Aaron Hernandez’ Prison Boyfriend’s Lawyer’s Press Conference Was Amazing: Kyle Kennedy’s Prison Nickname Was “Pure” And AH Promised Him Lots Of Things In Exchange For Spooning

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Editor’s Note: Pat Tillman was an American hero. We point this out because some people are butthurt that we’re blogging about Aaron Hernandez and NOT about Pat Tillman. Because apparently you cannot respect the sacrifices made by Pat Tillman while simultaneously enjoying a bizarre story about a former Pro Bowl tight end’s prison butt buddy. So we just want to set the record straight before blogging about Hernandez again – we believe Pat Tillman was an American hero, and the world would be a better place if he was still alive.

Now that that’s out of the way, Larry Army Jr, the lawyer for Aaron Hernandez’ white chocolate prison cupcake, adressed the media today to discuss Kyle Kennedy’s relationship with Hernandez. And it was a shitshow:

Here’s some of the highlights:

• Kyle Kennedy was put on suicide watch after Hernandez killed himself, not because he was suicidal, but because it is protocol, which means he gets no books, TV, radio, or writing utensils, and a CO watches his every move in an isolated cell
• Kyle says that he was close friends with Hernandez, and his client will be the one who explains exactly what their relationship was directly to the media in the near future
• Kyle Kennedy firmly believes that one of the letters Hernandez wrote was to him, which comes from his own knowledge of the relationship that he and Aaron had shared, as well as a third party which confirmed to him that Hernandez wrote him a letter
• Larry Army wants Hernandez’ lawyer Jose Baez to hand over a copy of the letter to Kyle Kennedy, who would be able to decipher the jailhouse talk Hernandez used in it, but Baez is insisting they were not lovers
• Kyle Kennedy was told by Aaron Hernandez before his death that he’d be the recipient of a $50,000 watch, specifically that Hernandez purchased the custom made watch in Las Vegas
• Hernandez told Kyle Kennedy that he would have the watch sent to Kyle Kennedy’s family on the outside, but no one in his family has received the watch
• In September 2016 Hernandez and Kyle Kennedy requested to be cellmates, which was initially approved, but then rejected because of the size difference in case a fight between the two of them broke out
• Aaron Hernandez had a “regular role” with Kennedy’s family, and Larry Army produced a letter that Hernandez wrote to Kyle Kennedy’s Dad
• Hernandez referred to Kyle Kennedy as “pure”
• Hernandez letter to his father called Kennedy his “brother,” and also wrote similar notes to Kyle’s siblings
• Larry Army refused to admit that Kyle Kennedy was Aaron’s lover
• Army said that he was stunned and thought it was a joke when people told him that Hernandez was dead, because of the “closeness of their relationship”
• Three weeks before he died Hernandez wrote a note to Kyle Kennedy telling him that he was “ready to hang it up LOL,” but Kennedy thought it was a joke
• The watch was given to Kennedy on August 27, 2016 as a birthday present to Kennedy
• Army and Kennedy admittedly have NO PROOF that Hernandez intended the watch to go to Kennedy, other than oral (no pun intended) conversations between the two of them
• On the night that Hernandez killed himself Kyle Kennedy was pulled from general population for violating a jailhouse rule
• Kyle Kennedy has read about all the things people are saying about him, which basically means he’s read Turtleboy Sports since we’ve covered this story better than anyone
• Kyle Kennedy says he misses Aaron Hernandez and his infectious smile
• Larry Army would not answer the question when asked if Kyle Kennedy and Hernandez smoked K2 before he was put into solitary

The fact that Kyle Kennedy’s prison bitch nickname is “pure” is the greatest thing I’ve ever heard. Almost spit out my coffee when I heard the lawyer say that. Pure wangsta!!

Alright, first of all, if Jose Baez says they weren’t lovers, then they were probably lovers. Because Jose Baez is a lying gutterslug with a briefcase who only represents high profile, guilty clients, and finds ways to set them free.

Secondly, the watch thing is such a scam, and Larry Army is hardly any better than Jose Baez. He’s just looking for his piece of the pie. There’s no proof that Kennedy was promised this watch, except for some alleged pillow talk from Hernandez. More than likely Aaron just told him this so he’d be down for a late night cuddle sesh.

Thirdly, the fact that these two requested to be bunkmates is the greatest thing I’ve ever heard in my life. Five years ago Aaron Hernandez was seconds away from being named Super Bowl MVP. Fast forward to the present, and he’s begging CO’s to share a bunkbed with this guy:

Once again. Gigantic mansion, beautiful daughter, $40 million contract. Not nearly as appealing as the thought of being the big spoon with this face on a nightly basis:

Fourthly, the fact that Pure White Chocolate thinks he gets to hold a press conference about who was the chocolate chip cookie and who was the cream filling in his relationship with Hernandez, is hilarious. But if somehow this does happen, it might be the greatest press conference of all time. However, I’m pretty sure prisoners don’t give press conferences. Either way, I’m getting aroused just thinking about the gold material that would come out of that.

Fifthly, Larry Army might not have confirmed that they were lovers, but the fact that he provided a note from Hernandez to Kyle Kennedy’s Dad is all the proof you need. He was playing meet the parents already. Plus, he’d already been taking part in conference calls with Kyle’s homeboys for months before that.

Sixthly, screwing Pure White Chocolate over on the way out is the most Aaron Hernandez move ever. Dude was the most selfish person who has ever lived. The fact that he was promising this nudnik $50K watches that he had no intention of giving him, so that Kyle Kennedy would allow Hernandez to treat him like he was a lump of dough in a pizza shop, is so Aaron Hernandez it hurts. The only thing that hurts more was Kyle Kennedy’s glory hole.

The long and short of it is that Aaron Hernandez knew he was gonna kill himself the whole time. He wanted to get his rocks off while he was in the can, so he pretended to be in love with the prettiest face he could find. He promised him a bunch of shit, and even humored his family and friends. But at the end of the day Hernandez was smart enough not to put any of these promises in writing, because obviously he’s not gonna give some wigtacular chud from Uxbridge a $50,000 watch when he’s got a four year old daughter that could probably use the money more than him. Unfortunately for Pure White Chocolate, he thought the relationship was genuine, and now him and his lawyer wanna cash in on it. Good luck with that.

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