Why Are These Pawtucket Xanax Trap Queens Messaging Us To Buy Zans Off Turtleboy?
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Not sure how these rumors started, but we’d just like a moment to clarify that Turtleboy is NOT a Xanax salesman. I’m not sure why, but out of nowhere the other day these Rhode Island ragtags started messaging us for the hookup. Started with Krystal Schofield:
First of all, if you’re gonna date a guy with a chin strap, he better be able to get you zans. Secondly, we have no clue who Jessica is. At first we figured she was trolling us. I mean, it’s the Turtleboy Sports Facebook page. She’s not even messaging a person. She’s messaging a business page for a blog and asking to buy drugs. But this chick really wanted her zannies, so we figured we’d play along and see what happened…..
But alas we were too late…
It’s cool though, because she saved France from ISIS.
Then today her Pawtucket pill pal Jessica Kane showed up inquiring about our services…
With a face like this:
You just know she’s the kind of chick who eats zannies with her Cheerios.
That’s what your girl Krystal gets for buying zannies off someone else. I told her I could’ve gotten her three for 15. But she was in such a rush that she chose immediate satisfaction over quality, and she ended up buying fake zannies. So the lesson here is, only buy Xanax off of Turtleboy.
Just kidding. We don’t really sell drugs. But our inbox sure is a magical place.
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