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  • Whiny Warlock And His Cheesehog Maiden Start GoFundMes To Pay Their Rent And Utilities So They Can Prance Around In Fairy Tale Land With Foam Swords And Plastic Shields



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    If you don’t know what LARP-ing is, that’s probably a good thing.

    Look, I don’t care if your hobby is painting with your feet or collecting used panties from strangers, just don’t go on an internet panhandling spree and expect to come out unscathed. Remember, Turtleboy is everywhere.

    So anyways, if you are going to LARP your little hearts out, just don’t do it while NOT working and expecting everyone else to pay for your rent, utilities, and twinkies. Also, if you’re going to create a GoFundMe to pay for all your shit because you lost your jobs want to play dress up and tickle each other with foam swords, definitely DON’T make a SECOND GoFundMe after the first one is all paid up. I swear it’s like they’re shining the Turtleboy symbol in the night sky, Batman-style, just begging for a shame sandwich.

    Meet Kelley Dunn and Eric Andrew Carvalho Moulton (what.the.fuck. why does this one person have enough names for three?).

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

    Power couple alert!

    So here’s the first GoFundMe from back in March when they first lost their jobs. These dumpster dumplings even got a solid $500 in donations. I’ve been in some difficult shit with money too, but I’d sell an organ or two before embarrassing myself enough to beg for rent on the internet.

     

    I don’t know about everyone else, but it is a HUGE pet peeve of mine when people go into their GoFundMe (for asinine GoFundMes such as this at least) and become cheerleaders. Wow, so close! Every cent counts!

    Ugh shut up and pay your own damn rent. They both look perfectly capable of bagging groceries, mopping floors, or answering phones. No, those aren’t the first jobs anyone other than teenagers would willingly choose, but if that’s what’s out there, that’s what it is.

    Where did this unabashed willingness to beg for money from strangers who earn their own come from?? This isn’t a charitable GoFundMe (you know, like the type of fundraisers GoFundMe was SUPPOSED to be solely used for), this is straight up poor-me-beg-city nonsense.

    So Kelley and He Who Has Too Many Names raised the $500 to pay off their rent/utilities foam swords, elf ears, and Fisher Price shields.

    But that wasn’t enough. 5 months later, Kelley’s pretend-time bae Eric decided to make his own GoFundMe for $1,500. Apparently being “Dystopia rising players” doesn’t pay the bills. I guess the exchange rate for fairytale land wizard coins is weak.

    Five MONTHS later and still no job? Color me shocked.

    And people are really donating to these people. Enablers like that are the reason people have no shame in creating these “fundraisers” to pay for their rent, groceries, and boob jobs.

    Come join adult life like the rest of us and knock it off with the internet panhandling.

     

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    Discussion

    1. TIG OLE BITTIES


      Wow where did she get the fake choppers they look cringeworthy real. If she was the only prostitute in Elfland she wouldn’t make enuff money to get those teeth fixed. Holly fuck. All though after scrubbing her titties clean with bleach and a brillo pad I would motorboat the fuck out of those things as long as she didn’t touch me. Just sayin

      1. Norway Jose


        Those are her real teeth. Know her from HHS.

    2. 2wEntEe


      Both lost their jobs at the same exact moment. Isn’t that convienant.

      Not sure if Mass laws have changed but last time I was (briefly) unemployed, quitting is the only thing that disqualified someone from receiving unemployment benefits.

    3. Employer short of workers


      Ugh. There’s a critical shortage of workers (even unskilled ones) that are legally authorized to work in the United States and these folks aren’t even trying to fill one of the year million open positions. Many Ly much above minimum wage, with benefits.

      If they claim to to actually be working, yay for them. If so and they can’t still pay their rent, maybe they need to find a cheaper place?

    4. Lord Xanax


      All of Dystopia shall kneel and give their rent money to Lord Xanax King of Dystopia!!!
      This video is the FUNNIEST fucking thing on the web.

    5. Sloppy


      I want to get a few of my buddies together in a Snuffleupagus costume from Sesame Street, get rip-roarin’ drunk, and show up at one of these LARP things and just go charging through the place mowing fuckers down. Fill the end of old Snuffy’s trunk up full of billiard balls, swing it around wildly, and properly bludgeon people.

    6. Lisa Flood


      Get a job. Really . get a job. I might have given money to fix her teeth , or buy him deodorant( he just looks like dirty clothes smell) but, really folks ,let these two grow up . NOW !!! LARPING AINT NO WAY TO GO THROUGH THE REAL WORLD

      1. Sonny's Mom


        The dates for King Richard’s Faire in Carver this year are Sept 2 –
        Oct 22. And here’s just a sample of “what do you there”:

        “The King’s handsome knights battle on horseback as bawdy beggars compete in mud. Wacky wenches will leave you in stitches while happy villagers engage you in the lanes. Frolicking faeries can be seen dancing through the forest, where you can try your skill in his majesty’s Gaming Glen.”

        So obviously someone’s getting paid to do all that LARP-ing. These two would fit right in… missing teeth, pointy ears and all.

        1. wabbitt


          But that’s an actual job. Like being a milk maid at Olde Sturbridge Village. LARPing is literally just a hobby.

    7. As If


      Fuck you guys. Kelley is a close friend of mine who has gone through so much shit. Why post stories like this when you can post about more important things in this world? People like you are what make this planet suck.

      1. Sloppy


        2nd place in the Big-E Pie Eating Contest, huh? Yeah, tough break. That is a lot to handle. Give your friend our regards.

      2. Wannabe


        You’re wrong! It is Larpers and Larping that make this World suck!
        Larp you!

      3. Sue


        these stories get posted because it’s really awful that two grown adults would rather play make pretend all day and depend on other people to pay their bills. They are what makes this planet suck! Grow up! Be a adult. Their are jobs out their for larpers, shit even mentally challenge people can work. But these two make a gofundme because they would rather play all day instead of working. I hope they have no children

      4. Norway Jose


        Shitbags like this smelly whore are what make this world awful. There are literally millions of jobs, even the mentally delayed habve fucking jobs. These twats need to get off their asses and get to work. Market Basket in Attleboro is ALWAYS hiring. Fucking get to work, idiots.

    8. whatevuh


      I don’t understand the attraction to these big fat fucking cheesehogs, I don’t get it . . . . do you realize what they’re going to look like in another 10 years, like a beached whale

      1. Wannabe


        Who cares what they’re gonna look like in 10 years??? It’s what they look like right now that makes me wonder how anybody could touch them.

    9. Sue


      I think it is time that gofundme be limited to certain things. I understand medical expenses, end of life care and serivces. These gofundme for cars, rent and all the other stupid shit that is actually on there is ridiculous. I looked through a lot of them. They are taking something that is very helpful to many people and ruining by allowing scumbags to make a gofundme just because they don’t want to work. They have to change the guidelines

      1. chrissy


        i agree.

        honestly when i saw this article i didn’t see the larper’s crime but the way RI turtle laid it out i had to agree with her points were fair.

        most of all when i read the gofundme’s i think two things..

        wtf we had to work dangerous work back in the day and now the kids just build up massive e-friend bases online for being idiots and don’t have to suffer like we did back in the day?

        and, wtf i would never have the skills/courage to beg online, how do they do it??

    10. Sloppy


      I wanna start a gofundme to raise money to put Trump’s face and a snarky message on the billboard across from the exit ramp on I-91 coming into Northampton, so every SJW getting off the highway on their way back to Hamp has to look at him while they’re waiting for that long-ass red light to change.

      1. Donald Trumps Face


        Do it!

    11. wabbitt


      I made a GoFundMe once when I was really fucked financially. But I has too much shame to actually post it on my Facebook for friends and family to see.

      Got a loan from my boss, paid off my bills, and busted my ass to pay back the loan. And I sure as shit didn’t buy any foam swords and elf ears.

    12. Wtf


      There were soooo many at king Richards faire. I am all for doing you , but the place is $32.00 a ticket, that gross , rubbery turkey leg is $12.00 and a soda is $5.00. So I guess I should have started a “go fund me” just to drive 2 hrs and tolerate all the weirdly dressed adults. Also message to all ratchets, Walmart has full length mirrors for $10.00 , either but one or find an honest friend. Because some of those LARP outfits were very not cute and seriously the jello cleavage scared my children.
      Now I can say been there done that , but I will never go again.

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