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Aaron Hernandez’ Lawyer Deposed Me For The Dartmouth Yogapoon’s Lawsuit, Acts Like A Hardo, Made Me Define Ratchet, Says Opinions Are Facts, Demands Access To My Accounts And Hard Drive

 

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This episode of Uncle Turtleboy’s Light Night Garage Podcast is brought to you by the good folks over at Garage Doors Plus in Quincy. Support the Turtleboy sponsors by giving them a call for all your garage door needs, visit their website gdplus.com, or like them on Facebook to support the turtle.

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Here’s the TL;DR bullet points:

  • Jennifer Azadnia opens “Buti yoga” studio (called Hope Yoga) across the street from existing yoga studio with certified instructors
  • Many Hope Yoga clients complain about lack of professionalism, ratchet language, and allege that she is using uncertified teachers in her classes
  • Video is sent to us of Jennifer barging into yoga studio across the street, telling the receptionist to wash her hair
  • Tons of bad Yelp reviews are left along with negative comments on Hope Yoga Facebook page (see at the bottom)
  • Jennifer Abruptly announces that Hope Yoga is no longer offering Buti Yoga due to death threats and racism, but many commenters suggest it is because of fear of litigation
  • Lots of people contact us about this story and Western Mass Turtlegirl, who I don’t know personally, does a blog on it
  • Months later another blog is written about her after she is alleged to have not honored coupons that she gave out for free yoga classes because people are abusing them by using them
  • Jennifer appears as a 4 seed in ratchet madness and turtle riders vote her into the Sweet 16 before she loses to Alli Bibaud
  • I get served with a libel lawsuit by her lawyer, and I’m told the yoga studio across the street did as well
  • The lawsuit doesn’t seem to be going anywhere when suddenly she gets a new lawyer named George Leontire, most famous for being Aaron Hernandez’ gay lawyer who first confirmed Hernandez was also gay, and who helped him beat a double murder charge
  • I am deposed and spend the day in Boston with Jennifer, George, another guy, and Attorney Margaret Melican
  • During the deposition George Leontire acts in a threatening, intimidating, and unprofessional manner, often banging on the table and once threatening to get a judge before backing down
  • George Leontire admits that he has the transcript from the Gaffney deposition of me, and it’s clear that Gaffney is helping him and warned George that Margaret is a problem
  • George has 8-10 Turtleboy Live shows cued up, a copy of my book I Am Turtleboy (which is highlighted and color coded), and stacks of printed out blogs
  • George spends 6 hours trying to catch me up in contradictions and fails miserably
  • George yells at Margaret for looking at me and trying to give me legal advice multiple times
  • Jennifer is dressed exactly as she is in the pictures – ghettofabulous with expensive clothing, jewelry, and hooker shoes, along with a Gucci cell phone case that I see because she spends much of the 6 hours on her phone
  • George demands to know the identity of Western Mass Turtlegirl, insists that he knows who she is, has a bunch of papers on her, accuses a woman named Cassie (or Cassandra) of being WMTG, shows me a picture of who he believes is her
  • George deposes a turtle rider named Danielle Ladetto, likely because she commented on the blog and he assumes she works for us, but later cancels once he figures out she has nothing to offer
  • George asks if I left Shepherd Hill due to allegations made against me by a student
  • George shows clear lack of understanding of how the Internet works over and over again, asking me if we have a website on Facebook, asking me what an avatar is, misinterpreting what hosting means, not understanding what WordPress is, etc
  • George asks who my secretary is (I don’t have one) and asks if her name is Elizabeth Babineau, once again showing that he has limited understanding how Facebook works and believes everyone uses real names
  • George suggests that WMTG committed libel for among other things, 1) using the word “barging” in when referencing the video of her barging in, 2) using the phrase “she’s basically a prostitute” because in WMTG’s opinion someone who has sex with a rich elderly man and displays wealth in the ways she does is hardly different from a prostitute, 3) saying that she was running an “illegal” yoga class on a Live show (in reference to the alleged lack of certification of her instructors)
  • I admit to reading over WMTG’s blogs and refusing to take them down because I didn’t see anything libelous, because everything she wrote was either opinions, or screenshots of legitimate complaints made by customers
  • George asks me to define what “ratchet” means and we spend 10-15 minutes on that. I make my well documented case that she is indeed a ratchet.
  • George asks me to define “geriatric yogurt slinger” and “yogapoon”
  • George asks me if it’s “appropriate” to write “Facts are mean” in my book, and suggest that I don’t care about people’s feelings. Appropriate has nothing to do with it and all of the speech in the blogs is protected by the First Amendment, something he should be familiar with since he’s an attorney
  • George asks how I know that her elderly husband (who is worth millions of dollars, has been charged with tax evasion, and once went to jail for over serving a kid at his bar who was killed while walking home (and then tried to sue the kid’s friends)), pays for all of her material things. I tell him that WMTG was expressing her opinion that he paid for all of this and that I did not remove the blog because most reasonable people would have the same opinion
  • George asks if I’ve ever bought anything for my wife, insinuating that under these standards she is also a prostitute, even though I am not a millionaire and my wife doesn’t cover herself in expensive jewelry. I inform her that I once bought her $12 pants that I found on sale at Marshall’s
  • George is clearly spending dozens, if not hundreds of billable hours on this case, which he has to know is likely to lose. In my opinion he is just running the bill up on this overly litigious nutjob, and acting like a hardo at the deposition to make her think she’s getting her money’s worth
  • George demands access to my gmail account, my Facebook accounts, names and emails of all Turtleboy bloggers, access to my hard drive, and access to my iPhone. He orders me not to delete anything on my phone or my hard drive because a computer forensics expert of his will be analyzing it all.
  • I tell George he’s not getting any of those things from me because that’s not how freedom works. He tells me he will get those things because he got them in the Aaron Hernandez murder trial. I laugh to myself because he thinks a murder trial and a frivolous libel lawsuit are the same thing.
  • Jennifer has provided no proof that she lost business as a result of our blog, because clearly she’d been getting negative reviews long before this and appears to have been running a pretty shitty yoga factory
  • George insists that she is not a public figure, which I disagree with. She owns and operates a well known business in town and became a quasi-public figure with her behavior on IG, her bragging about being sponsored by Gucci, and her business Facebook page which has tons of interaction and much public outrage on it
  • George tells us on the way out that we’re going to see a lot of each other in the future, including in court, in a clear attempt to intimidate us. I’m not scared of you George.

Basically the long and short of it is that we spent most of the time going in circles because in my opinion everything WMTG wrote was her opinion. She has a right to these opinions. George thinks that opinions can be lies (“she’s basically a prostitute” quote), and said that all opinions have to be prefaced by “in my opinion.” But that’s not how this works. That’s not how any of this works. I’m sure George is reading this, so we’d like to hear your OPINION on this matter.

Anyway, this is what we deal with constantly at Turtleboy. So if you’d like to help us survive these fascists then feel free to hit that donation button below or buy some gear in the Turtleboy store. We can’t do it without your support. Here’s the podcast on it.

 

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50 Comment(s)
  • fckthat
    April 5, 2019 at 3:38 pm

    6 hours of that nonsense?! I would have left after the first 10 minutes.

  • Kim Un Jong
    March 28, 2019 at 7:18 pm

    “George asks me to define “geriatric yogurt slinger””

    You should have told him “Your boyfriend”

  • Just Sayin'
    March 28, 2019 at 10:08 am

    I understand he’s a partner of Michael Avenatti, let’s see where this goes!!!!
    (Gloating evil diabolical Dr. Evil laugh)

  • T.R. the Hot Yogi of the BooBoo hole
    March 27, 2019 at 11:57 pm

    She needs a few sessions of T.R.’s Naked Hot Yoga, in my opinion.
    The concept is similar to standard hot yoga. Crank up the thermostat and lay out some mats.
    Here’s where it gets brand specific; Ditzy Azalia (or whatever this bling encrusted dumpster of spunk is called) willfully submits to my authority, calls me Daddy and backs that shit up as I work my magic on her core, lining up her chakras and whatever she ate in the last day or so via her colon.
    While I’m vigorously railing her turdcutter, I put out cigarettes on that copious ass which sends her into fitful gyrations, inducing spasms of her cavity, serving to milk my glans in a thorough fashion.
    As a final act of submission, she would orally bathe the still twitching source of her pleasure, cleansing it and paying the proper tribute to her new Yogurt..uh, Yogi Master.
    Of course this will be documented in a three angle video, of which there would be prepared an expertly edited version to be shown to her sugar daddy if the required fees for instruction are not immediately paid.
    A regular maintenance fee would be paid so that the custody of the video is maintained in a confidential manner. First time that money doesn’t appear, it goes on PornHub and in the mail to Sugar Daddy.

    • Receptionist
      March 28, 2019 at 10:34 am

      Excuse me. Mr T.R.?
      Randall is on the line and he is requesting to sign up for your next class

  • Saggy balls
    March 27, 2019 at 7:00 pm

    I wonder if her sugar Daddy has to put 5 grand on the night stand before they “make love” hahaha

  • YogiTheHoe
    March 27, 2019 at 3:47 pm

    Ya, that will go nowhere. He’s obviously just humoring her. They sound like a couple if fucking fools.
    Anyway, I’m not sure I’d go to a yoga studio who’s director has Oprah arms.
    I’m good.

  • Captain Trips
    March 27, 2019 at 2:54 pm

    That lawyer looks like he’s one donut away from a heart attack

  • You're Just Plain Wrong
    March 27, 2019 at 2:45 pm

    linda pizzuti loves john henry because he is funny, charismatic, generous, humble, soft-spoken, and handsome as fuck.

  • Let me up, I've had enough
    March 27, 2019 at 1:55 pm

    I’d throw one in her.

  • Big Wick
    March 27, 2019 at 1:29 pm

    Well, maybe TL;DR for some, but I found it quite entertaining. (Looks like your life is a non-stop Hollywood movie show.) Too bad they didn’t allow recording in court, would love to have seen this crap show. I’m surprised big ol’ Georgie boy didn’t keel over from a coronary or hemo. That first pic of Jennifer Ass-Apnea? Besides looking like a Kim Kardashian wannabe, with her Elton John spec’s, you can see all you need to know about her, in the affected way she totes her precious Gucci bag. Has anyone every introduced George to Barney Frank? They’d sure make a pair. And, does George have a pet name for his willly? One of my old GF’s referred to mine as “George.” HAH! Maybe he calls it “Leon?” George, Leon is Tired!

  • Y
    March 27, 2019 at 1:05 pm

    Her Buti looks like a bag of wet clothes.

  • Nadia Yenraek
    March 27, 2019 at 11:27 am

    I’m curious to know if (a) your lawyer is so stupid that she let you write a blog about a deposition, or (b) you are so stupid that you wrote a blog about a deposition without asking your lawyer first.

    Which is it?

    • Tired of Don't Snitch Millennial Pussies
      March 27, 2019 at 8:22 pm

      (c) None of the above. TBS is not a sheep and has balls – not a mangina.

  • F Lee Ballbag
    March 27, 2019 at 11:13 am

    Bragging about being Hernandez lawyer is silly. First of all he was found guilty and he was a sick bastard. He was a borderline serial killer. In my humble opinion this so called lawyer is taking money from a client for a frivolous attempt to get revenge on TBS for telling the truth. It’s also my opinion that she is an unattractive douchebag. Just lipstick on a pig with all that overpriced bling.

  • Julie the Jarhead
    March 27, 2019 at 10:57 am

    Punctuation tip: If you’ve already used parentheses ( blah blah blah) and you have to insert something elase, switch to brackets, as in (blah blah blah [yadda yadda]).

    • Y
      March 27, 2019 at 1:07 pm

      Close, but it would look like [blah(blah)].

    • Mustang Fever
      March 28, 2019 at 7:25 am

      Don’t I read your comments in the Medford papers?

  • Aaron From The Grave
    March 27, 2019 at 10:11 am

    George please dont tell Turtleboy about our alleged oral compensation agreement for paying my legal tab. No one knows I am gay and I want to go to heaven. There is a slight chance God might forgive my 3 murders but the sodomy thing might get me life in hell.
    Why havent you visited my grave. I miss you honey. They say hell is like The Devil In Miss Jones. I can have all the sex I want but I just cant cum.

  • David Owen
    March 27, 2019 at 9:51 am

    All that said, I’d still let her have full use of my single-barrelled, pump-action yoghurt rifle.

  • Maggie the Cat
    March 27, 2019 at 9:42 am

    I, too, have wondered about the definition of “ratchet” in the Turtleboy Urban Dictionary. I finally concluded that it means “rat sh*t”. Am I correct?

    • Dick Scratcher
      March 27, 2019 at 9:48 am

      A corruption of the word “wretched”, I’m led to believe.

      It’s not used here in the UK.

      • Not Theresa May
        March 27, 2019 at 10:28 am

        Hi Dick
        How’s BREXIT going???

        • Dick Scratcher
          March 27, 2019 at 10:56 am

          Utter shite. The UK is completely fucked.

          • Laura
            March 27, 2019 at 1:08 pm

            Bollocks to Brexit

          • Citypoint
            March 27, 2019 at 2:20 pm

            Look at the pictures of her at leisure.
            Two different shoes.
            Elton John glasses.
            Chanel codpiece.
            That’s ratchet.
            In the UK shes maybe a slag?

          • Dick Scratcher
            March 28, 2019 at 4:29 am

            Definitely a right old filthy slag. Or as they say in the South of England “slaaaaaag”.

      • Maggie the Cat
        March 27, 2019 at 1:31 pm

        Thank you. Since I am the Queen of my own kingdom here, I’ll stick with my definition while you may certainly use whatever noun/pronoun/descriptive adjective you wish. Say hi (or “Tally Ho” to your Queen for me….gotta keep up those diplomatic relations among Queens!

        • Dick Scratcher
          March 28, 2019 at 4:32 am

          Queen Liz thanks you for your kind words.

    • Julie the Jarhead
      March 27, 2019 at 10:59 am

      I once read: “If ‘ghetto’ and ‘hot mess’ had a baby, that’s ‘ratchet’.”

  • Dick Scratcher
    March 27, 2019 at 9:32 am

    She’s in love with the Greek bloke in exactly the same way the Korean purveyor of quality hand-jobs is in love with Big Bob Kraft.

  • ChrisInShrewsbury
    March 27, 2019 at 9:09 am

    He should have asked you for the definition of “Jowls”. For the love of Christ, how does a person let themselves get to this point?

    I’m guessing he hasn’t seen his own Willy in years.

  • Uncle Buck
    March 27, 2019 at 9:03 am

    Deforestation is nothing to joke about,… OH, defamation. Yeah, in my opinion this is a frigging joke.

  • Rachel Rollins Teacher
    March 27, 2019 at 8:27 am

    Yo dat ratchet gets dressed in the dark and her lawyer gets paid in buti.

    -F da poleeeece

  • What the fuck did I just read
    March 27, 2019 at 8:27 am

    I’m sure George is enjoying plenty of atty-client PRIVILEGE for all of his EXTRA HARD work. Hey George how’s the Robert Kraft special?

  • Back Packer
    March 27, 2019 at 8:22 am

    Jennifer, can I push your stool in for you.

  • WeRFucked
    March 27, 2019 at 8:19 am

    Sorry George. “It is my opinion” that 99% of the population would say that Jennifer is with her husband for money. Sure, she probably loves him (for his money perhaps?)
    If she is closing her eyes during sex, it’s for a reason. Myself, it’s to try and prolong the inevitable, to satisfy my partner. Jennifer I would think does it because she’s disgusted with what’s happening, but that’s “just my opinion.”
    It’s also my opinion that she is no different than a prostitute. Would she be with her husband if he was retired bus driver living only on his Social Security checks? I doubt it.

    WTF is “buti yoga?”

  • Torah! Torah! Torah!
    March 27, 2019 at 7:33 am

    Seems like he isnt all that sharp in the legal dept. He may have been on Hernandez team, but im guessing he sat behind the actual lawyers and was relegated to doing research…..

  • Well, No Shit
    March 27, 2019 at 7:03 am

    “Your words on the interweb machine caused irreparable damage to my yogapoo, er, I mean, client’s feelz. Immediately hand over anything electronic that you have ever touched, including the electric typewriter you used in your 8th grade Typing class. See you in court…never.”

    What a fucking douchenozzle.

    *The preceding post was the opinion of the author. No yogapoons, or their slimy shitbag attorneys, were harmed during its creation.*

  • Richard N. Vulva
    March 27, 2019 at 6:56 am

    But not in this case because George is Cuckoo for Cocoa butts.

    • Ratchets R US, LLP Esq.
      March 27, 2019 at 8:33 am

      I would have sued for deformation.

  • ForkyaselfLP
    March 27, 2019 at 6:53 am

    Best part is he’ll probably bill them for the book, so in a way, the prostitute (thru her gramps hubby) bought “I Am Turtleboy.”

    Defining ratchet must have been pretty easy, I mean, Exhibit A was in the room. Maybe the next book could be a glossary with photos of those that personify the terminology?

  • Two Patch Crappy Jack
    March 27, 2019 at 6:52 am

    Oh man, this kind of thing day in and day out would kill me. I’d like to know where these people dig up these Lawyers. Her filthy rich husband must have better than that in his artillery. If he doesn’t, he can’t be all that rich. Or maybe he threw 20 grand at her and said ” you do what you want, I got nothing to do with it” either way, she’s gonna lose. BTW, I would, justv once.

  • Revrun Fishknuckle
    March 27, 2019 at 6:37 am

    He want’s your hard drive? Stock up on BleachBit then plead Hillary..

    • Hillary Clintom
      March 27, 2019 at 7:11 am

      I was going to suggest BleachBit before destroying it then handing it over works every time

  • G.Y.S.
    March 27, 2019 at 6:33 am

    How does one define a Geriatric Yogurt Slinger?

    • MAGA TURTLE
      March 27, 2019 at 7:21 am

      At that point I probably would have just screamed ‘White Power, Fear the Turtle!’ over and over.

  • Dick Scratcher
    March 27, 2019 at 5:52 am

    Cunts. Cunts everywhere.

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