• The Gun Parlor

  • Turtleboy Live Election Results 2016



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    We’re gonna keep updating this blog as it goes along during election night. If you see something early on that was wrong, that’s because we wrote it earlier in the night…..

     

    2:33

    Donald Trump is officially the President of the United States of America. How the hell did this happen? Amazing. Love you all.

     

    1:37

    Going to celebrate the passage of Question 4. Hopefully when I get back the media can admit what we already know – Donald Trump is the President.

     

    1:15

    All I wanna do is go to bed but CNN won’t let me because they don’t have it in them to admit that the race is over.

     

    12:56

    So tired, but really want to be awake when CNN finally is forced to admit that Donald Trump is the 45th President of the United States.

     

    12:43 

    Watching all these people cry and whine on TV and social media – I don’t know what I did to deserve this, but I thank the good lord for delivering this amazing gift to Turtleboy.

     

    12:40

    Trump is annihilating her in Arizona. Someone please, STOP THE FIGHT!!

     

    12:30

    Hillary just took a 17 vote lead in New Hampshire. CNN got the biggest boner ever. This is the saddest moment of the night. Meanwhile Trump is winning by 100,000 votes in Wisconsin.

     

    12:23

    With 93% reporting, Trump is winning in PA by only 2,000 votes. Not that it matters.

     

    12:19

    Just killing time at this point. Let the memes begin!

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    12:04

    Trump just caught her in Pennsylvania. CNN has him at 232, but that’s without Wisconsin, Iowa, Arizona, New Hampshire, and Iowa, all of which he has clearly won. You add those up and you are way, way over 270. If you add PA, Michigan, Nevada, and Alaska (all of which he could easily win) you get a pounding.

     

    12:02

    Live look at the Hillary Clinton party headquarters:

     

    11:55 

    Donald Trump isn’t just winning Wisconsin, he’s massacring her. Straight up cold blooded murder. Up 4% with 70% in. A real network would call that state, but CNN doesn’t have it in then. It would be surrendering.

     

    11:45

    Yes on 4 wins. Marijuana is about to be completely legal in Massachusetts. Folks in Cambridge are gonna need it.

     

    11:42 

    Martha Raddatz is about to cry.

     

    11:40

     

    11:37 

    Iowa just went to Trump. George Bush lost Iowa in 2000. Blood bath.

     

    11:31 

    The mainstream media is too gutless to call it, so we will. There is a 100% chance Trump will win. The only question at this point is, by how much?

     

    11:28

    New Hampshire still hasn’t announced a winner. No one lives there. They are a disgrace.

     

    11:26

    Pollsters had Trump at 35% in Utah. He just took it with 51%. Almost!!

     

    11:24

    And Trump takes the lead in Pennsylvania with 68% of the vote in. This keeps getting worse for Hillary.

     

    11:20

     

    11:12

    Wisconsin and Michigan continue to look more and more like Trump will win. Both have over half votes in and Trump with comfortable leads. He will probably win both. This is INSANE!!!

     

    11:01

    CNN just announced that Hillary won California. They still haven’t given Trump NC or FL. They just wanted to let her feel special so she could have a lead. This is such awful, awful journalism.

     

    10:55

    Hillary is winning Pennsylvania. Barely. A state she should’ve won by 5-6. Still a long way to go in that state, and most urban areas have been counted. This state is a toss up. If he wins he not only wins the Presidency, he wins in a landslide. No Republican has taken PA since the 80’s.

     

    10:53

    SJW’s created an atmosphere where people are afraid to admit they’re voting for Trump because they’ll be called a racist. That’s why the polls were wrong. SJW’s did this. They made people hate them and vote for Trump to make them miserable.

     

    10:49

    CNN just called Colorado for Hillary, and Virginia 10 minutes before that. Both of states are not as close as Florida and North Carolina are. Yet they won’t call those states for Trump. They don’t have it in them to admit what is happening right now. 98% chance Trump wins at this point.

     

    10:40

    Over 37% of votes from Michigan now in. Trump up a comfortable 4%. It would take a HUGE comeback now for her to take that back. If she loses this state we will officially call the election for Trump.

     

    10:37

    Trump is leading Iowa by 19% with 20% of votes in. Obama won this state twice. Trump was favored to win, but not by this much. The rust belt and Midwest have spoken.

     

    10:29

    Even if Hillary has a miracle comeback, the country has clearly spoken – they are disgusted by her and saw through her bullshit. America is not a monarchy. You do not hand off the Presidency to your wife.

     

    10:25

    ABC just called Ohio for Trump. A state he’s been winning by over 10% for half an hour. What a ballsy call on their part. LOL.

     

    10:18

    Election odds going into the night:

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    Election odds now:

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    Should’ve bet everything on Trump. Vegas doesn’t give money away like that very often.

     

    10:14

    Hillary is winning by 5% in Colorado with over 60% of the vote in. She was favored to win this state. The fact that this is the best news she’s had all night is sad.

     

    10:13

    North Carolina has 84% of votes in. Trump is up by over 4%. That state is over. He wins. But he needed that one.

     

    10:10

    Florida is over. It’s done. She can’t come back. The fact that CNN hasn’t called it yet shows how in the tank they are for Hillary.

     

    10:07 

    Trump is now winning Wisconsin by 6% with 30% of votes in. This is another state that wasn’t ever really in play. More AWFUL news for Hillary. There is a 95% chance that Donald Trump will be the 45th POTUS.

     

    10:04 

    Trump now winning New Hampshire by 2% with less half the votes in. He’s winning Michigan by 5% with 25% of the vote in. This keeps getting worse for Hillary.

     

    10:02

    The democrats could’ve won this election in a landslide if they nominated Bernie Sanders. Instead the DNC rigged it so that Hillary would be the nominee. They did this to themselves.

     

    9:59

    The slot parlor question 1 is losing 60-40. If you’re keeping track at home, the Turtleboy Ticket is not only undefeated, we are annihilating the world. The Revolution is real and it is unstoppable.

     

    9:53

    Hillary is now winning a nailbiter in Virginia (2,000 votes) with only 19% of the vote remaining. If she loses then she’s probably going to lose the whole thing. If she wins then she still has work to do and Nevada could decide the election.

     

    9:50

    Surprised how close this question is. Thought Yes on weed would win in a landslide. Still will probably win.

     

    9:45

    Kelly Ayotte just pulled ahead in the New Hampshire Senate race. This is huge. If she wins, Republicans maintain the Senate, and Trump wins, it’s bye-bye Obamacare.

     

    9:43

    Ohio is over. She’s down by 11% with way over half the votes in. That’s insurmountable. Trump was favored in this state but not by that much. Hillary hasn’t had a positive sign since 8:15.

     

    9:38

    With 10% of votes now in, No on Question 2 is winning 62-38%. It’s early, but that ratio is overwhelming and indicative that this question will probably fail. Another victory for the Turtleboy Ticket.

     

    9:33

    Trump is now winning Michigan by 4%!! MICHIGAN!!! A state Obama won by 8%. Granted only 17% of vote in, but still significant. Trump is now a huge favorite to become the next president. At least an 85% chance at winning now.

     

    9:32

    Florida is over. North Carolina is just about over with 77% in and Trump up by 1.6%. That’s tough to overcome.

     

    9:25 

    World markets are plummeting right now. Another great sign for Trump.

     

    9:22

    Trump has caught Hillary in New Hampshire with the rural areas still to come. He is now the favorite in this state. It’s only 4 electoral votes, but they’re big ones. Bush lost NH, and Obama won it twice. This is indicative of a larger national trend. Donal Trump probably has a 65-70% chance being the 45th President of the United States. Lots of grabbing going down tonight.

     

    9:15

    Trump is winning by 2% in Virginia with 72% of votes in. This was a state that wasn’t even supposed to be in play. If he holds onto this state he will be President. At this point you have to consider Trump the favorite to win the entire election. Wow.

     

    9:09

    93% of votes now in in Florida. Trump up 1.5%. That’s an insurmountable advantage. Trump will win Florida. It would take a miracle for him to lose at this point.

     

    9:05

    Trump takes a slight lead in NC with 69% of the vote in. Florida keeps looking better and better. Michigan has 10% of votes in and Hillary is winning by 2%. Obama won by 8%. This was a big Trump state focus of his campaign. This election is now looking like a toss-up. Insane.

     

    9:02

    Things have clearly changed. Trump has momentum. If Trump wins Florida, NC, and Ohio (which are all currently trending towards him) then we give him a 40-45% chance of winning. He is doing better than Romney did in right-leaning counties. Amazing.

     

    9:01

    Trump just caught her in North Carolina. Down only 0.1% with 32% of votes remaining uncounted.

     

    8:59

    No new updates on Florida in a long time. We have reached the point of the election where Florida fucks with the whole country….just because they’re Florida.

     

    8:57

    Trump just took a HUGE surge in Ohio. Down 48.1-48.0 with more than half of the votes uncounted. This state is now back on track to go to Trump. Far from over though.

     

    8:55 

    Here’s one thing we know was wrong – the Hillary has a 99% chance to win crowd couldn’t possibly have been more wrong.

     

    8:52

    Trump now only down 1.6% in North Carolina. Only 37% of the vote is uncounted. Nail biter. If Trump wins he is still alive. A loss would be devastating.

     

    8:48 

    Trump just took a 110,000 vote lead over Hillary. Only 8% of the vote left remaining. Many of it is from urban areas in the South, which is good for Hillary. Nevertheless, she has a substantial uphill battle. There’s a 90% chance Trump will win this state now. Game changer.

     

    8:44

    Trump just made major gains in North Carolina. He is within 3% with 59% of the vote uncounted.

    Trump just made major gains in Ohio. He is within 2.5% with 69% of the votes uncounted. In both NC and OH the major areas that are uncounted are the rural areas. That’s good news for Trump. We’d say both states are toss ups at this point.

     

    8:34

    Local news:

    Campanale barely won Leicester in 2014. She is massacring Moses now. This election is over. The woman beater has lost.

     

    8:33

    91% of votes now in in Florida. Trump leads by 60,000 votes. That is significant. We give him a 70-75% chance at that state now.

     

    8:31

    Trump just took an 18,000 vote lead with just 12% of the remaining votes in Florida uncounted. However, much of that is from Miami-Dade County, which votes heavy for Hillary. We give Trump a 55% chance of winning this state.

     

    8:28

    Hillary just took a 1,000 vote lead in Florida. This is insane!! Sucks for Trump that even if he wins this he still has four or five must win states. She can afford to lose this. He can’t. At this point we give Trump a 10-15% chance of winning the election. Better than 15 minutes ago.

     

    8:25

    Trump just took a slight lead after MASSIVE voting in the panhandle. Way more than Romney got. That’s the Trump factor right there.

     

    8:05 

    Going into it Trump had about a 25-30% chance of winning. Based on early results, that’s down to about 5%. Maybe less. She’s winning Florida counties by more than Trump did. She wins that the election is over.

    She’s winning Ohio, a state that Trump was supposed to be fairly safe in.

    She’s destroying in North Carolina with over 50% of the vote in. She’s currently winning by 8%. Trump has to take the rest of the state by that margin to make up for it. This is a state he HAD to win. All three of these states are. Even if he does win all 3, he still has work to do.

     

     

     

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    Discussion

    1. Reddog


      Have a nice day Moses. Time to head to another state again.

      1. Anthony's Weiner


        Told ya he’d win Wisconsin.

    2. J


      Jake Tapper just said “we” in reference to the Clinton campaign. Fuck a mainstream media.

    3. Lola Bunny


      Ok, so, wow! America is going to be going to be “great again”. So we got that going for us, which is nice.

      1. White Turtle Rider


        WHITE RIGHTS!
        WHITE POWER!

    4. MrSmiley


      Im excited to see Moses face in the tb graveyard.

    5. Gilly13


      America won’t be great again until all the Clintons are in prison. Unfortunately the Brown Klown will now pardon her, maybe him but probably not Web Hubbell’s daughter.

      Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! The stupid fucking liberal media got it sooooo wrong!

    6. Sterling Turtle Rider


      Can’t wait to start seeing SJW heads explode… the one silver lining in all of this.

    7. BobnMic


      Fucking CBS news panel looked and sounded like they were at a wake or a funeral. Time to smell the coffee boys and girls. The party is over. Time to get back to work. SJWs go crawl back into your caves and behave…

      1. Ron


        Stop watching “See Bs”.

        1. Ron


          “See BS” that is.

    8. Ashamed Atholian


      LOL woman-Beater Moses Dixie lost LMAO! So glad!!!!

      1. BobnMic


        Definitely. Like the Reddog said – time to sell your bullshit in another state. Sorry – women here do not like to get beat up. Maybe somewhere else but not here ya jag off…

    9. Hugh Beaumont


      I can’t remember the last time I almost had a perfect score in voting – except for write-ins. My only loss was Democrats-only-allowed voters voted in Higgins who is a bimbo fresh out of SJW state (Umass Amherst) and Suffolk with a law degree. No work or life experience – perfect for the machine. Moses The Midget lost!!!!! And all the liberals heads exploding last night kept waking me up.

      1. Captain Blunt


        So you voted for Hillary? Why?

    10. Fatfingr Lou


      I turned on MSNBC last night for shits and grins..lots of confusion and denial. James Carville looked like he wanted to eat a shotgun, but was the only one who seemed to get it. I hoped to see some tears from Maddow, but she has the same smug smirk all the time.

      Maybe she and Bill Maher can go to Canada together.

    11. Reality


      My question is when are all the liberal loudmouths in Hollywood going to keep their promises and head off to Canada?

      1. Ron


        When Alec Balwin does, cause he was moving there after Bush 43 won. Fat bastard’s still here.

    12. Captain Blunt


      It sort of sucks having to admit I live in a state over populated with losers. Sure Hillary buried Trump in Mass but Nationally Trump DESTROYED her. I guess that’s what to expect from a state full of people who won’t mind paying $6.99 for a dozen of eggs in the future as long as chickens are living in upscale coops!

      1. Rochambeau


        I don’t know. I live in farm country and my town voted yes on that ballot question. My guess is that the farmers here have no problem passing inspection and wanted to sell meat and eggs.

        1. Gilly13


          The people who this hurts are the elderly on fixed income who will not be able to afford even a half dozen eggs. The social justice warriors fucked over your parents and grandparents over chickens. Free range chickens kill and maim each other because they are mean, nasty fuckers. These snowflakes that started the campaign probably don’t eat eggs anyway.

          As a prepper I have about 30 hens so I don’t give a fuck, I have plenty of my own fresh eggs so I know exactly what I am talking about.

    13. Captain Blunt


      I was actually NO on question 4 but now that it’s past I’m happy. I want to be one of the first to open a pot store. I’ll call it Captain Blunts potorama and I’ll only sell pot,munchies and Mtn. Dew. It’s gonna be great.

    14. Chris From Georgia


      Going to Make America Great Again. Just need to start with draining the swamp!

    15. Fannnnntesticle!


      The SJWs need to feel this pain. Maybe they’ll desensitize finally and get real jobs that don’t involve Tumblr, thick glasses, duckface and obesity.

    16. Fannnnntesticle!


      And waking up this morning was like freekin Christmas as an 8 year old! I have fond memories of the 80s and how good things were. I just have a feeling it’s going to come back. The 90s, PC, sensitivity, self esteem classes, and so much other bullshit ruined us. We need a good dose of honesty and tough love to unite again.

    17. Liberal Tears are Delicious


      Did anybody check on Old Balls and make sure he didn’t have a massive coronary infarction?

    18. wabbitt


      I voted for Hillary, but seeing all the butthurt crybabies have meltdowns is infinitely satisfying.

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