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BREAKING NEWS: Turtleboy Sports Facebook page has been shut down for three days as a result of a conspiracy between Mark Zuckerberg and Colrain. I shit you not, Colrain got us shut down for three days. Here’s why:
So here’s what happened. This buttnut Zachary Goodell is from Colrain. He said something dumb and ended up on our blog about the Top 15 comments from Turtleboy’s war with the town of Colrain.
So he messaged us on Facebook, telling us we didn’t have his permission to use his “intellectual property” in a blog, and insinuated that there would be legal steps taken if the posts weren’t taken down. Whenever this happens we usually point and laugh at the nudnik in question for saying such dumb things. In this case we did so by screenshotting our conversation and posting it to Facebook. As you can see we never swore or said anything remotely offensive. All we did was comment and say, “Come on down, you’re the next plaintiff on Turtleboy Internet Court!!”
Obviously there is nothing offensive about this, but here’s why it happened. Facebook is a multi billion dollar company with over 1 billion users. Guess how many people they employ? 7,000. This means there is one employee for every 150,000 users.
So, if you’ve ever hit the “report” button on someone else’s post before, you usually get back a response from Facebook in 24 hours. Ninety-nine times out of 100 it will come back saying that Facebook reviewed it and it doesn’t violate their standards. But that’s because no one actually reviewed it, because no one really works at Facebook. It’s 100% random as to who they take actions against.
You can tell this because clearly there are billions of Facebook posts that are more offensive than the post we put up. We just happened to get unlucky because the computer generator that Facebook uses chose to make an example of us. Obviously a human being would not look at our post and deem it offensive.
Exactly. Because Mark Zuckerberg is a piece of shit asshole who knows you have no recourse. Facebook has a monopoly on social media. Twitter and Instagram suck aren’t even close to being the same thing. Facebook needs competitors.
This is the second time this has happened. The first time was in August when we shamed Nate Pickens for something really racist that he wrote on our Facebook page. We reported his comment and the automated message came back saying that it did not violate Facebook’s standards. Yet when we shared a screenshot of that EXACT SAME COMMENT, Facebook decided that it did violate the standards. Because as you know by now, no one really works at Facebook.
Turtleboy is pissed. This makes me wanna vote for Bernie Sanders. These billion dollar corporations like Facebook employ NOBODY!! They make all this money and they create ZERO jobs. There’s no customer service phone number, no recourse, nothing. Just sheer laziness in order to maximize their profit margins.
So anyway, we can obviously keep blogging while this happens and will continue to. The problem is that we get tons of traffic via the Facebook page because Turtleboy has over 22,000 followers on there. Plus, that’s where all the good commentary goes down. Until Saturday night, that will be on hold. The blogs will continue, but we just won’t be able to share them on the Facebook page, so we encourage you to share them as much as possible on your Facebook pages.
Luckily Turtleboy always has a backup plan. First of all, if you haven’t followed us on Twitter yet, you should do so by clicking here. We always share our blogs on there too. Secondly we have a backup Facebook page for situations just like this. There’s a chance that somewhere down the line the Turtleboy Sports Facebook page will be shut down for good. That’s why it is critical that you like the Free Turtleboy Facebook page. We only use this page when our main page is serving a suspension, because the hot takes must continue.
Mark Zuckerberg and Colrain can try to silence us all they want. But we will not allow it to happen.
P.S. There’s high demand for Colrain t-shirts right now. We’re thinking about doing one of these. Obviously these wouldn’t be the final designs and we are all for taking recommendations. Which one do you prefer?
Double P.S. Fight dirty against these assholes. If you see one of them posting dumb shit on our Facebook page then report the shit out of them. It’s all random but maybe we’ll take down a few of them now that they’ve taken shots at General Turtleboy.
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