• The Gun Parlor

  • Three Taunton Clam Queens, Who Lied About An Attempted Kidnapping, All Face Off With Desk Girl, And Hit Us With The Greatest Internet Lawsuit Of All Time 



    Desk girl is at it again! This time she’s snagged those three Taunton ratchets from that fake kidnapping story in to her creepy ginger web of friendship!

    Want to advertise with Turtleboy? Email us at [email protected] for more information, and check out our website about types of advertising we offer.

    4ba27317-991b-4352-b70d-f489eadcfdef (1)

    Get the newest Turtleboy Sports t-shirt (as seen on the Felger and Mazz show) by clicking the picture above.
    Get the newest Turtleboy Sports t-shirt (as seen on the Felger and Mazz show) by clicking the picture above.

    Want to advertise with Turtleboy? Email us at [email protected] for more information, and check out our website about types of advertising we offer.

    Screen Shot 2017-02-01 at 10.32.58 AM

     

     

     

    So, I took a couple days off at the beginning of the week because I had GoFundMe/ Guttermuppet burnout. I needed to recharge my brain. I come back and find out that there has been some fake ass kidnapping in Taunton. Whatever, it’s cool, I wrote up the blog and you can catch up here:

    For the record “Clam,” in yesterday’s headline, was supposed to be “Clam.” I meant the sandy shell bottom dweller.

    I had no idea what was about to transpire was the greatest internet lawsuit of Turtleboy history. A stunning display of the most unbelievable hoodrat mating calls I had ever seen.
    Sure, we get slapped with deformation, slander, and harazment all the time, but this was a new breed for a new level of ratchet.

    Fifteen minutes after the blog hit – my email notifications started going off like iPhones in the welfare office when a Kardashian takes a dump.

    Charges filed against me as we speak. I also told the guys in the office that “sia in court clam” is going to be my new catch phrase. It’s the best line ever. I’m going to get it tattooed on my forehead.

    Best line ever until I got the next message….

    A clear case of DECIMATION OF CHATCHER.

    I do have a question. Just one. Did you know how much I needed to laugh today or are you just being you?

    Oh, and your last name is Cunha? That explains why I couldn’t find this in my original search. Seems she’s been dishonest before:


    She even went after Turtleboss!

    I wonder how you’re going to “die gor decimation of chacheter,”  which sounds like something screamed during climax in a German porn, when the police released your 911 call.

    Click here to listen to the 911 call.

    Not a single word about being grabbed. She is still sticking to her lie!

    But Christy/Chrissy (eyebrow sperm) really starts to take a shine to me.


    Around this time, I couldn’t figure out why they hadn’t shown their faces on the Facebook page… so, I posted one of the emails in the thread to see if they were watching.

    Christy responded immediately with the ratchet battle cry of “looser.” She doesn’t just “give a fuck.” She “fucking doesn’t give a fuck.” That’s like some unworldly lack of fucks.

    Moments later, they came face to face with my arch nemesis, Abigail Horowitz. The ginger demon haunting the front desk of Turtleboy.

    Deskie had been in the crapper when they started exploding the inbox scene. She did the best she could to figure out which blog they were crawling out from.

    It started with the chick who had black sperm brows. It seems her calling me a “looser” wasn’t just a typo. Shocking.

     

    Not just any lawyer. A TOP lawyer. Sounds like Vulva will be thrusting in to a class action with this one. He’s no bottom bitch!

    Really Abi? Lancing cysts in your girl tubes? I was wondering why you always smelled like fupa cheese but I had no idea it was creamy. Gross dude.

    She kept going with this “top lawyer” thing. I guess my inclination was right. These bitches watch too much TV.

    After her fifth deuce today – Abi sent her the dreaded form.

    Yes, bonding over rotting vaginas. Sounds like drunk girls in a bar bathroom.

    Bitch, we are the news.

    Chrissy said she wasn’t going head to head with the Turtleriders. No matter how hard she was pushed, she remained stoic… well, at least until someone insulted her eyebrows. That was the final blow.

    I wonder if her boss knows she’s spending all day arguing on Facebook and taking selfies with make up filters.

    Next up, Abi faced off with Justine “someone thought I was a hooker so I lied and said they tried to kidnap me” Cuhna. Abi liked her immediately because someone was finally nice to her.



    Look, I know we are having an issue with (and working to fix) pop ups but to say the whole blog is spam is just silly. She just keeps making things up as she goes along.


    I don’t understand why, after being called out so many times, she insists that these people actually have a relation to her. It turns out that Steve Perry is the mother of Chrissy.  Justine, who is best friends with Chrissy, has zero blood relation to these dinglehoppers. Just another case of ghetto labels.


    She’s probably in the middle of a custody battle because she’s a hot mess express. Her daughter is one.

    Shortly after, Justine deactivated her account. It’s hard being a liar.

    Then, the fake mother of all clams swooped in!

    img_4400

    I realized my jokes were going to go way over her head so I gave it to Desk Girl to deal with.


    Ah yes, another one who thinks that there are made up laws for Facebook. She seemed so sure of it too. Yes, Deskie, I’m sure you do hope I get arrested. Wait until you get back from the Gyno today. I’ve loosened the screws on your chair, you ginger cow.


    No, Steve Perry, she’s not messing with you. She really is so awkward that she will tell you all of her intimate details because she thinks you’re friends.


    … And I really do spend all my free time, when I’m not writing about skanks making up kidnappings, tormenting her. Just last week I spun this elaborate lie that my name was Kevina Lynch and she bought it. By the way, it’s impossible to be cyber-bullied in person. It’s also impossible to be cyber-bullied when you’re a grown ass woman. She is right about Kevin being a murderer though.


    We haven’t heard from them since. I bet their top lawyer told them to stop engaging.

    P.s. Yesterday I asked for someone to make a Taunton community page that wasn’t run by a bunch of prudes. Someone came through! Please join Improving Taunton Uncensored! It’s going to be the newest Threw Up In Fall River and The Brockton Hub!! Taunton has too many ratchets to have them stifled by censorship! Just a quick search on Facebook and you’re in! 

     

     

    We urge you to support the Turtleboy Sponsors by doing business with them. Without them none of this is possible. Click on any of them to check out their sites or Facebook pages.

    Screen Shot 2015-12-01 at 10.29.56 AM

    4ba27317-991b-4352-b70d-f489eadcfdef (1)

    Screen Shot 2017-02-27 at 10.14.48 AM

    Screen Shot 2017-03-31 at 2.17.19 PM

    4ba27317-991b-4352-b70d-f489eadcfdef (1)

    screen-shot-2016-12-05-at-8-36-43-pm

    Screen Shot 2017-02-01 at 10.32.58 AM

    Screen Shot 2015-12-28 at 1.20.12 PM

    Screen Shot 2017-03-25 at 8.48.23 PM

    South Shore Turtlegirl

    [email protected] Covering the dirty south shore and coast. Email me with tips or communities you'd like me to watch for stupidity.

    Join the Discussion

    Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

    Discussion

    1. Bushman


      911 cal link doesn’t work… here’s the correct one:
      http://yourlisten.com/cckeach7/tpdcall04072017

    2. Magic marker eyebrows


      Small gene pool.

      1. Sterling Turtle Rider


        Not enough chlorine in it either, there’s a lot of scary stuff floating in it

    3. The Incredible Spider-Man


      The morons who get entrapped by Desk Girl cause me such glee.

    4. Strata


      Sue away ……. I’m laughing so hard at these fools

    5. Social Justice Ultimate Warrior


      I’m thinking the Turtle-riders need to start to a Go Fund Me page to help this Chatcher place out after the recent decimation that happened to it. It isn’t cheap to replace all those satellite tv dishes, abandoned boats, bed bug infested box springs, barbed-wire fences that surround empty parking lots, 100 emoji pajama pants, Chicago Bull Flat Brimmed hats (with the stickers still on obviously)…such a tragedy! The recruiting class for Rachet Madness 2018 just got one more entry.

    6. decimation of chacheter


      decimation of chacheter is the single greatest phrase ever typed.

    7. Stu Pidazzo


      Ok, cards on the table… Prior to reading this post, I had a quiet infatuation with you, SSTG. I kept my feelings to myself.

      I’m not sure what attracted me the most- your writing style, the new derogatory terms you used to describe your subjects, your love of bourbon.

      But after reading this article, I can’t hold back my feelings any longer… So SSTG… Will you marry me?

      (Don’t tell my wife!)

    8. Wtf


      I am so disappointed by the fact that spell check is not utilized. Someone wasted valuable time and energy trying to make idiots sound smart. And to their great disappointment the idiots only sound MORE idiotic. This confuses me. Just saying.

    9. Spermburglar


      Defecation of Catheter!

    arrow