Hoodrat Heroes

Stripper Supporters Start $500K GoFundMe For Unemployed Spunk Guzzlers After Foxy Lady Gets Shut Down By City Of Providence For $300 Blowies Offered To Undercover Police

Follow and Subscribe to Turtleboy podcasts on SoundCloud or iTunes by clicking here

Follow and like the Turtleboy Sports Returns, and Clarence Woods Emerson to keep up with the hilarious turtle rider commentary.

Want to advertise with Turtleboy? Email us at [email protected] for more information.

If you like free speech and want to support what we’re doing, feel free to donate to the Turtle fund:




 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Hello Turtle Riders. As you know if you follow Turtleboy we are constantly getting censored and banned by Facebook for what are clearly not violations of their terms of service. Twitter has done the same, and trolls mass reported our blog to Google AdSense thousands of times, leading to demonitization. We can get by and survive, but we could really use your help. Please consider donating by hitting the PayPal button above if you’d like support free speech and what we do in the face of Silicon Valley censorship. Or just buy our award winning book about the dangers of censorship and rise of Turtleboy: 

 

Last week my girl North Shore Turtlebabe published this blog about the three Hep-C hyenas who got busted offering undercover Providence cops blowies for $300 a pop.

Since then the City voted to permanently shut them down since they’re basically an underground brothel, leaving a bunch of strippers with no money to pay for their kid’s presents. Luckily the children’s fathers will take care of that for them.

LOL.

Anyway, the eggs and legs workers of America must’ve been inspired by all these nobs giving money to the build the wall GoFundMe, because they started a GFM of their own. For half a million dollars!!

So let me get this straight. These women get paid to take their clothes off for men, and get treated like sexual objects, but the city is the sexist one? OK then.

I dunno, seems like kind of a waste of money. Aren’t most of these spunk guzzlers just dancing to pay for medical school anyway? You’re telling me this chick can’t get a job launching rocket ships to Jupiter?

I don’t know what high school she dropped out of, but that GED’s gotta be good for something besides stripping.

I remember back in the day when strippers were hot. And by hot I mean big funbags. Perhaps instead of paying for Christmas presents the GFM can get Jade here a couple of silicon gerber servers instead.

Invest in a pair of those and you’ll have a long career of amateur porn in front of you. One door closes, another door opens in more ways than one.

I know one person who won’t be upset that they’re closing down.

Oh for fuck’s sake. You’re a cop and you’re whining about getting kicked out of a tittie bar? Awesome look for the department brosheim. And please, use your veteran status a little more to excuse shitty, drunken behavior at strip clubs. That’s why you enlisted isn’t it? Although he’s far from the only person to to let the world know that they’re a veteran and thus deserve better service from itty bitty titty committee.

Donald Trump caused quite the controversy when he banned transgenders from joining the army. I have a new rule he can institute – no more duckfacers allowed in the army.

This is why they hate us.

My favorite review came from Beverly.

Bitch, da fuq you doin at the strip club?

Shouldn’t you be a knitting club or a bridge game? Of course you didn’t see anything happen when you were there. You don’t have a spam javelin for Jade to choke the baby batter out of.

Here’s my prediction – no matter how much money is raised from this GFM, the only person who sees a dime of it is the brilliant scam artist who created it. Hope you girls haven’t been reporting your tips to Uncle Sam, because it’s time to start selling those food stamps for tattoo money.

26 Comment(s)
  • American Girl
    December 24, 2018 at 5:15 pm

    Oh what an open-minded, hip Nana Bev is (rolling my eyes).
    Actually, she’s just a creepy old lady. Since when do old ladies go watch girls that could be their granddaughter strip? SICK.

  • Sam, from Sam the Sham and the Pharaohs
    December 24, 2018 at 11:56 am

    Smaller yabos are perfectly fine.

    What has to go are those horrendous tats. Looks like she sat butt-assed naked in a can of psychedelic paint.

  • E D B D TIT E
    December 23, 2018 at 3:44 pm

    Nope I disagree, the brunette with the small tits   I love her

    • MrSmiley
      December 23, 2018 at 5:00 pm

      +1. God gives out a nice ass. Titties you can buy.

  • White Lives Matter
    December 23, 2018 at 1:20 am

    DUMPSTERSLUTS!!!! Slut rape!!!!!

  • MrSmiley
    December 22, 2018 at 2:10 pm

    Because there are nooo strip clubs hiring in RI right now? Good ol cadillac lounge is still kicking!

  • Blaaaah
    December 22, 2018 at 2:05 pm

    Hey Turtle bae, generally a title gives a clue about the topic of the article. Why tf are you bashing on reviewers when you set out to cover the gofundme? Not your best.

  • Scott
    December 22, 2018 at 2:03 pm

    Beverly the box wine aunt who advertises her drinking problem on her shirt. Good look!

  • Mo Vaughn
    December 22, 2018 at 10:53 am

    This news brought a tear to my eye

  • bigdaddy
    December 22, 2018 at 10:50 am

    $300 for a BJ I assume that includes the penicillin

    • Bruce Shoebottom
      December 22, 2018 at 12:48 pm

      That’s gotta be the starting point of the negotiations, right? Who in their right mind would pay $300 for anything from those goblins? Wtf. Never paid so dunno if that’s the going rate but yuck, no thanks.

      • Dave Schultz
        December 22, 2018 at 3:46 pm

        Shoe – you didn’t play long enough to meet the professional hockey “pucks” and other rink rat riders. $300 was getting it cheap back in my day – but then again I wasn’t called “The Hammer” for nothing, and the girls wanted combat duty pay to come up to my room.

        • Dwayne Glasscock II
          December 22, 2018 at 4:00 pm

          Is this LB from AAF? Kid…. Stick with the Charles River Motel and fleshlight.

  • Kim Un Jong
    December 22, 2018 at 10:41 am

    Drunk cops, lesbo soldiers and grannies, interesting place.

  • Down with implants, up with boners
    December 22, 2018 at 9:20 am

    Real is always better than fake. As soon as I see scar tissue or make out the shape of the implant she’s basically a fuck doll and you can buy those things in any configuration you want. 

  • Independent Thinker
    December 22, 2018 at 8:42 am

    Not very attractive.

  • Alexandria Occasionally-Conscious
    December 22, 2018 at 8:10 am

    I say close the place down,. They wouldn’t let me work there because my teeth scared management.

    • Beto O'Rourke
      December 23, 2018 at 9:04 am

      Honey, I aint looking at your teeth, I’m looking at those big fucking titties you purposely try to hide now.

  • Pervy Wanker
    December 22, 2018 at 6:56 am

    Interesting angle on prostitution. Can you imagine getting a Phd in studying sex, prostitution and porn? Study motivation no problem.

  • Legalize Prostitution
    December 22, 2018 at 6:27 am

    If you have seen the lines at the Marijuana Dispensary in Leicester you realize how many people are regular marijuana users it’s looks like a lot of normal people. This doesn’t include all the people buying marijuana the old fashioned way on the street half priced without the Mass pot tax.

    If you legalize prostitution the same thing will happen. Why can’t a horny guy pay a women for sex, 2 consenting adults. Government out our bedroom and all the slogans the Homosexuals use.

    Legalize prostitution, make honest women out of half of Fall River and all of Rhode Island. Women who can’t normally make more than minimum wage will be clearing a $100k/year. Pay equality and all that. Single moms going from the bus-stop to a Mercedes.

  • EmfnT
    December 22, 2018 at 1:34 am

    I don’t believe for a minute that the Foxy Lady will stay shut down. This is a knee jerk reaction by the city council that will be overturned in court. This is probably the one time in a hundred that I side with the ACLU. I mean, for chrissake, prostitution was actually legal in Providence until only a few years ago. My money says the Foxy will be open and spreading holiday cheer (and legs) by Christmas.

  • Wwy
    December 22, 2018 at 1:22 am

    Yea yea jewmerica we know. God bless Russia,Syria,and Iran for kicking the shit out of isis Israel,Saudi Arabia and the U.S. They’re leader McCain is gone and bush too thx for a great Hanukkah.

    • Don't Do Drugs
      December 22, 2018 at 6:48 am

      Huhhh… Your point is so garbled can’t figure it out. Don’t care if your anti American or Anti Jew or Anti White or AntiTrump or whatever, I don’t get offended. It would be nice if your point made sense, I come here to read the crazy shit but your post is pure K2-Ambien scissor.

      • z
        December 22, 2018 at 9:05 am

        The hell with garbled. I’m hoping for it to be even remotely on point.

        Maybe the veterans and Veterans Day is the point and then it’s off to the races.

      • Aldo
        December 22, 2018 at 1:16 pm

        S/he IS a Jew. The whole thing is a straw persona to make ignorant people, well, look ignorant and to make it look like turtleboy has a racist following. Keep following the blog and you’ll start to see a pattern form around what this person never comments on.

        • Vanilla Spice Latte
          December 23, 2018 at 3:35 pm

          Spot on. There’s a few looking to make this a racist blog. Liberals lap that up like kittens

Comment on this Post

*

RELATED POSTS
All-Star Worcester Parents Lay Siege To School Bus, Beat Up Bus Driver, Then Write Magnificent Things On Facebook
Comments From The Worcester Parent Bus Riot Blog Were Borderline Orgasmic
Hot Girl Threatening To Sue Turtleboy Sports Over Busgate, City Council Still Hasn’t Even Mentioned It