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  • Turtleboy Ratchet Madness Round 2: Cheesehog Region – Vote For Which Ratchets Should Advance To The Sweet 16


    Turtleboy Ratchet Madness Round 2: Cheesehog Region – Vote For Which Ratchets Should Advance To The Sweet 16

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    The results of the second round of voting in the Fupasloth Region of Turtleboy Ratchet Madness is completed. Here are the four ratchets who will advance to the Sweet 16:

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    Erika Murray with the runaway over Sammie Holland was the only blowout. The rest were close. Kevin Lynch blows his load taking down the 1 seed and then chokes against Triggly. Joe Amoroso sqeeks by again. And in perhaps the biggest surprise of this bracket, Kelly Scamerico goes down. Not gonna lie, I thought she was going to the finals. Every time I see that ratchet face I laugh. Someday I will run into her in a Wal-Mart and it will be the greatest day of my life.

    Here’s what the Fupasloth bracket now looks like:

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    Anyway, onto the Cheesehog Region….

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    As usual we will be providing a brief overview of the ratchet things these dumpsterslugs did to make it this far. We also include a link to a blog on each of them if you’d like to make a more informed decision. With that said, here’s our four matchups for today…..

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    1. Auburn Mall Cheesehogs vs. 9. Michelle DuBois

    Totally different kind of ratchets here. Michelle Dubois is a political ratchet. An elected official who uses her influence to tip off drug dealers that the cops are coming. And in true ratchet form she then started a GoFundMe, illegally using her PayPal account, to cash in on her lawlessness. You can take the Brockton chick to the Statehouse, but no pant suit will ever take the ratchet out of a Brocktonite. Meanwhile the Auburn Cheesehogs are legends. I mean, they fought right in front of Santa Clause with the blubber flying everywhere. Everyone who watched it was scarred for life. Oh, and they have kids and one is a lesbian. Awesome.

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    13. Brockton dog beater vs. 5. Gabbie Hebert

    It takes a real piece of shit to do what the Brockton dog beater did to this poor dog. Then to make it worse she wrote a nonsensical rant defending herself as she made her dog piss, and announced to the world that she has kids too. Then of course there’s Gabbi Hebert, perhaps the sloppiest and lease discreet of all the ratchets we’ve profiled. Although we’ll give her a break for being involved in a robbery and subsequent run over of a drug dealer because of her valiant service to our country in North Korea. Just don’t write harmless things on her boyfriend’s page or she’ll pretend to be pregnant.

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    3. Plymouth Dumpsterslugs vs. 6. Mary Louise Hill

    The Plymouth Dumpsterslugs have left a trail of deceit and ratchetry all over the South Shore. From charing rehoming fees for their tent dogs, to abandoning their kids from months on end, to pretending to need money for rent (which they then spend on heroin) when they’re living in rent free apartments, to writing homophobic slurs on places they’ve been evicted from. They ruin everything they touch. Meanwhile Mary Louise Hill gave one of the most epic high as shit interviews outside the courtroom where her lover was being arraigned for beating a junkie to death with a shovel who was banging her raw dog on the kitchen counter as she falsely cried rape. Oh, and when she was in court she ended up getting sent to jail too because she has a million warrants out for her arrest.

     

     

     

     

    10. Dorchester hoodbunny vs. 2. Ashley Losapio

    Trashley Losapio, the daughter of a judge, likes to fuck drug dealers because trashy white suburban chicks like this think get a thrill out of it. Her boyfriends brother then murders a cop. Turns out she was previously investigated by the Attorney General by giving up information on state’s witnesses to gangstas. Her boyfriend is later revealed to have scammed many old women out of thousands of dollars and is a deadbeat Dad. On the other hand, the Dorchester chick gets in fight with relatives and drags them with her car, killing the other woman. Turns out this chick has been in a fight on Mass Ave in broad daylight against a much larger woman as bystanders were told not to break it up.

     

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    It’s only gonna get harder from here folks. You have 24 hours to vote before we announce the winners and begin voting in the Chudstuffer region. Who’s gonna win this whole thing?

     

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    Discussion

    1. Twat tickler


      I don’t care if he lost the ratchet competition, Kevin Lynch is and always will be the biggest turtleboy villain of all time

      1. Lightning bug


        We weren’t voting for biggest A-hole or biggest villain. It is the ratchet-ist, most ratchet, rachety, compared to who they are up against.
        Lynch wins many categories but not most ratchet. He shouldn’t even be in the competition for ratchet. There are others that don’t really qualify. They have mostly been voted out.

        Ratchet: A diva, mostly from urban cities and ghettos, that has reason to believe she is every mans eye candy. Unfortunately, she’s wrong.
        The term ‘ratchet’ has no less than two distinct meanings. As an adjective, it describes a person, usually a woman, or activity, who is out of hand, out of control, generally whack in some way.

        Joe Amoroso is a male ratchet, but nevertheless shouldn’t be in the top 8.

      2. Ice Ice


        Pick up a pie from Pepe’s and vote Trashley all night.

    2. Vote 4 Gabbie


      Gabbie! Gabbie! Gabbie! level of ratchet-ness aside, how can you vote against that ass? Damn!

    3. Turd Burglestein


      Firsties again Bwahahahahabha!

      I’d like to burgle Lynchs turds and then vape them Bwahahahbha

      1. light em up


        Not even close to Firsties. Maybe fisties, but not firsties.

      2. Marie Guilmette's Malformed Mooseknuckle


        If kevvy wasn’t gay, I’d let him go noodling for catfish up in this thing.

    4. Emily


      Mary Louise vs. Plymouth dumpster slugs is the hardest match up yet!

    5. Rollo


      #2 seed CheeseHog can’t be stopped. She’s like North Carolina.

    6. Bob Sacamano


      Michelle Dubois is SJW, not rachet. Do a seperate bracket for the SJW crowd. Do The Great and General Court Division (all Reps and Senators); The Worcester State College Division ((Boom-Boom, pussyhat marcher, sunshine, etc); The Amherst Division (UMass and Hampshire); and the Triggered Division.

    7. Richard


      I agree with Emily below. That Plymouth dumpsterslug vs. Mary Louise match up is tough, but I gotta go with the dumpsterslugs.

      1. Richard


        Or above. I didn’t know how the comments would post.

      2. You Hockey Puck


        Always vote local.

    8. BobnLynch


      Why isn’t that slut Feisty on here?!

  • Heidi Wellman For Senate

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