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What a year it’s been for Turtleboy Sports. Over 20 million page views and counting. We started the year with about 21,000 Facebook followers. And despite three separate 30 day suspensions that number has doubled to 42,000. We’ve also got two backup pages with over 10,000 followers each when our primary pages are suspended. We’ve been featured on every major radio station in the Boston, Worcester, and Springfield areas, linked by major media outlets, and widely recognized as the only reliable media outlet in Massachusetts. We are an unstoppable force of nature, and we will not be defeated.
So what is Turtleboy Sports? We get that question a lot. Are we a news outlet or entertainment? The answer is, both. We’ve broken some major stories this year.
- We were the first media outlet to report the name of the man (Jorge Zambrano) who killed Officer Ronald Tarentino.
- We were the first to announce when he was killed.
- We broke the story about the corrupt daughter of a retired judge who continued to work in the probation department despite giving up names of informants to her criminal friends, and dating the brother of the cop killer.
- We were relentless in our coverage with the Spencer-East Brookfield schools, which culminated in a peaceful overthrow of School Committee chairman Kevin Hayes.
- We dug and we dug and we dug until we found proof that Mosaic Cultural Complex was paying its employees to do NOTHING, which forced the City Council to finally cut off funding for the fraudulent non-profit.
We also broke a buttload of other stories as well. But at the same time, Turtleboy lives to entertain. This is why you come here. And we do that by shaming people who have earned the shaming. Because sometimes people just wanna have a good ol’ fashioned laugh. Lots of people don’t like this because for years we’ve let them control the narrative. But not any more. From now on when you act like a fool in public, you will be publicly exposed by the Turtle.
With that said, it’s time to look back at the year in Turtleboy. We will be releasing our top 100 most popular blogs, 10 blogs at a time, so you can catch up on the debauchery. Each blog will be explained briefly with a limerick. We understand that many turtle riders jumped on mid stroke, so this gives you an opportunity to catch up on what you missed……
10. Brockton chick with no tipping policy – 54,396 page views
The waitress who gets her
Is probably gonna flip
Cuz dumpster slugs like this
Don’t like to tip
9. The Ware Vibrator Bandits are identified – 55,887 page views
These ratchets from Ware
Needed a dildo for jerking
Cuz the guy with the chinstrap
Has a dick that’s not working
8. The people who lied about the Orange FD not saving two deceased girls also faked a pregnancy – 60,900 page views
Although we can assume
That the clambox was loose
We can all rest easier
Since they won’t reproduce
7. Legendary Auburn Mall gravy dumpster donnybrook – 73,508 page views
Santa was watching
All this gyrating blubber
Unfortunately for us
They don’t like to use rubbers
6. Cop killer’s twin brother is dating the daughter of a Judge (Trashley LosapiHo) who was previously investigated for giving up state’s witnesses to gangsters – 106,761 page views
A cop killer’s brother
Is a judge’s daughter’s hubby
Giancarlo takes her jogging
Cuz he don’t like em chubby
5. Some guy jumped from the 3rd floor of the courthouse – 112,367 page views
Judge says to tuck shirt in
Guy says “fuck that”
He thought he could fly
But he really went splat
4. Mel Taylor’s trashbag daughter starts fight at Cranston Carnival, so he sent a lynch mob after the guy she attacked – 137,069 page views
Turns out his daughter
Should be the defendant
Only a matter of time
Till she comes home pregnant
3. Turtleboy identifies Ron Tarentino’s murderer – 147,308 page views
Turtleboy reveals the killer
Put a bounty on his head
A few hours later
This trashbag was dead
2. Plus-sized model celebrates the death of five Dallas cops – 197,005 page views
For this stupid brat
When they say plus sized model
They really mean fat
1. Failed actress complains about that time Trooper Clardy made her late to her 30th birthday party – 224,954 page views
Her boss fired her
And soon she was squaling
That’s what you get
For having mixed feelings
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