• This Hoodrat Getting Caught Shoplifting At Stoughton IKEA Because She Stuffed A Frying Pan In Her Ass, While Wearing Leggings, Is The Funniest Thing You’ll See All Day



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    This caught my eye yesterday. 

    Seems some Nelly “boots wit da fuuuuur” extra, named Sierra Coleman, got nabbed by a rather large IKEA loss prevention associate at the Stoughton IKEA. Coleman has the bright idea to try a lift a premium piece of Swedish cookware down the back of her pants.


    The only problem was that she was wearing the tightest pair of leggings we’ve ever seen. 

    Frying Pan + Hoodrat + Leggings + Stealing = Hilarity. Watch it here:

    She got bagged for being a moron and started to fight back with security in the middle of the parking lot. I guess she would be considered a pan in the ass?

    Anyways, bad jokes aside, some bystander started recording and it might be the funniest thing I’ve ever seen. The thought process she must have had thinking this was a good idea just kills me.

    “I need me a fryin’ pan but I ain’t gonna spend $30 for it. It fits the curvature of my booty. I’m gonna stick it down da back uh my leggings. Yeah, snug. Ain’t no one gonna ‘spect nuffin.” 

    Her genius idea left Al Borlin and Carnie Wilson-Blart, from IKEA Loss Prevention, having to huff and puff to catch her. She apparently bit and scratched them so a guy in plaid had to restrain her.

    Coleman, who has her arms behind her back, starts screaming that she’s pregnant while the gravydumper security officer is telling her to “let go of her shirt.” Onlookers try to tell the criminal that she should just play nice because it’s an only a $30 frying pan.

    “It’s only a misdemeanor,” she screams, with her whale tail and frying pan hanging out of her ass. 

    Let’s give Coleman the benefit of the doubt. Maybe she was just trying to get the pan seasoned. We all know that a well-seasoned pan brings out the natural flavor in food. Maybe she was using some of that booty grease to get a jump start? Assential oils, if you will. 

    Then, our law expert slophound security officer starts barking at the camera lady that it’s illegal to film her without her consent. Nah, it’s not. Just because you took a computer course in the break room, while stuffing your face with delectable meatballs, doesn’t mean you know dick about legalities. You’re probably unemployed as we speak.


    Then, Coleman’s grandmother, who looks about 30, starts screaming about how Coleman has the keys to the car with the kids in it. Of course they are. OF COURSE. 


    The whole crew stands around arguing because Coleman has a hold of the beastly security officer’s shirt. We get a peek at her flabjacks at one point. 

    “You are ruining my shirt. You will be charged for the price of this shirt as well,” security beast says. I think she’s just spewing anything to sound authoritative at this point. Go back to wolfing meatballs, please.

    “You’ll be charged with the price of my baby,” Coleman yells while holding on to the pan in her butt.


    Come on. Aren’t we already paying for the baby? Let’s be serious now. “Daddy” is our tax dollars.

    At some point, the two IKEA workers end up lifting Coleman up by the back her restrained arms, and she pulls the frying pan out of her ass. It clatters on the ground. 
    Now, I spent a bit of time in retail, like most of us did, in my younger days. I know damn well that this whole thing is going to get Carnie Wilson-Blart and Al Borlin fired. You don’t put your hands on a suspect, regardless of how ratchet, because it opens up a whole can of lawsuits. It doesn’t matter what they took. You try and talk them back in the store, and if they run, you call the cops. This video is one giant fail.

    After I watched this trainwreck I noticed that this whole thing went down outside. I’ve been to the Stoughton IKEA about a billion times. It has a covered parking garage behind the store. Turns out that the whole thing happened in Saint Louis and whoever reshared the video decided to pick Stoughton of all places as the landmark.  It’s too bad. I would have loved to find profiles for everyone involved. I’m sure they’re almost as gold as this: 

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    Discussion

    1. BlackandWhite


      This is a pan. This is a crack. This is a pan on crack.

    2. KJDS


      What’s that song by Spinal Tap? “Flat Bottom”? Oh, wait, it’s “Big Bottom” – either title fits.

    3. Reddog


      Love the Al Borlin reference,lol

    4. Phong


      She’s got a hot aee.

      Not!

      1. Phong


        Ass… (what the hell?)

    5. Nasty Camel-toe


      I thought it was a IKEA policy, not to allow low-life in their stores ?

    6. BOBNMIC


      WOULD!!!

    7. Turd Burglestein


      After being seasoned like that in her pants, the only thing you’ll be able to cook in that pan is gonna be catfish or shrimp. What’s even funnier though is they’re gonna put that pan right back on the shelf and someone is going to buy it with her taint all over it.

    8. Stanley Kubrick


      There should be mandatory classes when you buy the phone on how to hold the phone while making videos. With the participants here, widescreen is required.

    9. Sloppy


      I thought only white girls and asian girls had flat asses…

    10. FatFingr Lou


      Can’t IKEA just stick to the shitty particle board and melamine furniture that I used to enjoy burning at an end-of-semester block party?

      What the hell is a half-drunk college student supposed to do with THAT?

    11. Sierras mom


      When she said to me “Ma dem gritz am so good last night I ate da whole pan!”. I thunk she was kidding!

    12. Uncle Daddy


      Dindu Nuffin

    13. V


      What’s she pregnant with, a bucket of fried chicken? Usually pregnant bellies don’t drape/hang over a persons waitband! She heard the lady filming they’ll the security team she was pregnant so she thought it might be a way to get out. Didn’t you see how she flashed a look when the filmer said that but then a light bulb went off when she realized it sounded like a good story. She’s just another victim…

    14. Vanessa


      What’s she pregnant with, a bucket of fried chicken? Usually pregnant bellies don’t drape/hang over a persons waitband! She heard the lady filming they’ll the security team she was pregnant so she thought it might be a way to get out. Didn’t you see how she flashed a look when the filmer said that but then a light bulb went off when she realized it sounded like a good story. She’s just another victim…

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