All-Star Criminals

Turns Out The Rockland Town Administrator Hated Bobbin For Boners But She Gave Him Revenge Fallatio After Eddie Porkchops’ Wife Called Her A “Disgusting Human Being” For Having Affair With Husband

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Hoodrat Heroes

Witness: Pit Bull That Was “Thrown From Truck” On Route 20 Was Really Wandering Around Worcester For A Week After Being Abandoned But The Ghettofab Family Is Suing Us For Deformation Anyway

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Turtleboy Investigates

State Police Spokesman David Procopio Emails Us And Tells Us He Was Wrong About Who Did Leigha Genduso’s Background Search In Obvious Coverup, Implies McDonald’s Has Hire Standards 

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Nudniks

Married “Reformed” Criminal Crusticle On Date With Mistress At Webster Bar Stiffs Bartender On Tab, Leaves Phone Number For Bartender To Call Him After Hitting On Her And Praying To Hennessy Gods In Front Of Mistress 

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Mainstream Media Fails

Biracial Girl Selling Bottled Water And Had Cops Called On Her By White Woman Was Really Just A Pawn For Her Unemployed Mother So She Could Price Gouge Without A Permit For Free Disney Trip

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