• Turtleboy Ratchet Madness Sweet 16: Trap Queen Region – Vote For Which Ratchets Should Advance To The Elite 8



    Turtleboy Ratchet Madness Sweet 16: Trap Queen Region – Vote For Which Ratchets Should Advance To The Elite 8

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    The voting for who should advance in the Sweet 16 round of the Chudstuffer Region of Turtleboy Ratchet Madness is completed.  Here’s who will be advancing:

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    Not gonna lie, we thought Sarah Burke webcam mom was gonna win. When we closed up shop last night she was winning. Then we woke up this morning and there must’ve been a flood of people who realized just how ratchet the Church of End Times gypsy cult really is. Heather Philip also advances, and here’s what the new bracket looks like:

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    Imagine a finals matchup between Trashley Losapi-ho and Heather Philip? The only two chicks low enough to bang the Zambrano brothers. It’s gonna be tough. You have to think that Trashley is the underdog against Gabbi Hebert, and even if she wins she’s gonna either have Amanda Lacroix or Blackstone house of horrors mom to contend with. Meanwhile, Heather Philip’s got the gypsies, and whatever powerhouse emerges from the Trap Queen region.

    Speaking of trap queens, let’s figure out who should advance in the two Sweet 16 matchups out of that region. As usual we will be including links to relevant blogs on each of the four ratchets in play so you can have something to reference, as well as a tale of the tape which will allow you to make an informed decision. With that said, here are our two matchups today…..

    1. Misti and Jason Iorio vs. 12. Tabitha Renea West

    Case for Misti and Jason Iorio:

    • Profited off the death of two little girls in Orange who died in a house fire by selling bows for a non-existent charity and then turning it into a “business” to pocket the cash
    • Jason is well known for his stolen valor claims
    • Because Misti can’t conceive they took a mentally challenged woman, forced her to sleep with Jason, produced a baby, took the baby, told her she was the Godmother and then made the woman call them “mommy and daddy”

    Case against Misti and Jason Iorio:

    • Don’t use the “n” word or end sentences with “#FACTS!!”

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    Case for Tabitha Renea West:

    • Saw nothing wrong with getting a 420 tattoo on her forehead
    • Says she might kill herself if she doesn’t get tattoo removed after going through phase
    • Wants you to pay to have 420 tattoo removed via GoFundMe
    • Dates super ratchet who grabs her titties while posing for Facebook profile picture
    • Shares unsolicited memes about things she likes sexually

    Case against Tabitha Renea West:

    • Actually wants to have 420 tattoo removed, suggesting her ratchetry is in decline

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    6. Fall River Guttermuppet vs. 7. New Bedford Foodstampopatums

    Case for Fall River Guttetmuppet:

    • Started a GoFundMe because she’s a single mom and asked the entire city of Fall River to co-sign a loan for her because her car got repo’d
    • Recorded a hysterical video diary about her husband being a toddler rapist
    • Her mom sold her out to Turtleboy for being a pathological liar, and when your Mom sells you out to Turtleboy, you know your ass is ratchet
    • Searched for her estranged pedophile husband, with his 16 year-old girlfriend, because he allegedly got hit by a snow plow and was dead in a snowbank somewhere
    • Scammed on yardsale sites by selling broken shit and blocking people when they wanted their money back
    • Faked a family emergency and asked strangers on the Internet to babysit her two young kids for the weekend, for free

    Case against Fall River Guttermuppet:

     

     

     

    Case for New Bedford Foodstampopatums:

    • Known to wear pajamas pretty much everywhere they go
    • When they see news cameras they instinctively jump out of the window and yell racial slurs and “free my boi,” while flipping off anyone who looks at them in horror
    • Referred to as Foodstampopatums by a mainstream media outlet
    • Previously featured in an Amber Alert runaway
    • Knocked up by a drug dealer whose car contained copious amounts of drugs and toy guns
    • Publicly speaks about the desire for a good ol’ stuffing

    Case against New Bedford Foodstampopatums:

    • They’ve only been arrested once since the famous debut video came out

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    Good luck picking who advances here. Easily the hardest bracket in my opinion. Whoever comes out of here has to be considered the favorite to win it all. We had an easier time picking the names of our children than we did deciding who to pick in these matchups. We’ll announce the winners tomorrow and begin the Elite 8 next week.

     

     

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    Discussion

    1. Mark D


      these bottom 2 could have easily been in the finals. So hard to choose just one.

    2. Social Justice Ultimate Warrior


      I watched EVERY Gypsy Church video available and after seeing the exorcism video those axe-scented chud-nuggets did, I think they can make a Cinderella run to cut down the satellite tv dishes. The Fall River Guttermuppet vs.Foodstampopatums is the Duke/Kentucky of our lifetime. It’s a great time to be alive!!!!

    3. Turd Burglestein


      I predict Jason n Misti & Guttermuppet face off.

    4. True Reality Speaks


      Other than the D’Iorio’s, this is the WEAKEST division.

      Loslopio vs Phillip will be an epic battle in the final matchup. Gabby is more of a skank druggie pass around than ratchet.

      There can be only one.

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