good, she’s a home health aide. Would you want this skagbag taking care of your frail, aging grandparents? Me neither. I could stop here, because you won’t find anything out of the typical “You don’t know the story, stfu” nonsense, but I just can’t. She’s one of those people that seriously needs to be put back into her place, which I presume is a gutter somewhere in Springfield’s Atwater Park section. You know when people say things like “that’s a face only a mother could love”? I’m pretty sure they are talking about this picture:
With a face like a workman’s bench and the personality of a short bus passenger, who wouldn’t want to hire her as their Home Healthcare Provider?
But anyways, there must be a shortage of bail money in the Guzman fam because Bobby’s still in the slammer. And apparently he’s in good company:
Now you’ll have plenty of time with your boys… in lockup. Congratulations, Bobby!
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