One thing we learned this week is that when you buy a dirt bike you are apparently joining a cult. Safety is gay and anyone who disagrees with you is a libtard. We’ve picked fights with plenty of groups of large amounts of people on Turtleboy before, but I don’t think we’ve ever seen the amount of true hatred and anger as we’ve seen from the dirt bike brigade. Here’s the Top 9 hate messages we received this week…..
10. Ryan Murphy
“Cunt bag!!” “Chock on a big a dick.” This guy is pissed!!! And he’s totally not proving our point for us or anything like that!!
Would I rather it have been a video of a dad shooting his kid up with heroin? So many strong points being made here. Because there’s only two things you can do with a baby – ride around with them on a dirt bike or shoot them up with heroin. Evidently being concerned about safety of babies means that someone should put a bullet in Turtleboy’s head.
9. Josh Hacia
Wow, we’re getting some love from Connecticut now!! Bout time. Josh Hacia is a real winner!!!
Safety is for libtards!!!
8. Tyler Morin
We’ve been called a lot of things, but no one has ever accused us of being a “worthless puddle of dog cum” before. I mean, most dog cum at least has some value to shady breeders. Not us though. We are the rare version of dog cum that has zero resale value. Love this kid’s logic though:
“It’s basically fucking impossible to crash.”
Two sentences later….
“My father did wheelies with me on the front when I was a kid. Fuck we even crashed once.”
Brilliant. Also kids and babies are apparently the same thing.
7. Ryan Dowd
Anyone who believes in safety is a fucking pussy!! Also a faggot!!! So says this man:
Way to prove the stereotypes wrong!!!
6. Chris Lauro
Nice, now we’re getting hate from the Ocean State. Only a matter of time until every biker in New England messages us with hot takes!! Although I’m pretty sure his first two points are the exact same point – Turtleboy is too fat to ride a motorcycle. Not nearly as strong as point three about the cock slapping. I’m just happy they finally let gingers ride on bikes.
5. Matt Cornwell
Oh look who it is – the guy we wrote about two months ago after a Worcester cop was stabbed in the face and he implied that the cop probably deserved it because he was corrupt:
Love it when these brilliant minds make a reappearance on the blog. Because one public shaming is never enough.
4. Zachary Nobrega
He was disappointing Turtleboy there for a second. At first he seemed like a reasonable human being defending a friend. Lame. Then the inner dirk biker in him came out to play and informed Turtleboy of something he is already well aware of – Mrs. Turtleboy wears the pants. Thanks for rubbing it in asshole!! Nice to see some Turtleboy hatred out of the South Shore though!!
3. Derick Miceli
So many strong points being made by my man Derick. Also noticed that the kid in the picture is clearly a toddler, not a baby, and also he has a helmet on. Besides that it’s the exact same thing. It’s cool though because he saved France a few months back.
2. James Miller
That is two spectacular sentences. What neighborhood parent wouldn’t trust their small child with this lovely man?
Oh yea, and one more thing:
“White power.” Just had to throw that one in there. This is apparently the voice of the dirt bike community. And here we were making broad generalizations about you folks. Way to prove us wrong!!
Oh yea, and here’s his old profile picture:
No clue who Kurt Caselli is. All I know from this picture is he looks like a dirt bike rider and he’s dead. Gee, wonder how he died:
Safety is wicked gay!!! Dying is cool!!! Stupid libtards!!!
1. Chad Farnsworth
You’re here to defend Momma Turtleboy? OK. Chad Farnsworth is a real winner too. He claims to be a bank teller:
And as you can see, he is the ultimate badass:
Lots of badasses watch the Disney Channel every night before bed
And tons of wangstas are Justin Bieber fans
Be warned – he has zero tolerance for hoes
He doesn’t care if he’s the most hated kid around
And he is not to be confused with the “cock express”
He also recently purchased a pit bull
Shocking, I know. And he recently got home from a quick stint in Norfolk County House of Corrections
No word on if their cable provider carries the Disney Channel. Safe to say he was the most badass person in minimum security prison though.
Anyway, these lovely creatures obviously taught us a valuable lesson. Here we were thinking that anyone who would openly advocate for a baby riding on a dirt bike was inbred redneck white trash. Turns out they’re all very reasonable, well-spoken sources of hot takes!!!
P.S. All nine of these rednecks are white guys. Tell me more about Turtleboy is a racist blog that picks on people of color though. Makes sense.
We urge you to support the Turtleboy Sponsors by doing business with them. Without them none of this is possible. Click on any of them to check out their sites or Facebook pages.
Wormtown Brewery, Union Tavern, Bennie’s Cafe, JJM Insurance, Smokestack Urban Barbecue, Smitty’s Tavern, Julio’s Liquors, The Gun Parlor Range, Attorney Anthony Salerno, Rotti Power Equipment in West Boylston