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Editor’s Note: Jorge Zambrano and David Njuguna both killed police officers this year. We kept them off this list because Turtleboy is all about the satire. What these two pieces of garbage did cannot be satirized.
This year we have chronicled an epidemic of naughtiness on Turtleboy Sports. And since today is Christmas Eve it’s time to announce our naughty list for 2016, to see who’s earned a big lump of coal in their stocking from Santa Turtleboy. There’s sooooo many to choose from, so we had to shorten the list down to 125, which we will be breaking down into five parts in our countdown to see who was the naughtiest of them all this year. Since we don’t really have the time to explain what each and every one of these slug rakes did to earn their way onto our naughty list, we summed it up with a simple Haiku for each, as well as a link to the blogs about them so you can relive their naughtiness. Here’s #25-1!!
25. Sarai Rivera
Vagina is strong
A penis cannot do that
Super Ti-Ti Ho
Only In Worcester: Councilor Sarai Rivera Explains Why Her Vagina Is Better Than A Penis
24. Colin Kaepernick
Backup quarterback
Says he’s fighting oppression
In Castro T-shirt
23. Orne Family
Spencer trashbuckets
Assaulted teacher at school
Whined about boo-boos
22. Marcus Rodriguez
Too dumb to pass school
Sends Snapchat death threats instead
Never getting laid
21. Trigglypuff
Triggered by Milo
Arm fat flailing everywhere
Fat chicks need safe space
This UMass Social Justice Warrior Is The Worst Person Who Has Ever Lived
20. Jennifer Booth
Goes to Macs Diner
Leaves bad review on Facebook
Destroyed by waitress
19. Giancarlo Zambrano
Bootleg contractor
Scams old ladies from money
Punk as bitch brother
Giancarlo Zambrano Left Threatening Voicemail For Turtle Rider, Trying To Collect $6,200
18. Denise Dirth and Michael Chaplin
Lied about fire
Made firefighters look bad
And faked pregnancy
17. Jennie Chenkin
Looks like little boy
Good at Internet lawsuits
But can’t find safe space
This Thing Just Wrote The Most Insane Email Ever Demanding An Apology To Her And Trigglypuff
16. Shaun King/Black lives matter
Called black lives matter
Really just hate the police
Cop banged their girlfriend
15. Becky Monson
If you call yourself
A plus sized Worcester model
You’re really just fat
14. Maura Healey
State sponsored safe space
But supports woman beater
And so full of shit
Thank God Maura Healey Has Created A Safespace Hotline For Those Of Us Triggered By Election Results
13. Heather Philip
Says she’s bartender
Which is code for a stripper
Fucked a cop killer
Jorge Zambrano’s Enabling Girlfriend Heather Philip Got His Pit Bull Back – How Is She Not In Jail?
These Are The People Who Owned The Car Driven By Auburn Cop’s Murderer
12. Laughlin Kennel
Dickbags from Oxford
Selling sick puppies for cash
TB shut them down
Oh Look, Laughlin Kennel Sold Another Sick Dog For $1,800 That Died
11. Mainstream media
Dying industry
In the bag for Hillary
Everyone hates them
10. Auburn Mall Cheesehogs
Fought in Auburn Mall
Everyone saw their panties
We are scarred for life
Meet The Two Worcester Cheesehogs At The Center Of The Auburn Mall Donnybrook
9. Kailey Elizabeth Carlson
Junkie from Plymouth
Scams people for drug money
Turtlegirl exposed
8. Victoria Stankiewicz
After trooper died
She said he once made her late
For birthday party
7. Mel Taylor
Rhode Island trashbag
Can barely write in English
Raising skag daughter
6. Mosaic Cultural Complex
Says they’re doing work
Turtleboy gets their timesheets
Go bye bye bitches
5. Colrain
Inbred capital
Stay reppin Colrain for life
You bet your biscuits
Top 15 Most Colrain Comments From Turtleboy’s War With Colrain
4. Kevin Hayes and Tracy Crowe
Fucking with students
Overthrown by Turtleboy
Don’t poke the turtle
3. Ashley Losapio
Grafton Hill floozy
Likes to get drilled by gangsters
Daddy bails her out
2. Missy and Jason Iorio
Vile Athol chuds
Maury Povich All-Star vets
World’s biggest scumbags
- He who shall not be named
Good with nine iron
Stalks Turtleboy on Facebook
For massive lawsuit
Kevin Lynch Is The Greatest Turtleboy Villain Ever And He Got Our Facebook Page Shut Down For A Week
Breaking News: Kevin Lynch Got Turtleboy Sports Facebook Page Suspended For Another 30 Days
Merry Christmas to turtle riders everywhere!! And everyone else can jump on board or eat shit!
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31 Comment(s)
You should pin this post to the top until New Years Day.
Thank you Kevin. I love the name cheese doodles, as opposed to heroine. I my self have been calling it reindeer food.
As of right now it’s a tie between Fitchburg, and the pipeline protest camps.
Listen here Turtleboy and all you posters do you know who I am??? I’m the fucking Mayor of Fitchburg for Christs sake!!!! I work for the FBI!!! I will punch you in the mouth!!!!! Lawsuits are coming for all of you!!!!!!! The cops poisoned my fucking dog!!!!
You are the mayor of one hell of a shitty city.
Also S.S turtle girl were all waiting for our very late Christmas gift. Part 3.
Hay Kevin. I’m thinking about moving to Fitchburg with my husband. Do you guys have couples shelters? Preferably ones that except cats and dogs.
More couples homeless shelters is included in my 5 step plan to make Fitchburg great again.
1. There seems to be a lot of crime in the city so the solution is simple. Fire all of the police! Less cops = less arrests resulting in less crime!
2. Lots of talk in the news these days about heroin abuse. Simple solution is rename it from heroin to something less scary like Cheeze Doodles. Then when the hospital reports another Cheeze Doodle overdose it won’t sound so bad.
7. Nothing makes a city more attractive to new business and hard working professionals like homeless shelters, methadone clinics, welfare offices and a few well placed FAC’s (Free Abortion Clinics). We open more of these facilities and before you know it new people will be willing to even sleep outside just so they don’t lose their spot in line!
5. Rename the city ‘Lynchville’ and legalize gay prostitution!
When is the AG going to investigate Ashley, and her alleged ties to druggies?
Then you wonder why our justice system is the way it is with all of these losers allegedly supervising parolees. Government at its finest!
Ashley is blowing the DA – that’s why there’s no investigation.
God Bless all of the special creatures TB. Life is short. Agree, disagree, toss some garbage.
Thank you for a forum.
Buon Natale!
Did you get new binoculars for christmas kevipoo?
The pictures in Dave’s phone from the evidence lock up are spectacular
Listen you freak. There was nothing on that phone and it wasnt in evidence as the cop stole it. He forcibly stole the fucking phone and kept it.
Awww…did you lose all your dick pics when that happened? Don’t worry bro…just post your number here and I’m sure someone here will send you a dick attack for the holidays.
Merry Christmas, Murderer!
Turtlebitch has me blocked off of Turtleboy sports. They are afraid that I would call out many of the freak looser turtle riders on their own shit.
I accept the honor of number one agitator of turtlebitches. I am a proud social justice warrior.
I am so glad that they ate finally going to remove the Turtleboy statute downtown. It is a symbol of racism and a mecca for pedophiles as it has become the golden calf for pedophiles like matty and brett.
What happened to Brett anyhow? This new year I will be starting up my own blog. This blog will out ALL loyal turtlriders. Some will be forced out of their closets. Drug habits revealed ,old and active.
We will out local Republicans and their corruption. We will reveal that Aiden has a extremely small penis which is causing serious mental health conditions. Stay tuned.
In the meantime send me my free hooded sweatshirt along with a coffee mug that I promise to use exclusively for a urine cup which I will then weekly shower the statute downtown with.
Merry Christmas Freaks and stalkers.
Bet you $10 you can’t flush me.
Kevin, are you still trying to expose everyone? Creating fake accounts to get inside? I know what it is you just want to be part of the group.
You don’t even live in Worcester, you nut case. You’re going to schlep down from the dirty burg on the reg?
Oh… Right…. You don’t have to go to work, so I suppose you have nothing but free time to ramble on Facebook and plan your next murder.
Yo Kev yo momma a fat ugly lazy slob
Yo grow up to be a pussie
It is kind of amazing to me how much criticism I get from these people who read my posts. I have been criticized by commies, socialists, Democrats and white racists. Just to let you know, I was beaten at Parris Island by a black Marine recruit for “trying to pass for white…You are nothing but a Brazilian coffee bean” he told me just before the beating started. I nearly choked him to death and I broke a giant DI’s nose who tried to put a naked strangle on me.
Dr. Ben Carson sent me a card that I carry to this day saying I was number 48 in his organization; I had supported him from way, way back.
As far as Realist goes, the Democrats have only used blacks, they have not helped them. Thomas Paine wrote in 1786 that: “Freedom is destroyed by DEPENDENCE.” Now, where do Black Lives Matter demonstrate. In cities.
And cities are controlled by Democrats. Republicans control suburbs and rural areas. Democrats are taking away blacks’ freedom by making them dependent on taxpayer handouts. And jobs have been disappearing while Dems ran the show.
Republicans are capitalists, and now that Republicans have gotten rid of the Democrats’ slavery system, capitalism is all about freedom of choice. Like the coal miner who gets paid to dig coal. He can enjoy his Christmas. If you don’t want to buy it, you don’t have to buy it, unlike Social Security, Medicare and Obamacare. If you want to buy it, you can. That is freedom of choice and it goes right along with the U.S. Constitution.
That is the American way.
Paul Larson
Your posts are quite informative, accurate but very long. You take your position very seriously, and should, as the history of our great Nation is being rewritten to serve one particular narrative. Many here, myself included, agree with your position.
That being said many see this site as something else, an offbeat look at the offbeat world we live in. A fun place to troll, vent or just sit back and laugh!
Perhaps an impedance mismatch exists?
Thank you Sal. Maybe if some of the social justice warriors would join our military, we could defend our Constitution against Shuria Law and socialism, the new slavery. It makes sense that socialists, who believe in government-imposed slavery would tolerate a religion that fundamentally believes in slavery. Boca Haram, for instance. By the way, I just bought a great book, The God Who Hates – The Courageous Woman Who Inflamed the Muslim World Speaks Out Against The Evils of Islam, by Wafa Sultan.
Paul Larson
I still think you are missing a golden opportunity to start your own blog. I bet you have a lot of interesting stories to tell and I for one would visit your site. The only reason you’re finding opposition here is because your posts are rarely if ever related to the topic on hand and that’s what comment sections are typically for…to make snark about the people or circumstances relayed by this article, not to share random thoughts about events in your life.
Let me know if you ever decide to start your own blog. I have a presence in many other social circles where stories related to your service would be appreciated and would be happy to share your posts there and help you build a readership following.
Thank you Sir. My wife agrees with you, but I am merely responding to lefties who feel it is okay to call Trump Islamophobic or Xenophobic or somehow feels negative about LGBTs and their comments are completely unattached to the subject of the blog.
Paul Larson
Oh so out of the blue you’re going to be nice to Mr. Larson and show a little respect? What happened? A giant block of good smashed you upside your pathetic shit for brains head?
Well good enough for me if that is what happened and it is about fucking time.
Fuck off asshole. I have always been cordial to Paul. Go back and find any post where I’ve ever been an asshole towards him. You won’t find one. As a matter of fact, you’ll find compliments on at least 3 occasions.
Now go eat a bag of shit covered dicks and take another hit off your meth pipe dickweed.
The last line of that haiku for #1 should have been…
Has very small balls.
I think it’s the Turtle ‘boy’ thing that attracts Kevin Lynch.
I heard he got kicked out of the WalMart parking lot in Fitchburg because they had a sign on the window that said ‘All boys pants half off’ and he went crazy.
I’d do Kevin Lynch in a heartbeat for free!
#20 seems way too high.
#20 recovered well. I saw her private response after Turtleboy’s filet. It was brilliant. A photo of a tiara with ‘princess’ in text beneath. The message: Who’s for lunch?
No one new her personal history. It wasn’t ratchet at all. It was just tragic. But kudos for all for keeping it on topic.
Yeah, I don’t know if she’s naughty, but she definitely is one bad bitch. Hottest featured this year? I think she just might be.