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This caught my eye yesterday.
Seems some Nelly “boots wit da fuuuuur” extra, named Sierra Coleman, got nabbed by a rather large IKEA loss prevention associate at the Stoughton IKEA. Coleman has the bright idea to try a lift a premium piece of Swedish cookware down the back of her pants.
Frying Pan + Hoodrat + Leggings + Stealing = Hilarity. Watch it here:
She got bagged for being a moron and started to fight back with security in the middle of the parking lot. I guess she would be considered a pan in the ass?
Anyways, bad jokes aside, some bystander started recording and it might be the funniest thing I’ve ever seen. The thought process she must have had thinking this was a good idea just kills me.
Her genius idea left Al Borlin and Carnie Wilson-Blart, from IKEA Loss Prevention, having to huff and puff to catch her. She apparently bit and scratched them so a guy in plaid had to restrain her.
Coleman, who has her arms behind her back, starts screaming that she’s pregnant while the gravydumper security officer is telling her to “let go of her shirt.” Onlookers try to tell the criminal that she should just play nice because it’s an only a $30 frying pan.
Let’s give Coleman the benefit of the doubt. Maybe she was just trying to get the pan seasoned. We all know that a well-seasoned pan brings out the natural flavor in food. Maybe she was using some of that booty grease to get a jump start? Assential oils, if you will.
Then, our law expert slophound security officer starts barking at the camera lady that it’s illegal to film her without her consent. Nah, it’s not. Just because you took a computer course in the break room, while stuffing your face with delectable meatballs, doesn’t mean you know dick about legalities. You’re probably unemployed as we speak.
“You are ruining my shirt. You will be charged for the price of this shirt as well,” security beast says. I think she’s just spewing anything to sound authoritative at this point. Go back to wolfing meatballs, please.
“You’ll be charged with the price of my baby,” Coleman yells while holding on to the pan in her butt.
At some point, the two IKEA workers end up lifting Coleman up by the back her restrained arms, and she pulls the frying pan out of her ass. It clatters on the ground.
Now, I spent a bit of time in retail, like most of us did, in my younger days. I know damn well that this whole thing is going to get Carnie Wilson-Blart and Al Borlin fired. You don’t put your hands on a suspect, regardless of how ratchet, because it opens up a whole can of lawsuits. It doesn’t matter what they took. You try and talk them back in the store, and if they run, you call the cops. This video is one giant fail.
After I watched this trainwreck I noticed that this whole thing went down outside. I’ve been to the Stoughton IKEA about a billion times. It has a covered parking garage behind the store. Turns out that the whole thing happened in Saint Louis and whoever reshared the video decided to pick Stoughton of all places as the landmark. It’s too bad. I would have loved to find profiles for everyone involved. I’m sure they’re almost as gold as this:
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