• The Celtics Made This Sad Boy Cry By Murdering The Warriors Last Night, And It Was Awesome



    The Celtics Made This Sad Boy Cry By Murdering The Warriors Last Night, And It Was Awesome

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    In case you missed it last night the Celtics went into Golden State last night to play the best team in the NBA, (99-86) and they not only beat them on their own floor for the second year in a row – they mercied them with a 15-0 run in the 4th quarter.

    Best part of the game was the final minute when you saw this poor little kid being consoled by his father because the Celtics were so vicious and cruel to his flashy, high powered dream team:

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    It’s OK kid. You could’ve been born in Buffalo.

    Do I feel bad for this kid? Nope. First of all, he’s a kid sitting in the front row behind the Warriors bench. I’ll never feel bad for a child who gets better tickets than I can get. Secondly, he needed to see this. He’s been growing up thinking that the Golden State Warriors are the pinnacle franchise in the NBA. They’re not. No one cared about the Warriors until three years ago.

    Meanwhile, he probably thinks the Celtics are just another team that comes into Oracle Arena and gets pushed around by a team that blew a 3-1 lead in the NBA Finals. If it’s not the Spurs or Cavs, it might as well be the Washington Generals to him. He’s probably never heard of Larry Bird or Paul Pierce or Bill Russell, and simply did not see this one coming.

    Now he knows. And he’s a better person for it.

    I know people doubt this team because they’ve struggled a little lately and they’ve never won a playoff series with this group of players, and they beat this team on the road last year and it didn’t end up mattering. But this year is different. We’re going to the NBA Finals. I have no idea why. I just know it’s gonna happen. Not sure if we’re gonna win the whole thing yet. Haven’t made up my mind. But Isaiah Thomas is a bad, bad man, who is gonna force Tony Masserotti and Mike Felger to finally shut the fuck up about how you can’t build a team around him. Can’t wait to see some sad little child in Cleveland crying after Bron-Bron goes down in the Eastern Conference Finals. It’s gonna be awesome.

     

     

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    Discussion

    1. Turd Burglestein


      HehHehHeh, that’s the expression everyone makes at my place in the woods when they realize they’re not leaving. I do give them a choice though. Heroin or cocaine. Or a speedball if they’re adventurous. Then play with my chocolate log castles or go for a walk to pick out their shallow grave. I’m a gracious host. I always give them choices.

    2. Turd Burglestein


      Oh yeah, firsties!

    3. Paul Larson


      I loooove making kids cry. It turns me on, you know, um, sexually. Sometimes I even promise them gifts and then don’t give them to them… Uuungh. Hot. Although I can’t really act on it, because I’ve been retaining semen since the second Reagan term. The Doctor says that’s why my nose is so runny… I’m all full. But, what does he know? Stupid Western medicine practitioner. I’m going to live to be 251… So I can beat that chinky loser Yang Sen. (He wrote the Immortal. Read it.) Oh yeah… Woodrow Wilson sucks old farts from geriatric patients underwear at the old folks home. I hate Woodrow Wilson. Have you seen my rosewood pen? It makes all the other commenters jealous. Later losers!

      Paul Larson

    4. Lars Paulson


      The above post was not written by me. It was written by my pent up sperm. When I decide to use my hard/soft hand technique on my kama sutra punching bag in my dojo, I’m going to spray like a fire hydrant that was knocked over by Kevin Lynch’s drunk mother.

    5. Paul Larson


      Basketball is a team sport played by two teams of five players on a rectangular court. The objective is to shoot a ball through a hoop 18 inches (46 cm) in diameter and mounted at a height of 10 feet (3.048 m) to backboards at each end of the court. The game was invented in 1891 by Dr. James Naismith, who would be the first basketball coach of the Kansas Jayhawks, one of the most successful programs in the game’s history.

      A team can score a field goal by shooting the ball through the basket being defended by the opposition team during regular play. A field goal scores three points for the shooting team if the player shoots from behind the three-point line, and two points if shot from in front of the line. A team can also score via free throws, which are worth one point, after the other team is assessed with certain fouls. The team with the most points at the end of the game wins, but additional time (overtime) is issued when the score is tied at the end of regulation. The ball can be advanced on the court by throwing it to a teammate, or by bouncing it while walking or running (dribbling). It is a violation to lift, or drag, one’s pivot foot without dribbling the ball, to carry it, or to hold the ball with both hands then resume dribbling.

      There are many techniques for ball-handling—shooting, passing, dribbling, and rebounding. Basketball teams generally have player positions, the tallest and strongest members of a team are called a center or power forward, while slightly shorter and more agile players are called small forward, and the shortest players or those who possess the best ball handling skills are called a point guard or shooting guard. The point guard directs the on court action of the team, implementing the coach’s game plan, and managing the execution of offensive and defensive plays (player positioning). Dr. Naismith was once quoted as saying “All I did was hang a broken basket up in a tree and left a coconut on the ground beneath it in an attempt to distract the jigaboo spear chuckers from coming in my yard and stealing my stuff and it worked.”.

      Paul Larson

      1. Paul Larson


        I did not write that. It was some SJC (Social Justice Coward) that is too much of a coward to use their real name. You can tell it wasn’t me by the fact that he used the term “jigaboo spear chuckers”. I would never refer to the filthy yard apes as jigaboo spear chuckers. That’s just racist!

        The REAL Paul Larson

      2. James Naismith


        Looks like it worked. They took to it like republicans to war. Like democrat to a welfare program.

    6. Delusional


      I lived out-there for a while. Used to be a joke, when they compared the Warriors to the best of the Boston, Philadelphia, L.A., N.Y., teams of the past.

    7. The Real ZephyrCat


      If that was my kid acting like a pussy and embarrassing me, I’d haul off and smack the little bastard and give him something to cry about. That’s how my dad raised me and see how well I turned out.

      1. BobnMic


        Zeph, ease up. That’s no way to talk. No reason to be violent with your kids. Pull your son off to the side and pull out your cock. That’s what I do!! I say, “You little prick, when your little dingdong is as big as my horsecock, then and only then can you act up!”. It works for both of us. He quiets down and feels shame and it makes me feel good because my dick finally looks big compared to someone else. It also has the side benefit of turning my wife on because of course she watches. She does something similar with our daughter.

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