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Hey Michael Irvin, better shine your Belichick trophies:
We’ll have more groundbreaking analysis of the Patriots emasculating 27-0 win against the Texans tomorrow. But there was just no way the Patriots were supposed to win this game tonight. Roger Goodell wanted us to lose. He tried his best. His Nazi-esque suspension of Tom Brady was overturned by a federal judge, and he wasted millions of dollars appealing it to more judges, who simply decided that he could do whatever he wants to Brady because Nazis have dictatorial powers. But he obviously underestimated Bill Belichick, Josh McDaniels, and the Patriots defense.
The Texans are a team that couldn’t beat us when we had Tom Brady playing. Few teams can. But if this undefeated team can’t beat us without our first two quarterbacks, starting middle linebacker, and a hobbled Rob Gronkowski, then what hope is their for the rest of the NFL? Why even play the rest of the year? We just beat a really good team by 27 points with Jacoby freaking Brissett at quarterback. Because apparently you can put anyone in at quarterback and once they are blessed with Belichick they become superstars.
And the worst part is that the winless Buffalo Bills and their abortion of a coach are next. There is only one way Roger Goodell can possibly make this a game that would even resemble a fair fight:
Tebow. He might be a reject who can’t throw, but it’s the only fair thing to do. But even then, I still think Belichick could win with him. Hell, Belichick could even win with this guy:
Johnny Rookie Bitch. Get him out of rehab and throw a jersey on him. He’ll be in the Hall of Fame by next Thursday. Belichick is just that good. If Belichick was President there would be no such thing as ISIS. If Belichick was emperor of Japan they would’ve won World War 2. If Belichick had dictatorial powers then Harambe would still be alive.
Anyway, clearly we are blessed by God. I know some people probably think that we’re kidding when we say that. But it’s very, very real. This is what happens when you study hard, eat your vegetables, and brush your teeth. You grow up to be Patriots fans.
P.S. What’s the point of even bringing Brady and Gronk back before the AFC Championship game? Let these guys go undefeated and the veterans will take it from there. Life is beautiful when you’re a Patriots fan.
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