All-Star Criminals

Braintree Barber Busted for Blow While Trap Queen Trophy Wife Raises Money for Addiction On Facebook

This is Danny Sheehan and his lovely wife Samantha.

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At a quick glance, Danny and Samantha seem like a good, wholesome, all American family, complete with the dog. They officially tied the knot this past October and honeymooned in Hawaii.

 

How nice, flat brim hat notwithstanding.

 

From his pretty locked down Facebook page, he appears to be a successful barber at Calabro’s Finest Cuts in Braintree. Any guesses on where he learned that trade? But let’s not be too presumptuous just yet- It looks like a pretty good life that these crazy kids have going for themselves.

But wait….

from Wicked Local Weymouth:

 

WEYMOUTH — A Weymouth man is facing drug charges after a three-month-long police investigation.

 

Daniel Sheehan, 31, of 51 Sandra Lane, was arrested Tuesday and charged with two counts of distributing cocaine, two counts of conspiracy to violate drug laws and one count of possession with intent to distribute cocaine.

Detectives searched Sheehan’s home around 11:45 a.m. Tuesday following a three-month-investigation into reports that Sheehan was dealing cocaine. Inside Sheehan’s home, police said they found several bags of cocaine, cutting agents, packaging materials, digital scales and other materials for processing and packaging cocaine for sale.

The charges of selling drugs stem from incidents on Jan. 4 and March 20, police said.”

 

Looks like someone could use a barber himself.

 

Apparently cutting hair wasn’t making ends meet for Weenie Todd, the Druggie Barber from Commercial St. Then again, when you’re trying to make the world think you’re a success story, you need to make that cheddar. Maybe the wife isn’t sticking around for his sparkling personality after all? I can see the new slogan at Calabro’s now. “Come for the line-up, stay for the lines!”

It pays the bills!

It turns out that drug-slinging Danny boy really commits to the drug dealer persona in his personal life.

 

Pit Bulls?

 

Check.

Picture in front of a Benz?

 

 

Hell yeah, homie.

Bling,

and shirtless pictures with the boys?

Done and done.

Plus, of course:

 

 

The hat. Case closed, guilty, your honor!

If you have any doubts left, just grab a dope business card from this dope dealing derelict.

 

 

 

So really none of this should be surprising to anyone with a brain. Least of all should be to his trophy wife, who clearly wasn’t motivated to marry him based on his pube-tastic hobo beard and ghettofabulous hat collection.  However, in a little bit of an ironic plot twist, wifey Samantha was feeling a bit altruistic a couple weeks ago and decided to do a birthday fundraiser to raise some money for a worthy cause.

That’s right! A fundraiser for “addiction rebranding,” which sounds an awful lot like trying to change the “stigma” of addiction, and to share proof of long-term recovery. Sammy baby, you’re literally trying to solve the problem that your loving hubby is helping to create.  Here’s a pro-tip Sam; if you want to create some effective drug addiction prevention, maybe tell the wansksta you’re currently shacked up with to quite selling snow white Bolivian Marching powder to finance your lifestyle. Just a thought.

 

The funniest thing to me is that even with 2,700+ Facebook friends, Scammy Sammy only managed 6 reactions and 2 donors.

 

Damn, girl!! Even your friends know how full of shit you are. Maybe the congrats on her recovery are a little premature, considering at the very least her life is being financed by the yeyo.

She seems to be lacking in Google trophies, which is more than we can say for Danny:

 

Derek Resler, 25, of 39 Spencer Drive, and Daniel Sheehan, 28, of 88 Purchase St., Carver, were arrested on warrants Wednesday afternoon in Quincy and Weymouth by the Plymouth County Sheriff’s Department’s warrant team.

“Capt. John Rogers said Resler and Sheehan face charges of home invasion while armed, armed assault in a dwelling, aggravated assault in a dwelling, assault and battery with a dangerous weapon, armed robbery, malicious destruction of property and threatening.”

 

But what’s a little armed robbery and drug peddling to stand in the way of true love?

 

At least the wedding was a classy event, right?

 

Yikes… the only things missing are a carton of Newport 100s and a 30 rack of PBR.

 

Let this sad tale be an example to you all. There’s no substitute for hard work. A 9 to 5 grind sucks, but at the end of the day you can take pride in honest pay for honest work. If you try to cut corners instead of cutting hair, you’ll probably end up spending some time in lock up.

 

P.S., your bridesmaid to the far right there?

 

Would.

 

 

This is a submission from one of our new intern blogger candidates. How did he do? Let us know in the comments!

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71 Comment(s)
  • Angela brown
    August 7, 2019 at 1:55 pm

    Know both of them and there straight trash and he fucked multiple people while her man was in jail before her family pays for all her shit and clearly once he came up he did to, I feel like I’m watching love and hip hop just reading the articles. Trash trash trash

  • Well, No Shit
    April 1, 2019 at 4:28 pm

    Samantha’s Instagram proves that she’s a total smokeshow.

    Definitely would.

  • elliot jordan
    March 30, 2019 at 9:56 pm

    So the skank ho samantha is a coke dealer, goddamned tramp. Chicks with tattooed fingers are way cool. Her husband is a dipshit too why is he posing nude with other guys? homo

    • charles Laquadeira
      March 31, 2019 at 2:50 pm

      I’d do her in a ” bunkstah”

  • Johnathan Smith III
    March 30, 2019 at 5:19 pm

    Samantha is in a couple of bukkake movies,splat, groan, slurp someone told me. I like the fat bitches in the wedding photo(shade in the summer warmth in the winter.) I’d take the porker sitting on the right to MacDonald’s and force feed her 22 Big Macs while she was topless and then have her blow me.
    Randall Guy is a negro homo. peace out

    • Ms
      March 30, 2019 at 6:05 pm

      What the fuck is wrong with you. You are a piece of shit. Maybe you should meet up with me so I can shove 22 Burgers up your ass. I I don’t understand what’s wrong with all of you people these girls had nothing to do with some scumbag getting arrested you know need to grow up in shut the duck up

      • Jarrod Skinner
        March 30, 2019 at 7:10 pm

        Don’t feed the trolls, that is just what they want

      • Todd Schwimmer
        March 30, 2019 at 7:45 pm

        Ms posted “What the fuck is wrong with you. You are a piece of shit. Maybe you should meet up with me so I can shove 22 Burgers up your ass. ”
        Why are you so violent? you shouldn’t be posting your gay fantasies about putting hamburgers in a stranger’s rectum. You should apologize to the other posters in this group as they must be horrified.
        You dink. I’ll meet you at burger king 670 Adams St, in Quincy and you can buy me a whopper meal with diet coke(no ice) and I’ll forgive you (I can’t speak for the rest of the group though.) I’ll be there about 9:30 tonight My name is Todd and I’ll be wearing a big cowboy hat and black cowboy boots.

        • Todd
          March 30, 2019 at 7:56 pm

          Hey Todd you think you’re such a tough guy I’m sure your dick is about the size of your thumb. Is that why you’re talk shit. Does it make you feel like a big man

          • Ciarron Mulaney
            March 30, 2019 at 9:50 pm

            hey todd why are you inquiring about the size of a man’s dick?This isn’t some faggot site, you fucking faggot. you posted ” Is that why you’re talk shit.” fucking halfwitted imbecile cuckboy.

      • dead dick
        April 1, 2019 at 12:52 pm

        fuckoff you little pillowbiter faggot

    • William
      March 30, 2019 at 6:55 pm

      That is my mother. how about you shut the hell up about her. She is trying as hard as she can to lose weight and then you say that ARE YOU ACTUALLY KIDDING ME. YOu are are a horrible person and i hope you go to hell

      • Sol Rosenberg
        March 30, 2019 at 7:31 pm

        William. which one is your mother? The one in the bukkake movies or the heavy set gal on the right side in the wedding picture? some of these posters are very naughty, they need to have the love of Jesus in their hearts, Praise the lord William.

      • Gene Autry
        March 31, 2019 at 2:48 pm

        Hey William, do you think you could get your mom to autograph my babysitter’s cumrag?
        thanks and have a happy easter.

        Here comes Peter Cottontail
        Hoppin’ down the bunny trail
        Hippity hoppin’, Easter’s on its way

        Bringin’ every girl and boy
        Baskets full of Easter joy
        Things to make your Easter bright and gay

        He’s got jelly beans for Tommy
        Colored eggs for sister Sue
        There’s an orchid for your mommy
        And an Easter bonnet too

        Oh! here comes Peter Cottontail
        Hoppin’ down the bunny trail
        Hippity hoppity, happy Easter Day

        Here comes Peter Cottontail
        Hoppin’ down the bunny trail
        Hippity hoppin’, Easter’s on its way

        Try to do the things you should
        Maybe if you’re extra good
        He’ll roll lots of Easter eggs your way

        You’ll wake up on Easter mornin’
        And you’ll know that he was there
        When you find those chocolate bunnies
        That he’s hiding everywhere

        Oh! here comes Peter Cottontail
        Hoppin’ down the bunny trail
        Hippity hoppity, happy Easter Day

        Hippity hoppity, happy Easter Day

  • amygetchell1967
    March 30, 2019 at 4:27 pm

    I love these couples who brag about the gangsta lifestyle on Facebook, yet never get caught cheating Masshealth..

    • Disgusted
      April 1, 2019 at 3:41 pm

      I’m just trying to figure out what’s wrong with you. Your going to respond to a child who is defending his mother the way you did. Obviously you have issues of your own that you need to deal with. May God help you because you certainly need it.

  • please
    March 30, 2019 at 8:38 am

    Looks high maintenance to me… dog.

    You sure she’s a TROPHY and not a punishment, Yo!

  • Stunt Penis
    March 30, 2019 at 6:45 am

    I saw the words “trophy wife” in the title, but, apparently, my definition of “trophy wife” differs significantly from the author’s.

    The only hottie I see in the entire article is, as another poster pointed out, the redhead in the wedding picture.

  • olde man
    March 30, 2019 at 4:47 am

    No snow, wifey will be fatter than a bridesmaid in no time.

  • Sir Chubbslayer
    March 30, 2019 at 2:53 am

    Other than the two Big’uns (and the young ladies in front, of course), would hump, pump and smash.
    Curvy is a thing. A very good thing.

  • True justice
    March 29, 2019 at 10:53 pm

    Great job TT. Love the ending. Keep blogging!

  • Armand N
    March 29, 2019 at 8:01 pm

    This intern absolutely crushed it.
    One typo but that’s overruled by a hundred laughs and a thousand truths.
    I can see the newbie writing this with a smile, was so much fun to read has to have been fun to write

  • Turtle Tryout
    March 29, 2019 at 7:46 pm

    Thank you all for the feedback!

  • Darthmama
    March 29, 2019 at 7:03 pm

    Not sure bc it’s finally Friday or bc my baby daddy finally made his first child support payment in 2 years but, I’m in a great mood! And this article had me cracking up and making my mood even better. My favorite parts were the “dope” business cards and the “would” braidsmaid at the end. Thank you for making my weekend!

    P.S. please pray for more child support!

  • randall guy is worthless
    March 29, 2019 at 6:47 pm

    just dropped by to tell randall guy to shut his stupid mouth

  • Stiff Pete
    March 29, 2019 at 5:56 pm

    Good first article.
    My only suggestion is please don’t use any of the terms baby canon or crutch fruit. I only say this because as much as I love TB it kinda getting old.

  • OldbutnotTHATold
    March 29, 2019 at 5:35 pm

    The dope business cards he’s referencing is implying they’re cool, they look good.
    Love the new writer but had to correct you on the slang.

    • Y
      March 29, 2019 at 5:42 pm

      I think he got it.

    • Turtle Tryout
      March 29, 2019 at 7:22 pm

      I’m aware, but it was an ironic choice of slang words that needed to be pointed out!

    • Dr Watson
      March 30, 2019 at 7:51 pm

      Thanks for the update Sherlock

  • The Leather Cheerio Pleaser
    March 29, 2019 at 3:59 pm

    I’d put a healthy quarter G freeze on the nether regions of the bridesmaid and then proceed to tongue that MF’er until it was winking like a high speed camera aperture.

  • Whif Phil
    March 29, 2019 at 3:46 pm

    He looks like a dirt bag, then of course nobody should ever be judged by looks alone.

  • Swanky
    March 29, 2019 at 3:22 pm

    Pointing out a couple of marginally attractive bridesmaids is all well and good… but have you gotten a look at the rest of the herd? Oof…

  • Who Knew
    March 29, 2019 at 3:21 pm

    That fingering yourself left tats?

  • Captain Trips
    March 29, 2019 at 2:40 pm

    Real classy tattoos your wife has on her hands

  • No standards
    March 29, 2019 at 2:31 pm

    Not going to name names, but better writing than some of the current staff writers IMO.

    P.S. WOULD, WOULD, WOULD, WOULD, and WOULD of course

  • Tim
    March 29, 2019 at 2:28 pm

    I thought you said trophy wife.

  • My Info And Advise
    March 29, 2019 at 2:20 pm

    I am worth too much to lose it on a woman. All women are money grubbing skanks. Find ’em, fuck ’em, forget ’em is not just a slogan for me; it is a way of life. If you don’t like it, you might as well start walking through a minefield you legless fuck.

  • Gutter Muppet Honey
    March 29, 2019 at 2:11 pm

    Thank you, next.

  • TheCureForHope
    March 29, 2019 at 1:58 pm

    Great job! Hope you stick around.

  • Natasha
    March 29, 2019 at 1:20 pm

    Weenie Todd is gold. Keep this turtle.

    • The Name Game
      March 29, 2019 at 5:33 pm

      Agreed. I upped the alliterative ante with Braintree Brainfree (or Braindead) Barber and his babe’s beefy bunwich bridesmaids, but fine debut nevertheless.

  • Let me up, I've had enough
    March 29, 2019 at 1:18 pm

    Someone is a lucky man whoever dates the brunette hiking up her skirt.

  • Y
    March 29, 2019 at 12:27 pm

    cambridge.wickedlocal.com/news/20170707/duo-arrested-for-possessing-stolen-gun-in-cambridge

    patch.com/massachusetts/braintree/braintree-police-log-larceny-trespassing-more

    • Sam
      March 29, 2019 at 1:56 pm

      Whats really goin on at this barber shop?

  • Hugh-Bo Mont
    March 29, 2019 at 12:10 pm

    Nice job TT! Keep ’em coming.

  • Batman
    March 29, 2019 at 12:05 pm

    Think I prefer the seated to the side redhead. Looks like she’s practicing her bj technique. Need a head on shot to confirm. Wouldn’t toss the other one outta bed for eating crackers either. Nice job on first blog. Randall gfy.

  • Asking for a friend
    March 29, 2019 at 11:31 am

    The bridesmaid on the right. Does she…..live around here?

  • Dick Scratcher
    March 29, 2019 at 11:22 am

    Both his Mrs and the bridesmaid are clearly filthy. Like it.

  • everyGUY
    March 29, 2019 at 11:17 am

    Nicely written article,

    would also

  • Randall Guy’s Alter Ego
    March 29, 2019 at 11:03 am

    After reading it I went back to see who wrote it. Great first one. Keep them coming!

  • Sick of these Ratchet Fucks
    March 29, 2019 at 10:59 am

    I would.. Her and two of the bridesmaids. Right after I kicked his ass and shoved him in the closet

  • Nee Chi
    March 29, 2019 at 10:53 am

    The new kid is alright.

    My advice, stay away from Handicap Parking Space Outrage, and other crap no one cares about.

    Wishing you All the Best…
    F.N.

  • Casper
    March 29, 2019 at 10:49 am

    Keep him on board he did great. Right when I thought it was over it kept the comedy rolling. Bravo new intern turtle!!!

  • I wood
    March 29, 2019 at 10:38 am

    I would too….
    Great first article!

    • The Name Game
      March 31, 2019 at 3:59 pm

      No offense meant, but… is your name a new product from Apple (iWood), i.e., a web-connected dildo?

  • hanks
    March 29, 2019 at 10:33 am

    Most people say the first thing they look for in a partner is a sense of humor, usually followed by eyes, smile or a great ass. But you know you’re dealing with a high class lady if she has finger tats and/or pit bulls with cropped ears. Also, this guy has a bad case of “gay face” which doesn’t bode well when you feel the need to pose shirtless with ‘your boys’ (not that there’s anything wrong with that).

    • Sgt. Truth Meter
      March 29, 2019 at 2:24 pm

      You have detective material.

  • Susep Fleas
    March 29, 2019 at 10:30 am

    I’m digging the first run. Vote up for return sample.

  • Randall Guy
    March 29, 2019 at 10:26 am

    Meh. Let me understand this.

    The guys sells coke. Friends are kinda trashy?

    Thats it?

    D-.

    • Randall Guy's Dad
      March 29, 2019 at 11:08 am

      Randy! Git yo dumpster juice ass back on that corner!

  • Athol Hunnit
    March 29, 2019 at 10:26 am

    very good initial outing. A little too “paint by turtleboy numbers” Keep plugging away, you will find your own voice

    Abi, I adore you

  • Big Wick
    March 29, 2019 at 10:19 am

    Good job, Turtle Tryout! Great subject to start with. Gawd, truth is as strange as fiction. I love how all these subjects have such a commanding knowledge of the written English language usage. Hey Danno, like hashtags much? Posing with the Batmobile? And LOVE the several inches of tighty whiteys with baggy trousers, and the high-water pants. One thing, TT: you alluded to his “barber training,” but never went there. Could his school “of choice” perhaps have been the DOC? Love these losers. Now, THAT’S entertainment!

  • ez munny
    March 29, 2019 at 10:18 am

    The hashtags.. #dannyblanco /#blancotakesoverhawaii … Blanco = White = Cocaine… These criminals are either really dumb or they just don’t care…

  • The angry taint
    March 29, 2019 at 10:17 am

    nice job on your first blog keep it up, totally wood with the bridesmaid. sammy are you into menage a trois? leigha sup for tomorrow night gurl?

  • Lincolntf
    March 29, 2019 at 10:12 am

    Not bad at all! Good job.

    • Tamico Berry
      March 29, 2019 at 10:18 am

      Munt.

  • Y
    March 29, 2019 at 10:07 am

    Confirmed, the bridesmaid has a nice set of fake sweater puppies.

    • Turtle Tryout
      March 29, 2019 at 7:28 pm

      Fake boobs are like movies. You know they aren’t real but they’re fun anyway.

  • Ratchetsaurous Rex
    March 29, 2019 at 10:07 am

    GREAT job on your first post
    I would surely hope those children are safe and sound now. As for the dude, Danny Shniffing, he can rot. What a classy bridal party photo though. Gross. Even my Ratchetsaurous Rex ass can’t compare to these winnas.

    • Draco
      March 29, 2019 at 5:00 pm

      Wife’s had more plastic surgery than Michael Jackson… fake tits/ass, nose/lip job, u name it

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