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There is no person in the history of media who has ever been a bigger naniburger deluxe than Bob Kravitz. In case you’re new here, he’s the dooshnozzle who fabricated the whole deflategate nonsense because his crappy, shitty football in Indianapolis needed a reason to explain why they can’t stop us from scoring 45 points every FUCKING time we play them. This right here is the face of Patriots butthurt America:

Biggest. Asshole. Ever. Here’s what he wrote in his column today:

And that, in the end, will be Tom Brady’s undoing, the reason why I believe he will receive a 2- to 4-game suspension. The way he lied to the media about having no clue about the ball deflation before and during the Super Bowl. The way he refused to share various communications – texts and phone calls – with investigators. The way he claimed not to even know Patriots employee Jim McNally’s name when the investigations clearly revealed he knew McNally and had interacted with him.

Again, it’s why I see, and suggest, a 2- to 4-game suspension. And that shouldn’t be all. This is an organizational issue, one that also involved McNally and John Jastremski, and thus should result in a lost draft choice or a fine. It’s something akin to loss of institutional control, as the NCAA likes to say. But, then, this shouldn’t come as any surprise from an organization that maintains a culture of rule-bending and going right up to the line of right and wrong.

It may be too late for Brady to make this right – the damage to his reputation and legacy may be done now and forever – but if I’m him, this is what I do:

I call a press conference and throw myself on the sword. I fess up. I acknowledge that I prefer that footballs are on the lower (or illegally low) end of the PSI scale. I acknowledge I know McNally, have been in almost-constant contact with Jastremski since WTHR.com broke DeflateGate in January, that I’ve been a part of a long-term scheme to deflate footballs to my own personal preference.

He’s a married guy, right? What’s the best thing a husband can do when he’s made a mistake in his marriage? Instead of denying, denying, denying, just come clean and hope your soulmate has it in her heart to forgive. I will be very curious – fascinated really – to see and hear what Brady has to say the next time he meets the media.

What a fucking p-bag. I’m not even gonna break down the Wells report piece by piece yet. We’ll save that for another blog because we intend to never let this die. Ever.

Back to Bob Kravitz. The worst part about all this is this slug rake is doing victory laps on Twitter. Check out these gems:

“I finally have my daughter’s respect.” That about sums it up. This asshat is so unlikeable that his own family can’t stand the sight of him. And the only way he can gain his kid’s respect is by trying to make himself into Bob Woodward. The forumula for media members going forward is pretty simple. Start a ridiculous public uproar about the most hated team in sports. Get on CNN. Force your family to love you.

What a fucking BEYOCH this guy is. “New England fans are calling me mean names on Twitter. Thanks for not joining them Ben Volin. Follow me on Twitter and buy my book.” Hey dickweed, you wanted the spotlight and now you’ve got it. People saying mean shit to you comes with the territory. You realize how much hate we get on a daily basis? Act like you’ve been there before moron.

Translation – no one wants to read my worthless breakdowns of the Indiana Pacers free agency outlook. So I guess I’ll write another article about Deflategate, because the only time I can get people to read my garbage is when I write about the World Champions.

Check out this passive-ggressive garbage:

“I know you’re all expecting me to gloat, because I’m hot shit now. But I’m totally not gonna gloat. Because not only am I the greatest fucking muckraker in American history, I’m also humble. So no gloating from me.” Shut the fuck up Bob Kravitz.

HAHAHHAHHA. Kravitz getting into bed with Mark Brunell is just so fitting. Such a Bob Kravitz move. He’s actually praising Brunell, a washed up quarterback who never won ANYTHING and made a name for himself by pretending to cry when he found out about Deflategate. There is no better match made in heaven than Kravtiz and Brunell.

This was the final straw in the dooshnozzle cocktail:

Kravitz is retweeting and endorsing Dan Shaughnessy. Anyone who associates themself in any way with that walking brillo pad is going out of their way to be a troll. And at the end end of the day both of these two idiots will build their careers on being trolling, click-baiting whores.

Anyway, Bob Kravitz is such a poop-smooch that he thinks that not only should Brady be suspended 4 games, but the Patriots should also lose a draft pick. Ya got that? He’s so butthurt from the Patriots winning all the time that he KNOWS the only way that he can get them to stop winning is to take away Brady and draft picks. That’s what this is all about. Butthurt from an Indy fanboy reporter.

Look, we all know that this talk of suspension is idiotic. We already broke down yesterday the many, many times that that Ted Wells has gone to bat for the biggest scumbags America has to offer. Why do you think he took 100 days to do this report? Because he was running up the bill on Roger Goodell. He’s a professional con-artist, scumbag, chiseler.

Ted Wells HAD to reach a conclusion that the Patriots cheated. Do you understand how high ratings are going to be week 1 when Tom Brady is suspended? Do you understand how many times they’re going to show Brady on the sideline in street clothes, mentoring Garoppolo? Do you understand how much this is going to keep the NFL in the spotlight during their offseason? The NFL will make MILLIONS and MILLIONS off of this.

And make no doubt about it – Brady will be suspended for one game. Here’s what’s gonna happen. Brady will initially get a two game suspension. The union will appeal it and it will be reduced to one game, and the Patriots will lose opening night without him.

But you know who that sucks for most? Buffalo. Close your eyes and imagine what Tom Brady will do to a Rex Ryan coached team that he routinely violates by a million points, on the road, coming off an unjust suspension, with his team sitting at 0-1. It will be a Buffalo raping to remember. And Turtleboy will be there. AGAIN.

And anyone who thinks he’s not getting suspended isn’t being realistic. You are absolutely right in thinking that he shouldn’t be. It’s insane. Not only is there no proof that he cheated, but even if he did, we talkin bout PSI here. Not the game. PS fucking I. In a game that we won 45-7. In a game in which the Patriots RAN for four touchdowns. Not to mention that two weeks later Brady was even BETTER against the best defense the NFL has seen in 15 years. A game in which the balls were guarded like the Mona Lisa. This undoutedly proves that the PSI of footballs haz ZERO effect on the outcome of gams.

But the fact of the matter is that Bob Kravitz has started a witch hunt and the public has bought into it because they’re just THAT butthurt. It’s a new level of butthurt really. And at the end of the day Goodell is a politician who will cave to the butthurt. This is a guy who only suspended Ray Rice for the season after the media turned on him. Bowing to public pressure is what he does best.

And Kravitz has created NATIONWIDE consensus that Brady must be suspended. The only defenders of rationality in the media are Jerry Thornton, Glenn Ordway, and Gerry Callahan. Meanwhile carpetbagger Mike Felger has the biggest anti-Patriots butthurt chub he’s ever had. Chris Rouseau says it should be a full season AND Belichick should be suspened too. The idea that Brady won’t be suspended isn’t even in the conversation anymore because the media ultimatley sets the tone for what the punishment should be.

The bottom line is it’s us against the world, per usual. But all this does once again is prove how special we are as Patriots fans. We are the Super Bowl Champions. We are the chosen people. We are better than everyone else because God loves us more and has bestowed us with an abundance of duckboat parades, the like of which the world has never seen before. Never forget that as a Patriots fan you are better than everyone else in the world.

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