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Editor’s Note: Jorge Zambrano and David Njuguna both killed police officers this year. We kept them off this list because Turtleboy is all about the satire. What these two pieces of garbage did cannot be satirized.
This year we have chronicled an epidemic of naughtiness on Turtleboy Sports. And since today is Christmas Eve it’s time to announce our naughty list for 2016, to see who’s earned a big lump of coal in their stocking from Santa Turtleboy. There’s sooooo many to choose from, so we had to shorten the list down to 125, which we will be breaking down into five parts in our countdown to see who was the naughtiest of them all this year. Since we don’t really have the time to explain what each and every one of these slug rakes did to earn their way onto our naughty list, we summed it up with a simple Haiku for each, as well as a link to the blogs about them so you can relive their naughtiness. Here’s #100–76!!
100. Donna Rodeheffer
Gutterslug mother
With sex offender boyfriend
Can go fuck herself
99. Hector Pineiro
Huge scumbag lawyer
Skag client fucks him over
Karma is a bitch
98. Jim McGovern
Runs crime family
Safety pin guards his nani
Redefines useless
97. Josh and Kacey Crombie
Tried to fight the cops
Got fucked up on video
Cried about boo-boos
96. Boy who won the girl’s 100 meter dash in Alaska
Dude with a penis
Says he’s transgender
So he can race girls
95. Jamie Eldridge
Racist Senator
He says that black lives matter
But has no black friends
Turtleboy Shamed Jamie Eldridge, Mass State Senate To Changing Vote For Bullet Proof Vests For Cops
94. Alex Morse
SJW Mayor
Pretends to be a victim
So morons donate
93. Judge Janet Kenton-Walker
Let em walk walker
Makes sure killers stay on street
Two last names, nuff said
92. Dianna Demore
Gets off probation
Decides to sell heroin
In Warren trailer
91. Gordon Davis
Sues Turtleboy Sports
For pointing out he’s crazy
But, he is crazy
90. Karen Webber
Won’t let columnists
Tell the truth about stories
Turtle on the brain
89. Rod and Lyndell Hart
Want to play race card
So they adopt black child
Gay people hate them
88. Bowdoin College snowflakes
Kids wear sombreros
SJW’s are offended
What else is new?
87. Lena Dunham
Everyone hates her
Allowed to speak at DNC
Hillary loses
86. Pamela Paquin
Road kill scavenger
Thinks she is Davey Crocket
Wants to fight TB
Southbridge Hippie Who Sells Roadkill Fur Has Declared War On “Pussy” Turtleboy
85. Adam Saleh
Gets kicked off of plane
Says it’s cuz of Arabic
But he’s just a poon
84. The Hamilton Street dumper
Guy looks out window
Sees chick taking a huge shit
Welcome to Worcester
83. Ilyse Levine-Kanji
Westboro School board
Bites DMV employee
Because she is nuts
82. Alex Bezanson
Dooshnozzle intern
Connected and protected
Now he looks stupid
81. Korryn Gaines
Puts gun to kid’s head
So the swat team must kill her
SJW’s are sad
Sorry BLM, The Arrest Video Shows That The World Is A Better Place Without Korryn Gaines
80. The Gralinski trashbag family from Coventry
Calls firemen ISIS
For flying red white and blue
Someone please punch them
79. Maiya Cruz
Crazy Southbridge chick
Tries to burn down the Walmart
Farted near propane
78. Ruth Terry
Wants to bone this guy
But he’s a sex offender
Picks him over kid
77. Joe Curtatone
Cops don’t like banner
Mayor tells them to fuck off
Most punchable face
76. Judy Davis
Son is whiny bitch
Says professor is racist
Tapes white kids in class
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6 Comment(s)
Those haikus definitely add a nice summation to their stories.
I fucking hate them
You’re fucking miserable. it’s amazing how 9 times out of 10 you come here to complain. Go get laid, GoneSoft.
Fiesty do you think you will land first or second on this list you trashy, child neglecting ratchet slug rake?
Mmmm… I have obviously deeply upset you. This turns me on!
That condiment cup under your tree contains a set of balls for you to attach back on to your body. Hang them somewhere from the labia that currently resides in your pants, pussy.
This entire blog is dedicated to complaining