Bone Ride

Top 5 Dumpiest Cities And Towns In Rhode Island

Turtleboy’s Facebook page is suspended until Saturday. Remember to like the Free Turtleboy Facebook page, which we use to post blogs when the Turtleboy Sports Facebook account is suspended. If we ever get shut down for good, this will become the new Turtleboy Sports main Facebook page.

Loading...

We urge you to support the Turtleboy Sponsors by doing business with them. Without them none of this is possible: Wormtown BreweryUnion TavernScavone Plumbing,  Bennie’s CafeCraftech RestorationJJM InsuranceSmokestack Urban BarbecueAttorney Michael ErlichH-S Trading FirearmsSmitty’s TavernJulio’s LiquorsHomeWarrantyReports.comThe Gun Parlor Range3B Auto,  Attorney Anthony SalernoO’Connor Insurance 24-7, Monster Movers, Firesafe Chimney Services, The Law Office Of Joseph J. Carigila, Skyhook Tree And Sons

Want to have your business advert seen by over 1.2 million people per month? Email us at [email protected] for more information, and check out our website about types of advertising we offer. Want to make money real fast? We will pay you cash if you bring us advertisers. 

Follow us on Twitter and like us on Facebook

Click on the image to get your Turtleboy Sports Revolution hoodie or browse other merchandise from the Turtleboy store.

Click on the image to get your Turtleboy Sports Revolution hoodie or browse other merchandise from the Turtleboy store.

 

As part of Turtleboy’s continuing zip trip bone ride dump tour de New England, we’re taking trips all over the area to rate the places we visit from nicest to dumpiest. Today we went to the smallest state in the country – good ol’ Rhode Island – to explore the magical villages of the Ocean State. Just a disclaimer for the inevitable whining we always get with these blogs – if you can’t look at a bunch of shitty looking landscape and chuckle, this might not be the blog for you. For instance, in Providence there is a picture of a bicycle wheel stuck in a tree. This is funny because normally bicycle wheels don’t end up in trees. So yea, if you’re one of the butthurts who always complain that Turtleboy is just shitting all over these towns, you’re right. But it’s OK because Turtleboy is from a shitty city. So the rest of us will have fun during the 10-15 minutes it takes to read these blogs, so feel free to go play in traffic while the rest of us actually enjoy life.

12527729_1668155250134418_1273837801_n-2

Here’s the Top 5 Biggest Dumps In Rhode Island

 

5. West Warwick

A lot of Rhode Islanders messaged us about this place. Honestly, we were hoping for dumpier. Sure there are your standard boarded up buildings:

12494152_1668116633471613_1614701781_o

12510153_1668116720138271_61132856_o

Abandoned factories:

12517029_1668116636804946_1094932892_o

Shoes hanging from electric wires

12494375_1668116703471606_700770681_o

Urban savannah couch drop offs

12510633_1668116690138274_2100938940_o

And West Warick yard sales

12511082_1668116656804944_132042379_o

12528381_1668116643471612_1897102009_o

12511136_1668116640138279_18411852_o
12494294_1668116603471616_220150787_o

12494496_1668116596804950_666526145_o

But Turtleboy was honestly hoping for dumpier. There’s too many nice parts of West Warwick for this to rank any higher.

Screen Shot 2015-11-11 at 10.29.52 AM

 

4. Pawtucket

A lot of Pawtucket looks like a great place to bring a prostitute, and the economy is booming:

Screen Shot 2016-01-07 at 9.29.04 PM

Screen Shot 2016-01-07 at 9.33.09 PM

They have a weekly “free soiled mattress Thursday”

12494399_10153249323831631_1162985940_o

Their abandoned, overgrown lots are protected by barbed wire fences, in case any young hoodlums are in the market for some Pawtucket tumbleweeds

12511358_1668111390138804_200025367_o

There’s a lot of new housing developments

12499477_1668111356805474_1299864355_o

And generally the first sign that you know you’re in a dumpy town is once you start seeing the satellite dishes

12510559_1668111360138807_773235493_o

Satellite dishes are like a badge of honor in the hood. Seriously, drive through any shitty neighborhood in any city in America. The more satellite dishes, the shittier the weed.

Pawtucket is a pretty run down, post industrial cesspool of Ocean State tears, but the one thing they still have going for them are the PawSox. PawSox stuff is everywhere:

12510803_10153249325646631_703984581_o

Oh wait, the PawSox are getting the hell out of Pawtucket, so this place should easily be #1 when we do this zip trip again in five years.

Lou Merloni loves this place because he’s lived here longer than anyone else. I have to admit, it is a great place to sit at home all day and watch traffic from your living room window:

12494563_1668111330138810_505665529_o

If you’re looking for some Mad Dog 20/2o or cigarillos, then Gee’s Liquor is the best value in town.

12494178_10153249323961631_76988959_o

They probably have the greatest slogan in the history of small businesses – “Get Yur DrinkX-ON Gee’S.” I know I don’t leave there without a bottle of Henny and a calling card:

12510742_1668111363472140_514646269_o

Yes, apparently calling cards are still a thing.

Just watch out for those Pawtucket McDonald’s though – the soft serve machines have a tendency to blow up directly in your face.

12510036_10153249325471631_1819095360_o

12517025_10153249325506631_58030404_o

unnamed-4

3. Providence

Providence was built by the mob which means that the part outsiders see will be really nice, but the rest will be a gigantic wasteland of failed government programs. Downtown Providence is lovely, and unlike in downtown Worcester there are normal, taxpaying citizens walking around, as opposed to junkies taking their afternoon naps:

12499018_1668114183471858_1430677491_o

12494577_1668114153471861_2124178020_o

But once you start going south, that’s when the fun starts. Providence has a never ending supply of grown men who don’t have to work on a Wednesday afternoon

12510657_1668113946805215_1808218223_o

Screen Shot 2015-12-01 at 10.10.28 AM

vacant lots everywhere

12490383_1668114193471857_2079775774_o

12494466_10153249322006631_1050546394_o

Oddly colored liquor stores

12510536_1668114120138531_15519679_o

Breathtaking landscape

12528400_1668114116805198_876093471_o

12494464_1668113880138555_1842603238_o

A vibrant local art scene

12528514_1668114066805203_762293881_o

12494599_10153249322566631_216490794_o

12510953_1668113876805222_1243451368_o

Boarded up vacants

12494425_10153249322736631_169890581_o

Boarded up vacants that still have satellite dishes

12510661_10153249322401631_12916704_o

12516787_1668114050138538_1697820965_o

Check cashing joints

12510000_1668113976805212_1446647893_o

Free TV’s

12511315_1668114000138543_484639641_o

Front porches propped up by makeshift cinder blocks

12490312_1668113940138549_1418293461_o

And bicycle wheels randomly hanging from trees

12499486_1668114110138532_1580038237_o

12510696_10153249323126631_1121303802_o
So if you’re in Providence you might as well pull up a chair and stay a while. You can bring your own, or you can use the one that every homeless guy in Providence has urinated on.

12494155_1668114056805204_41899309_o

 

2. Woonsocket

Located right down the street from Blackstone, MA, this small city of 40,000 is as far away from the Ocean as you can get in Rhode Island. Yet for whatever reason in Woonsocket, it’s an unwritten rule that you have to have a shipwrecked boat in your yard:

12494570_10153249357061631_1423488365_o

12490100_10153249356896631_1910519624_o

Because why wouldn’t you have a shipwrecked boat in your yard in Woonsocket? Sometimes you can kill two birds with one stone by tossing discarded pickup truck parts on top of your shipwrecked yard boat.

12511225_10153249359561631_460028281_o

12510218_10153249359506631_223249976_o

Bonus points if you write weird shit all over it

12510794_10153249359376631_243879297_o

Screen Shot 2015-12-28 at 1.20.12 PM

I know that when I die, I wanna be memorialized on an abandoned boat/truck next to this lovely river in Woonsocket:

12511373_1668107620139181_1057956324_o

12511367_1668107613472515_1575060621_o

Screen Shot 2016-01-07 at 9.12.51 PM

12528361_10153249359221631_920401685_o

Local residents will tell you that this breathtaking waterway is also a great place to dump a body.

Oh, and good news for Woonsocket residents – every day is trash day. You literally just throw all your shit in the parking lot of your choice and no one cares.

12490207_1668107786805831_252800962_o

12494014_1668107770139166_1561705684_o

12511266_1668107700139173_1180465990_o

Every post-industrial building in Woonsocket looks like somewhere Shredder would train The Foot before they got their asses kicked by four mutant turtles.

12511216_1668107683472508_2053599507_o

12494431_1668107746805835_1033210400_o

12516643_1668107686805841_2090931807_o

There’s also a never ending supply of railroad tracks that haven’t been used since Old Balls was in grammar school. And everyone knows railroad tracks are the best place for bums to take a dump.

12516965_1668107626805847_304110415_o

When driving through Woonsocket it is not odd to see random women sitting on the sidewalk for absolutely no reason

12489781_1668107676805842_729409035_o

Hot wieners

12494603_1668107660139177_1668096570_o

Screen Shot 2015-12-01 at 10.29.56 AM

Luxury housing

12509932_1668107743472502_169122526_o

Abandoned buildings covered in satellite dishes

12516955_10153249360041631_1765282165_o

Screen Shot 2016-01-07 at 9.12.23 PM

Junkyards as far as the eye can see

12510795_1668107703472506_903402232_o
12528668_10153249359796631_41836542_o
And rotting boxsprings adjacent to abandoned buildings where Woonsocket’s finest make sweet, delicious love to one another.

12511130_10153249357116631_1290836465_o 12490187_10153249359161631_892643960_o

1. Central Falls

The worst thing you can do in Central Falls is get a job. It severely cuts into the chillin’ time. Because you will never see so many able bodied individuals chillin’ on any given day than you will in Central Falls.

12490257_10153249326496631_394586377_o

You can freely smoke blunts in the street

Screen Shot 2016-01-07 at 9.25.10 PM

Take a nap on the boxspring of your choice

Screen Shot 2016-01-07 at 9.23.29 PM

unnamed

Explore Central Falls overgrown fenced in lots

Screen Shot 2016-01-07 at 9.25.27 PM

Check out their matching vacant and boarded up buildings

Screen Shot 2016-01-07 at 9.27.07 PM

Screen Shot 2016-01-07 at 9.23.00 PM

Grab a 40 of Old English

12510956_10153249353281631_1230788493_o

Use your EBT card pretty much everywhere

12516939_10153249326956631_2063788554_o

12494612_10153249329326631_35044368_o

12517173_10153249346121631_2126892960_o

unnamed-5

Tour the historic Central Falls mansions

12494354_10153249328071631_2132775441_o

12490326_10153249327926631_1043022324_o

Do the usual things you do in gigantic dumps, like count satellite dishes

12516753_10153249356321631_1535495565_o

Draw your doodles on other people’s property

Screen Shot 2016-01-07 at 9.28.07 PM

And of course head down to the mill and ask if they’re still hiring.

12528203_10153249356506631_463175761_o
Spoiler alert – they’re not hiring.

This is Central Falls High School:

12510205_10153249327231631_346594410_o

In 2010 Obama made an example of this school by forcing them to fire their entire faculty because test scores were too low, which made them a “failing school.” Because as you can see from the landscape in Central Falls, everything is fine in town, and if the kids there aren’t doing well on tests, it’s probably because the teachers aren’t doing whatever Michelle Pfeifer did in Dangerous Minds to reach those kids. Teachers unions responded in 2012 by not supporting Obama’s bid for reelection. LOL. Just kidding. He’s a democrat so they just kept throwing cash at him.

To the Turtleboys who rolled through the Ocean State today, it’s pretty clear that Central Falls was far and away the worst. But I still think the dumps in Massachusetts are dumpier than these. Every city we visited today had at least a few nice areas of town that made it inhabitable. Except for Central Falls. There is no God in Central Falls. My question is, if we were to pick the biggest dump in New England, who ya got – Central Falls or Lawrence?

 

And where should we zip trip to next?

 

 

We urge you to support the Turtleboy Sponsors by doing business with them. Without them none of this is possible. Click on any of them to check out their sites or Facebook pages.

unnamed

unnamed-5

Screen Shot 2015-12-01 at 10.29.56 AM


Screen Shot 2015-12-28 at 1.20.12 PM

unnamed-2

Screen Shot 2015-12-01 at 10.10.28 AM

unnamed-4

Screen Shot 2015-11-11 at 10.29.52 AM

Want to have your business advert seen by over 1.2 million people per month? Email us at [email protected] for more information, and check out our website about types of advertising we offer.

Follow us on Twitter and like us on Facebook

Click on the image to get your Turtleboy Sports Revolution hoodie or browse other merchandise from the Turtleboy store.

Click on the image to get your Turtleboy Sports Revolution hoodie or browse other merchandise from the Turtleboy store.

 

 

Loading...
29 Comment(s)
  • John Shanowski
    February 8, 2016 at 7:36 am

    Some of the pictures in your Woonsocket were actually in a different town. Before you post pictures and make comments, check your facts.

  • Turtlefriend
    January 11, 2016 at 8:58 pm

    Dracut, Billerica, Saugus, Randolph, Wareham, Middleboro, Carver, North Reading are all remarkably shitty for being so suburban in nature. 3A in Billerica is a white trash shrine. Randolph has one of the worst built suburban housing stocks on the east coast outside of Levittown.

  • Grump
    January 11, 2016 at 1:11 pm

    Much better than your western ma article. You actually got out of the car and took more than one picture in each place! And you actually said more than two sentences per town! That’s the TB I fell in love with: The one who shits on the disadvantaged.

  • Agro
    January 11, 2016 at 2:19 am

    Wicked funny! Laughed my ass off at this. I grew up in a town right between woonsocket & central falls and all these observations are spot on (and hilarious). They used call central falls “sparkle city” (some still do). It got dubbed that by the cops there one new years because some gang went around smashing out all the car windows all over town and all the glass in the parking lots was making the place “sparkle”. Also it is only one square mile. Total. Hah! Keep up the funny shit!

  • alec
    January 9, 2016 at 10:42 pm

    Attleboro borders CF and Pawtucket and trust me we get the radiation from them and it is effecting our living space lol

  • Erica
    January 9, 2016 at 4:35 pm

    Fall River and New Bedford are pretty bad.

  • Dm
    January 9, 2016 at 1:43 pm

    I remember looking at a piece of property for a friend of mine in Pawtucket but he later declined to get it – and for good reason. If you take the dumpiest parts of Main South, King St., and Canterbury St. area, then you have all of Pawtucket.

    I love visiting Downtown Providence, but you can get easily duped into thinking the rest of Rhode Island cities and towns are as pristine.

  • derek
    January 9, 2016 at 4:34 am

    Blackstone ma

    • derek
      January 9, 2016 at 4:39 am

      Ok so i lived in woonsocket nd i have to say it was bad nd always will be. Only good thing they did was make a new midle school. Im so glad i moved out of there. Ive been to all these area for work nd it was horrible to look at

      • Cynthia
        February 19, 2017 at 1:34 am

        Oh my gosh I lived there 25 years ago , I just came back from living in VT . Cheapest place I could find at the time and I also had. Three young children two that were in school one in second grade and one in kindergarten. It was horrible there they went to school that year and by the way there school systems sucks ass big time. OH did I tell you that I had the best neighbors. Third floor were drug dealers first floor the lady of the night. Lol I would definAtely recommend to anyone. Not I lasted there for 8 months got out as quick as I could I wasn’t going to be raising my children in that lovely town. I hope these pictures that you took do Upset the people that live there disgusting. Pick up a rake people pick up your trash. You live there too . I personally will never live there again.

  • Chris
    January 9, 2016 at 1:47 am

    You are a douche. You can go into any town and find what you are writing. I don’t live in any of these towns . There is is good every where if you look.

  • Jo
    January 8, 2016 at 10:10 pm

    Woonsocket must be where Gilligan,The Skipper too, The millionaire and his wife, The movie star ,The professor and Mary Ann all still live. I think I saw their boat in one of your pics!

  • ItsAllABadDream
    January 8, 2016 at 5:56 pm

    Man…choosing the biggest shit hole in Rhode Island is like trying to choose the most racist Old Balls blog.

  • Reddog
    January 8, 2016 at 2:49 pm

    Lynn Lynn,city of sin, you never come out the way you went in!

  • JR
    January 8, 2016 at 12:31 pm

    Springfield and Chicopee, please!

  • Mike
    January 8, 2016 at 12:27 pm

    Northern CT makes everything you have done so far look like paradise. Union, Rockland, Tolland etc.
    Its like going to Alabama

  • Lisa
    January 8, 2016 at 10:43 am

    You should definitely check out Winchester New Hampshire, just north of Orange!

  • BobnMic
    January 8, 2016 at 9:00 am

    I like the picture of that bridge in the middle if the pictures because if I lived there I would jump off that.

    FYI: HBO is currently airing a documentary about a massive heroin epidemic down the Cape. Many of the video shots look like it was in the Falmouth area. What is going with the Cape? Is it becoming a shit hole down there? I never go down to Cape Cod because you have to drive around everywhere all of the time. Me and Mrs BobnMic like have a few drinks at dinner and be close enough to where we are staying so we can walk back.

  • PlzGoToMaine
    January 8, 2016 at 8:16 am

    It’s more of a roadtrip, but please find a blogger in Maine or roadtrip there. There’s plenty of material past Augusta!

  • Danny
    January 8, 2016 at 7:29 am

    I think u need to drive thru BROCKTON

  • Danny
    January 8, 2016 at 7:29 am

    I think u need to drive thru BROCKTON

  • Wormtown Refugee
    January 8, 2016 at 6:08 am

    Northeast Connecticut. Willimantic is the heroin capitol of southern New England, surrounded by shitholes.

  • Eric
    January 8, 2016 at 12:36 am

    Central falls sounds pretty hopeless. But you should go to western ma beyond exit 3 on the pike… Pittsfield is over there and i read that it was the drunkest city in the state. They were not my first guess.

  • wabbitt
    January 8, 2016 at 12:31 am

    You have to hit South Woo County – Webster, Oxford, Dudley, Douglas, Northbridge, Uxbridge, Southbridge. Hell, throw in Thompson and Putnam, CT while you’re at it.

    Meanwhile, I’ll be playing “Count the Satellite Dishes” while I’m heading to work tomorrow.

    • Jules
      January 8, 2016 at 7:58 am

      Heck yeah! I live in the webster area and would love this!

  • Sterling Turtle Rider
    January 8, 2016 at 12:07 am

    My vote still goes out to Barre, and specifically South Barre… looks like a lot of these ‘worst of’ pics, dishes, people hanging out, garbage everywhere… y’know, gov’t assistance to the hilt kinda place.

  • ninja turtleboy
    January 8, 2016 at 12:03 am

    zip trip to brimfield next

Comment on this Post

*

RELATED POSTS
The Big E: Cesspool Of Morons With Infomercials, Fried Dough, And Goat Shit
Mr. And Mrs. Turtleboy Investigate Best Apple Picking In Massachusetts At Tougas Farm Northboro
Leominster Dad Makes Hilarious Vine Compilation Video From Three Months of Saturday Mornings With Kids, Morons Predictably Outraged