WTF

Alaskan Bear Eats Terrible Woman’s Kayak After Getting Pepper Sprayed In The Face

If you pepper spray a bear in the face, don’t get mad when he eats your kayak. 

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Have you seen this video of a bear trying to eat a woman’s kayak in Alaska? It’s pretty funny because the bear is the definition of no fucks given.

Hey lady, the bear doesn’t speak English, but he knows a poopsmooch when he sees one. That’s why he ate your kayak. Also, his name isn’t bear, which is probably why he didn’t respond to your repeated and annoying shrieks to stop eating your kayak. And as for your question, “Why are you breaking my kayak?” The answer is, because I am a wild animal and you are a buttnut who pepper sprayed me. Fuck your kayak.

That bear is a Goddamn American. At least he’s my hero. Because that woman is the most annoying woman who has ever lived, and it’s not even close. If there’s someone unfortunate enough to be married to her, they are probably standing and applauding the bear as well. Imagine having to listen to that voice for the rest of your life? The bear heard every word she was saying and purposely ignored her and kept eating her kayak because he knew it was pissing her off. You think he likes chewing on plastic? Nope. That was a pure revenge job, plain and simple.

It’s not even food!! It doesn’t even taste good, it’s just plastic!!!

Yea, no shit lady. He’s just doing it to fuck with you at that point. Ya know, because you pepper sprayed his ass. Don’t want your kayak to get eaten by a bear? Cool. Don’t live in Alaska.

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again – if I could be any animal in the world it would be a bear. And it’s not even really close. Not a polar bear though. They have to work too hard for their food, plus it’s cold. But brown and black bears? Show me a lifestyle that’s better than their’s. You can’t. Because they can eat WHATEVER they want – fish, berries, deer, kayaks – while other carnivores die from starvation because they’re such picky eaters. Oh yea, and you can climb trees, and you do whatever you wanna do whenever you wanna do it. Then when the winter comes you sleep for six months and you wake up and it’s spring.

So here’s to you bear!!! You sir, are the king of the forest.

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20 Comment(s)
  • Finnish Goalie
    October 6, 2015 at 7:06 am

    I’d call her naive and ignorant of survival skills, not a terrible person.

    No one reading this blog or the woman recording (for whatever reason) is Jeremiah Johnson, and so bring the proper supplies, never travel alone, and don’t panic.

    I enjoy excursions into the woods, but I wouldn’t even do the mountain trails in NH without at least one other person who has hiked before.

  • TDF
    October 6, 2015 at 5:56 am

    Maybe next time she heads out into the Alaskan wilderness alone and Unprepared she may want to bring something like….oh I don’t know….A GUN. I know plenty of people that go out to fish in the Alaskan wilderness and they all bring one for just this situation. Just because she’s all “Earthy Crunchy” and doesn’t want to harm one of Nature’s blessings is probably why she ended up in this situation. This is what happens when someone, who wants to be “One with Nature”, doesn’t understand the brutality of that same nature.

    • J
      October 6, 2015 at 7:28 pm

      She did the right thing. You only use a gun in absolute last resort. Now she shouldn’t have used the bear spray when she did, but if the bear had kept advancing and charged her that’s when she should have. You don’t know if she brought a gun or not.

      • TDF
        October 7, 2015 at 5:46 am

        Really???? Walking TOWARD the bear yelling at it while filming with a camera was the right thing in that situation.

      • TDF
        October 7, 2015 at 5:49 am

        …I’d also like to think that if she did bring a gun with her that, since she had pepper spray in 1 hand, she had the gun in the other hand…..incase it charges at her…that would have been the prudent thing to do.

        She got out of it alive, so good for her. but Alaska is not the place to be unprepared

  • An
    October 5, 2015 at 6:32 pm

    People. Seriously are you all so incredibly shallow? Do you even know the story behind this video? The woman is panicked and is clearly talking to herself to stay calm. You know what they call pepper spray in grizzly territory? Bear seasoning. You’ve pretty much only have one chance of it working. It’s a shock tactic and our highly panicked friend did it entirely wrong, but the fact that she had the courage to stand there and spray it at all says a lot.

    She is ALONE absolutely alone, miles away from civilization. Do you see that sailboat in the bay? That is a lucky coincidence. That kayak that bear if cheerfully chewing up is her only means off that “Island” If she can’t get out of there by water she has a 200 mile hike through very rough land. She doesn’t have cell phone reception. She has a camera. She’s probably filming for two reasons, one so she doesn’t feel so alone and two so that if Bear decides to eat her too people know what happened to her. She doesn’t have a safe little place to run and even if she did not much is going to keep a hungry bear out if it wants in.

    That annoying screetch in her voice? Pure panic and terror. But OMG it’s offensive to you so let the bear eat her. What kind of sociopaths are you people? That situation isn’t reality TV. It’s live and death people.

    So, our heroine, after the bear left, had to swim out ot that sail boat. They didn’t have a radio. Eventually she was able to get her kayak repared and continue on with her travels but I guess she’s a poopsmooch because she feared for her life from a very real threat. Next thing I expect from you all is the hash tag Bear Lives Matter.

    • Maggie the Cat
      October 5, 2015 at 6:59 pm

      She chose to go into the wilderness alone. Sounds like she wasn’t as prepared as she should have been. People die because they make bad decisions all the time. She’s lucky, but still stupid.

      • An
        October 6, 2015 at 12:33 am

        That doesn’t make her a terrible person. Her voice is annoying yes, but that does not make her bad or deserving of bad things happening to her.

        • Itinerant Engineer
          October 6, 2015 at 8:26 am

          Makes her pretty damn stupid though. You don’t go innawoods alone in Alaska, that’s just common sense. Even if you’re a survivalist with a big gun and a bunch of MREs it’s still a bad idea.

    • Troio
      October 5, 2015 at 7:05 pm

      Seriosly…..Shut up

      • An
        October 6, 2015 at 12:38 am

        SerioUsly. I am not afraid not speaking up and not joining thia circle jerk. I will admit to giggling at the video because it is funny knowing shes safe. But I think callingher a terrible person because her fearful voice annoyed us or that bad things should happen to her because of it is beyond the pale.

    • GoneWest
      October 5, 2015 at 8:24 pm

      I would say this is probably her husband defender her honor but I don’t want to sound homophobic. Therefore, to her wife that wrote the last comment, I have never once been in a fight or flight situation and had either decision start by me taking out my phone.

      • An
        October 6, 2015 at 12:45 am

        You must be Sherlock Holmes to come to such a conclusion. No. No. You are psychic. Give me the powerball numbers.

        I don’t know this woman from Adam or Eve as it were. And wow you must be perfect to believe that all standards of behavior must be based on what you would do. Anyone deviating from that should be eaten by bears right cause they are terrible people. Right?

        • GoneWest
          October 6, 2015 at 7:39 am

          If I’m the psychic, how do you know her entire backstory and motivation? Is this the old “takes one to know one” situation?

    • Kevins 9 Iron
      Frank Lee
      October 6, 2015 at 12:15 pm

      “You know what they call pepper spray in grizzly territory? Bear seasoning.”

      You know what they call my Browning 12 gauge semi-automatic shot gun? Bear Reasoning.

    • J
      October 6, 2015 at 7:21 pm

      You’re absolutely right. It’s quote sad what a skewed view everyone else here as on the wilderness and hiking/camping in the true wilderness

  • Kevins 9 Iron
    Frank Lee
    October 5, 2015 at 2:13 pm

    ok I felt sorry for her and was prepared to take you to task TB. Then I listened for another minute and now I think the bear should’ve eaten her.

  • Maggie the Cat
    October 5, 2015 at 1:11 pm

    I have a pretty good relationship with our neighborhood bear. I woke him up one time, by accident, but was able to convince him that I was no threat. He grunted and went back to sleep.

  • wesawbearsonce
    October 5, 2015 at 1:07 pm

    bears rule. that is all.

  • Hoov
    October 5, 2015 at 1:04 pm

    As a kayaker, I don’t often root for people to have their kayaks eaten. That women though… that voice… I feel a growing alliance with that bear… chew brother, chew!

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